- 4 years ago
I’m not necessarily looking for advice, to talk shit about either him or me, but I feel like I need to put into words-somewhere how shitty as hell I feel.
Now, here goes.
April of 2010 is when I met my now ex SO. We dated, never fought, and we had great communication. My financial situation started to suck last year, because my paychecks were getting crappier; low hours were not cutting it. When I moved in with him in 2012, the phone/cable bill was my rsponsibilty and I went on a payment plan so it wouldnt get turned off. Well, FIOs had it turned off once or 2x, because my bank acct was short like 2 dollars, so I would have the problem fixed that day when I transferred money over. This March, when I was waiting for my taxes back he walked in from work, saw the late fee stuck to the bill, told me he didnt want to see me anymore. He swore I wasn’t acting like I was doing anything with my life, and that I had no drive.
I reminded him that when I was going to initally finish college last fall, was when I went into the hospital for 2 weeks, and I would have failed that class. The class wasnt being offered until this May, and thats when I was starting up again. I needed my tax refund to pay for it though because I didnt have $1000 plus dollars to spend right now, otherwise the bill wouldnt have been late.
I got told I was just giving excuses, and that hes heard it before. I explained to him to check on our cable acct online, you see that I keep paying every month, and then more extra when I have it. I have the college catalouge out, with highlighter marks on those classes I need. 2 days after he broke up with me, my tax return was in the bank. First, I paid off the bill, then I walked up to the college and signed up for my class, and set up a payment plan. We had argued over who was taking the dog, because lately he had never been home, and I was the only onein 2 years who walked him–ever. I told him he needed to prove to me he would take care of the dog, enough attention included….and he didnt do that. So when I went apt hunting, I searched foreeeever, every day, because it was hard to find something in my budget, or a place who would take dogs. I barely got any responses, and I was still there almsot a month, until my dads freind let me move in with him
When I moved out, I took the pup with me and reminded him Im not moving far at all, and I can walk the dog over anytime he wants to visit him. The 3 months I was living at my roomates, he never called me about the dog. I tried, trust me. I would call biweekly when I didnt get a text response, reminding him that Thrusdays Im not home much all day, so he can take him on Thurdsdays, and Ill pick him up on my way home from work sometime in the weekend….it never happened, not once. But when I would call him he would act on board, then never a response.
Cut to the middle/end of May, he friend requests me on FB, and messaged me when I was up at Campus doing homework. I was very suprised to hear from him. I told him I had an A, but the midterm cut me down to a B+, but Ill take it. I guess all of our mutual friends had told him how well I was doing…..all he ahd to do was ask me in the beginning. We ended up having a long, heartfult conversation on FB soon after, literally had me broke down in tears until 5am. He told me that he was waiting on me to get a full time job/or finishs chool to propse. I called him out, and said that he neevr acted like it, I would joke about marriage here and there(but not obsessively)and he would roll his eyes or tease it away. I told him that I had a walk date planned, after graduating this fall, if I never saw any moveemnt on his end, then I would leave. It would be hard, but I cant stay with anyone for years on end not knowing if marriage and children are EVER in our future.
We had planned to hang out that weekend and play pool, caue I was bragging to him how well I had been doing, and that he should be proud of my bank shots. He picked me up, visited the dog for a couple minutes, then we went to the pool hall. I had NO expectations that night, I was assuming we were just going to be out platonically. Not even an hour in to playing pool, he brushed up and kissed me. I was like “Oh, shit” I ended up staying the night, but we didnt sleep together. After less than a week of hanging out, he asked me back out and I tearfully said yes
Now its the end of July, and I lost my job because of the stupidest scheduling for school, and I was thinking it was bullshit the way my boss let me go like that, I tried fighting it at HR, cause the way my boss treated me was rude and nasty. He found out about 2 weeks later, and got so pisssed about it, I understood he was mad at me for lying, and I apologized. He left for his boys’ vacation a few days later, and was gone for oger a week. I barely got a response when I would text him “I love you, goodnight” Hes been back for almot 2 weeks, and the past week hed been out of it; I would ask if hes okay and if hes mad at me, he would say hes fine….I let it go. Saturday his mothers graduation party was at our house, and he was in a shitty mood because of some of the guests, halfway through the party I had a KILLER migraine and I went to bed, I slept until the next morning almost. Sunday he was barely home, and Monday was a job interview I had. I texted him before he came home from work, telling him I thought it went well, and he neevr responded. When he got home from work that day….he decided to break up with me. He told me he couldnt be with someone who lied to him……which is total bullshit. Cause every time I do something, I own up and apologize…hes withheld information from me before, and I let it go.
Why would you not stay with someone who you call the love of your life, and makes you happy? I feel like I get no credit for the “amazing gilfriend” I was called, like I never made him happy, or like the little things I did got left unappreciated.
I know this is long….and Im rambling Im sure. But I feel like a cracked egg. Like no one is going to make me happy enough…