(Closed) got married two weeks ago, was one of my unhappiest days…

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Yikes… I’m really sorry about all of this. My wedding wasn’t the happiest day of my life either, but looking back at it, I realize that is was still a very special day- and that’s all that matters. Your mom sounds like she’s totally out of line and hopefully you can just keep your distance from her for a while. Your husband is another matter though, what did he do? You don’t really need to tell us but I’m just curious… I’m not sure what else to say, except that I’m really sorry, that totally sucks.

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

sending hugs because you sound so sad about your day… im so sorry it didnt go as you had like and you didnt get the love and support from the people that should have given it

smack hubby around a bit for being an idiot, and idiot you love but an idiot none the less and look forward to your future together

 

Post # 5
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I always hear that your wedding day isn’t supposed to be the happiest day of your life.  That the day you have a baby is happier, and that other random days throughout your life are even better.  I think the wedding day will probably be stressful for everyone and that the industry just tells us it is supposed to be so happy.

 

Sorry about your mom though.  I’m worried right now that mine will be the same way with how she is acting now 5 weeks before my wedding.  

Post # 7
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Awww… you have a lot of life to live yet, dearest. I sure hope it isn’t the happiest day of your life. Your mother just need to stick her head up her you-know-where. And your hubby needs to grovel and bring you flowers everyday until you relent and remember you love him anyway.

Post # 8
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’d be pretty upset if my husband got drunk and disrepected me. Actually, I’d be furious if he used getting drunk as an excuse to act any way other than loving toward me. I hope you two have worked that out by now.

As for your mom, is that just how you two interact? My mom said a few things to me I wish she’d have kept to herself, but that’s just how she is.

I’m sorry to hear your day was such a disappointment. I know these are two really important players in your day, but maybe you can construct more happy memories with your other guests and look back on your wedding as an okay day that started a wonderful marriage.

Post # 9
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I know that I would be upset if all of that had happened to me on my wedding day, especially knowing the hard work that I’m sure went into making it the best day by you. 

Maybe a little more time and distance will help.  Two weeks, although is some time, might not be enough time to see it all clearly.  I know that when my mom hurts my feelings it takes me a bit, so it’s a good thing that we don’t live close to each other! 

As far as your husband goes, have you talked to him about it all?  Not that it will change anything, but it might help make you feel better?  I don’t know…just trying to help.

BIG (((HUGS)))

Post # 10
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m so sorry this happened to you.  Sounds like you need a “do-over” wedding.  For now, try to forget about everything that happened and focus on all the reasons why you love your husband.  And give yourself some distance from your mom for a while.  After a few months, if you still don’t feel any better about things, maybe consider going on a 1-year anniversary trip with JUST the hubby and renewing your vows in a private ceremony, just the two of you…both sober!  Explain to him how much it’d mean to you and make it intimate and romantic.  You could even wear your dress and get a photographer for an hour if you want!  But make sure it’s all about you two and your future together, not the past.

Post # 11
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry, this seems horrible.  My mother suffers from depression so sometimes she can make a scene and cry (at public events) and I can’t imagine if she would do that at my wedding.  Maybe talking to her would help smooth some things over.  An apology in this situation might go a long way.  Also, have you asked your guests? Maybe they had a great time and didn’t notice what you did.

Hopefully your husband has also said sorry, maybe a special day for the two of youw is exactly what you need.

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh hon Im sorry this happened to you! Moms can be crraaaazy and hopefully you can let her know how you feel. You shouldn’t bottle this up like this. She needs to know her behavior was hurtful and 100% unecessary

As for drunk hubby, how did he “disrespect you”? Just by being drunk and dancing with his friends and being ridiculous? Or did he do something like, uh, grab you in public and say something mean? Either way, he should apologize for having had too much, but is it possible you are overreacting? I’m not sure what he did, so I could be way out of line saying this. But I know sometimes my guy has too much and gets on the floor and wrestles his dog and can be embarassing and if I’m in an already sour mood, I just get pissed, whereas otherwise I just go “man, whatever, you look ridiculous!” and let it go.

How was the honeymoon? That’s always happier =]

Post # 13
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

We really build up our wedding day up in our mind and I can see with all the bad vibes how that can destroy the day we have been planning & looking forward to for months, I feel for you!

I agree with others, you need some major space from your mom, that is just horrible that she would act like that, and you don’t need that negative engery weighing down your new marriage.

I wish you the best of luck!!

Post # 14
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

allmixedup, I’m so sorry!  I don’t know if this is the kind of thing you “get over,” so much as “get past.”  Your mom’s behavior was inexcusable.

Have you thought about telling her what you told us — that her negativity made you miserable on your wedding day?  She may say “well, I was just being honest,” which won’t help, but then again she might apologize and explain why she was so miserable to you, which could help you feel a bit better.

Whatever you do, promise yourself you won’t dwell on your mom’s comments or her behavior.  They don’t reflect what anyone else thought of your wedding.

And has your husband apologized for the way *he* acted?  That might help too.

Post # 15
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

I understand the mother issue. The second my bf of 6 years who she loved proposed she decided she hated him and went on a 3 day rampage where her main focus and goal was to get my fi and me in fights and make me cry. She succeeded the first 3 days of our engagement were me crying because of her. She’d still be going but my dad and brother are policing her phone usage and she is not allowed to call.

My suggestion is to see a therapist for a few sessions to work through the hurt. Usually there is so much pain that once gone many happy memories are uncovered. My mom and I had a tormented relationship for years between when I was 10 and 18. I hated going home because she would corner me in the kitchen and yell at me how I was no good ect ect (just to clarify I am a clinical psychologist and have and interview for med school and had a perfect GPA in high school and never have ever broken a law or hurt anyone – so I am not that bad). I started seeing a therapist and it took me nearly a year but now for the most part we have a good relationship and I can remember good times I had with other family and friends during that time, which previously I could not.

I think it is your best option otherwise you will only be hurting yourself more carrying around the pain. In reality her comments probably didn’t truly affect you day it is the hurt of your mothers diapproval on the biggest day of your life thus far that is leaving a dirty cloud over your memories.

Post # 16
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Aw sweetie I’m so sorry to hear that.  I would of been unhappy too.  There’s really nothing to say or offer to put a positive spin on this situation but hopefully you can move on and the marriage itself, the most important part, will be wonderful, unlike the day it started.  I’ve heard of A LOT of brides say that their 

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