Post # 1
DH’s aunt asked this through my MIL recently. It’s been 3 months since the wedding and we have sent out literally 95% of our TY notes already, but were waiting for more stationary to arrive so we could finish them. The reason she was on the bottom of the list is b/c she didn’t actually attend the wedding (although did send a gift), we lumped those people at the bottom since guests were organized by seating chart.
Ugh! It’s only been 3 months! I mean I know that isn’t super fast, but I feel like every time I send a gift I either get a TY note exactly 1 year later, or I don’t get one at all. I’ve never asked where my note was!!!
Anyone else have this happen?
Post # 3
A TY should go out when the gift is recieved but if it wasnt before the wedding then she can wait with the rest of them… but really thats rude… Ive thought it before, but I would NEVER say something. If youre close with her give her a call and say were having trouble with our stationary and we are working on our invitations and apologize for the untimely thank you.. that is if it matters enough to you… havent gotten this far, still wedding planning but hopefully we dont run into this.. sorry people are PITA!
Post # 4
@eseds: I actually don’t know when we got her gift b/c they were all sent to my parents house who live in a different state. But either way, we were waiting until after the wedding to ‘open’ the presents and write TY notes, which we did for most of them less than 1 month after the wedding. She was lumped into a group at the bottom that was actually growing since guests did keep sending things after our first round of TY notes, so we had to order more stationary and were waiting to bang them out. They are literally in the mail right now!
I just personally think it’s a little pushy to even ask at all where the TY note is, and while 3 months isn’t exactly a super short time it still is forgivable (IMO). B/C asking for the TY note isn’t confirming the couple got the gift, it’s rubbing in their face that they are breaching etiquette in an underhanded way.
Post # 5
Totally agree. Im of the “make them feel like an ass rule of thumb!!” I dont think you actually breached an etiquette then and they are just pushy and annoying… sorry to hear! I would push her off to the 362nd day of “eitquette” before she got my card if at all at that point just because I would want to prove a point… or next time you see them say thank you and when she asks again I would say well I thanked you in person I thought that was more personal!
Post # 6
Wow…we were married on September 1st and my goal was to get out all of the TY notes by Christmas! Looks like she would’ve been asking for me too!
Post # 7
@2PeasinaPod: Well hopefully people will be too preoccupied with the holidays to be thinking about where your TY notes are, haha! I remember my sister got married in Dec and right after New Year’s, people where asking ME where her TY notes were. I was like “Back off people, she just got married, went on a honeymoon then immediately had to travel again for the holidays!”
But seriously, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve NEVER gotten a TY note any sooner than 3 months after a wedding. I think it’s a normal time frame. Guests who got my note at the 1 month mark were stunned that they went out so quickly!
Post # 8
My wedding was in June and we just finished. It should have been more of a priority but life gets in the way…and weddingbee…and facebook. LOL!
Post # 9
I will admit at 3 months I would be concerned that you didn’t receive my gift. That’s a pretty long time frame from what I’m used to. Mine were all out at about six weeks and they were only delayed that long because we had picture cards so I needed to wait for our photos to come in and then order them. BUT.. I would certainly never ask someone where my thank you note was. If she was legitimately concerned that you didn’t get her gift she could have approached the issue in a much more tactful way. She just wanted to make you feel bad, ignore her.
Post # 10
We got one of those and we had definitely already sent that note. I remembered the wording and everything. I suppose it may have gotten lost in the mail, but I was miffed because it was one of the very first notes we wrote! We tried to be very diligent, even if I was slow. I was pretty sick during my pregnancy, so it did take a little longer for some of them.
Post # 11
It’s been four months, and we still have a handful to send. Mine were done and sent within a month of the wedding, but Mike is a slacker and kept putting it off. I would just do them for him, but they’re his friends, it should come from him!
I don’t think three months is an unreasonably long time to wait.
Post # 12
@flamingred: Haha I totally agree with you!!
@Moose1209: You have a point, b/c even if 3 months is considered ‘too long’, she knew we got the gift so it was just to rub it in our faces and spread the word that we hadn’t mailed her note yet.
@Mrs. DG: That is annoying and again, I don’t really understand why people mention they haven’t gotten the note if they know you got the present.
@Chillmer: My DH also had to write his own for his friends and family. We both signed every card, but we wrote out our own for the most part.
Post # 13
I agree that it is rude to ask about the note, but i also agree that 3 months is getting to be too long. The one year rule is a myth-guests have a year to GIVE a gift. Thank you notes should be written as soon as possible. The guidline I have heard is 2 weeks for gifts received before the wedding and 1-2 months for those received after.
Post # 14
You guys just made me feel so much better about mine too… we got married at the end of June right after I finished my masters and were on the road traveling until August then moved to another state, he started a new job and I was applying and interviewing all the time, so thank you notes definitely took the back burner. Fortunately all of our family and friends know this so I haven’t heard anyone fussing yet… plus we were keeping everyone updated through email with our travels, and I had mentioned that we were slowly but surely getting them sent. I got all of mine out but he had a bunch of family friends that I don’t even know send gifts so I felt awkward writing those thank you notes. I will either have to gently encourage him to write them or just deal with it and write them myself! Either way, I feel better about the timing now… : )
Post # 15
From Emily Post:
When should notes be written?
Contrary to popular myth, the happy couple does not have a year’s grace period. All thank you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of the gift. Ideally, a response should be written on the day you receive a wedding gift. If that’s not possible, set a daily goal. It’s a lot easier to write three or four notes a day than to have to write a hundred notes in a month after the wedding!
Mine were all done within 3 weeks of the wedding, but C hasn’t done any yet. I think he’s actually thanking people in person instead. I keep trying to get him to do the thank you cards, but no luck so far. It would be nice to have the addresses of his family and our friends through him!
So far we haven’t had any “Where’s my thank you card” questions yet. I would never ask someone that, though. Instead, I’d call to make sure they had recieved the gift because I would be worried it had gotten lost or stolen!
Post # 16
@moderndaisy:I understand. How frustrating! We’re still designing ours, and finally just had to send a prototype to the first four.
From weddings I’ve sent gifts to, most I got thank yous within a few months, but one I’m sure I’ll never get one–it’s been a year. Never getting one bugs me, but I would never say anything to them!