Post # 1
Long story short- I wanted to elope, he wanted a traditional wedding. We finally hashed it out and decided that eloping was right for us.
(And by eloping, I mean private destination wedding.. eloping is just easier to say.) 😉
So, I excitedly tell my mom. I told her I wanted her involved and for us to go get spa day before I left to elope and to have a nice backyard BBQ when I returned to celebrate. She listened then started crying hysterically and basically guilt tripped me into not eloping.
We caved and now we’re planning a traditional, local wedding to please everyone. I am not excited. I am only doing this for my family who desperately wants this wedding to happen. My best friend keeps telling me that eventually I’ll get excited.
I got to work today and the venue contract was on my desk. I just started tearing up. I don’t want to spend $10,000 on one day. I don’t want to worry about all this anymore. I want an amazing vacation with my future husband and a simple ceremony with the two of us.
But, what if everyone is right? What if I do regret eloping? These are the questions that keep me on course for this traditional wedding. I just can’t help but to be some defeated by this process. I have this lurking feeling that after all this money is spent, I will be the one with regrets. 🙁
Post # 3
@sweetdee522: Do what is in your HEART! Don’t have a traditional wedding for other people. Honestly I wished I would have eloped.
Post # 4
Go with your gut. Elope. if you have the desire for a traditional wedding later you can always do a vow renewal.
Post # 5
LOL…we are having a small local wedding, but considered eloping. We got a little grief about how few people we were inviting, but when I told the parents that they could invite whomever they wanted as long as they paid for them at $X per person they shut up pretty quickly. If your mom wants a big ole party then she can pay for it. This thing is already giving you panic attacks and you haven’t even signed the papers. Do what makes you happy.
Post # 6
Can I ask why you want to elope? Maybe there is a compromise somewhere in there… I did not want to plan the big wedding either, but wanted family and close friends to be with us, so we are doing a DW. It cuts down on the attendance to those nearest and dearest and saves money becuase you just pay for your own travel the party is smaller. Not saying this is your solution, but if we know why you want to elope, maybe there is another idea!
Post # 7
Do it with your HEART otherwise you will regret later on. We want to have our wedding in Santorini, FIL hates the idea, was against it at the start (he basically said he wouldn’t come), luckily my FI didn’t care, now it looks like FIL has changed his mind and will come. At the end of the date, the wedding is about YOU, not everone else. And I have seen people elope and get a small party at home, and they look amazing. I want to change our wedding that way (we are having a DW with 30 guests, not eloping), but it’s already too late. All the guests have been invited. 🙁
Post # 8
@houstonwhodat: Well we suggested a DW for 30. (Family + Best friends) and then everyone started offering “helpful hints” that no one would want to drive 2.5 hours, it’s going to be too much money on our single guests coming alone, etc. etc.
Post # 9
@sweetdee522: Let me say that I HATE it when people are like that. Your mom, no matter how sad she was to miss out on the wedding, should have put her big boy pants on and been happy for you. This will be YOUR day, and you should get to do what you want. It is silly to spend $10k on one day, and it’s ludicrous to do so when that’s not even what you want.
I’m sorry. That sucks. People can be real bitches sometimes (Your family is probably otherwise nice, but they behaved inappropriately here).
Post # 10
@sweetdee522: Are you paying for this? It sounds like they aren’t going to be happy no matter what you do. Guess what, it’s your wedding, not theirs! If you are shelling out the money then elope or decide what you want to do. Perhaps if your parents are paying you could tell your mom that you didn’t really want the big wedding in the first place and since you are doing it to appease her, she can be responsible for the majority of the planning. And 2.5 hours is not a far drive… what a joke. I repeat: it’s your wedding, not theirs!
Stand your ground!
Post # 11
We spent the entire time of our engagement brushing off comments from people who tried to guilt us into having our wedding here – mainly our mothers.
We didn’t cave and had the most awesome intimate destination wedding that we never, ever regretted.
Do what is right for you, doing it to please someone else is not a good reason.
I guess the difference in our situation is that both DH and I wanted a DW from the start and there was no other option that we deemed acceptable. So when others bashed us, we took it as a unit and just let them know that this was how it would be happening whether they came or not (the wedding was not just the two of us though, our parents and a few close friends were invited)
Post # 12
This is your guys’ day! Don’t let others opinions get in the way, especially if you’re the ones who are going to be spending $10k+.
Post # 13
1) You cannot make everyone happy. No matter what you do, someone will have something to criticize about how you did your wedding.
2) If you are this upset about it now, can you honestly believe that you will feel right about it later? I was so excited to sign my venue’s contract and send in the deposit.
3) I think you can reach a compromise on a small destination wedding. If no one wants to drive 2.5 hours, they don’t need to go to your wedding. See #1. Also, if it’s so small you can possibly afford renting out a big house or B&B for people to stay in.
I really recommend you read “A Practical Wedding” (the blog is great too!). It really helps empower you on how to make your wedding yours.
Post # 14
You should do what you want. IF its that inmortant to your family then do a small ceremony, backyard bbq reception that you were going to do in the first place and Still get marrried on your destination wedding like you wanted. This is not your moms day its yours. Or if she really wants you to have the big wedding she should he paying. Thats what I had to tell my mom. I wanted a smallwedding and thats what were going to do. She wanted the big sit down dinner dancing big church I had to turn around and say ” well are you paying for this?? Cus im not droping 10-15000 on a single day” She backed down and is now supportive of our decission!
Post # 15
@ Anise : + 1. I have some collegues (they are not invited by the way) suggested you should have an engagement party for everyone, it doens’t cost too much, blah blah, I basically let them talk, but I dont care, we only care about those people that we invite, why should I spend more money than that to people that we dont care that much. I would rather use that to pay for our family’s accomodation or our honeymoon.
Post # 16
We wanted to do the small destination wedding too, but were guilted into having a more traditional wedding where my FI grew up so his 90 year old grandmother could attend.
I understand how hard it is to say no to family. Especially because, while it is your day, it’s important to them too.
At first we were disappointed, but I am getting more excited about it as time goes by.
We’ve decided we’re going to ‘elope’ earlier and then have the traditional wedding with everyone later. At first we joked about this, but the more we thought about it the more in love with it we were. One of my professors I’ve grown close to is an officiant, so in Feburary we’re going to our favorite park and getting hitched. We’re still debating about whether or not we’ll tell our parents. I think part of the reason we love it, is because it takes a lot of the pressure off of the real wedding. We wont care about when things go wrong, because we’ll already have had our special moment with just us. 🙂