Post # 1
Hello fellow bees,
This upcoming summer me and my boyfriend will be moving in together and I will be be attending grad school in the fall. We currently live 2 hours away from each other and have done the long distance for the year we have been together so needless to say I am thrilled to be moving in together and being able to see him everyday as opposed to only weekends. My question for you ladies in grad school, what is it like balancing grad school (which I have heard is lots and lots of reading) and being in a relationship and living together? Do you find it hard sometimes to balance being attentive and there in the relationship while also trying to balance school?
I am curious to hear your responses!!! I want to be prepared for this especially since I have never lived with anyone before
Post # 3
Hi! I am in a grad program right now and I live with my FI. Right now I work (part-time), have a full load of classes, am planning a wedding, and we are custom-building a house. Needless to say, life is busy! Here are a few things I recommend:
- If you really need to get work done, go to the library or somewhere outside of the house. It’s difficult for me to focus on schoolwork at home, especially when my FI is around.
- Try to plan your classes so that you will have some time with your boyfriend. For instance, this term I have only one class in the evenings so we get to spend most nights together.
- Make a space in your apt/home that is yours. It could be a desk area in a spare bedroom or just a reading nook.
Good luck with school!
Post # 4
@weddingguest101: This is def my life. Me and my fiance did 4 years of long distance before moving in with each other. I am in a Physician Assistant graduate program and he is working. I think a lot of this depends on what TYPE of program you will be in etc. For example- i am in class 8am-6pm 5-6 days per week. On top of that i probably have 4-5 hours of work i do each night. We spend friday nights together as date night. He is very very understanding and helpful and pretty much does everything for me except laundry. He cooks dinner (sometimes even packs me a lunch) does dishes, cleans the house, pretty much everything. He knows that if he does these things and allows me to get my work done then i will be able to spend my free time with him instead of cleaning, etc. I will not say it is easy, its super hard, but having someone who is helpful and understanding is the key. Its also a lot easier to handle the stress of graduate school with him here. Try to just send boundaries if you need them and dont be afraid to study out of the house! Good luck!!!!
Post # 5
@weddingguest101: just get your work done and make sure he puts your work first too. my so is in school too so he understands biz first!
Post # 6
@gingerspice: I agree with her, we turned out second bedroom into an office. Its the only way i can study without being distracted!!
Post # 7
We lived together for our first two years of grad school; the last year and a half we’ve been long distance, and we’ll be moving in again after the wedding (both still in school).
I personally found it easier living together. For one, he *got* it because he’s a student too, so he knows work comes first and vice versa. It was also good to have someone else there to encourage me to get out of bed in the morning, to get some fresh air, to go study together, to have someone to bounce ideas off, someone to remind me to eat when I get really busy. But you do need to have a place to work – either an office at school, the library, a home office. Setting pretty standard hours you’ll be working is good too.
Post # 8
I’m in grad school, and I live with my spouse. I don’t find it difficult, but I can also get things done without being easily distracted. If it’s particularly loud, I just go to my bedroom or the office/study room. As long as there is some place for you to go and be by yourself to work, you should be okay, I think.
Post # 9
I am in my first year of medical school, and I live with my FI. It can get crazy at times, but we used the second bedroom as an office so I can study. It also helps that he works from 9-6 during the week, so until he gets home, I can study uninterrupted.
I think that living with him is the best decision I could have made. He understands when I need to be left alone, and he also does all of the cleaning and laundry (neither of us cook very much). It is nice to know that, even if I have been shut up in the office all day studying, I don’t have to find time to see him because he is there at night 🙂
Post # 10
My SO and I are both in graduate school. It’s invaluable because he’s also in the trenches with me, and we work in the same general field (medieval history). He’s supportive of my ambitions to the PhD (ones he does not share), and as a consequence, made it a priority to take on more of the house load in order to make sure my work gets all the attention it deserves.
My advice: You need a desk, if nothing else. You have to have a study space that is yours and yours alone, that no-one messes with or rearrange or touch. Better still if you have an office where all your school stuff can live, but a desk at the bare minimum and a set of good noise-cancelling headphones. Make sure your SO understands that school is your job, and that you both need to balance housework. A lot of folks I’ve known, especially women, get treated like graduate school isn’t really work since they’re not always in classes from 9-5 every day, so they end up doing all the cooking/cleaning/housework on top of a full classload. Talk to your SO, make sure he understands that your schoolwork is your priority, and you’re going to take time to do it, which means balancing the load of everything else.
Otherwise, it’s just a matter of having your priorities straight, keeping on top of things, and making time for your SO — if for nothing else, then for your own sanity. You need time away from the work, time to take walks or talk about something not related to your classes or to eat a reasonable meal sitting at a table. Living with someone who is supportive and understanding helps. But by the same token, if your SO isn’t on board with the whole grad school thing, it can turn into a passive-aggressive sabotaging nightmare. So make sure you have good talks with your SO before you live together about what to expect from your program and what you need, as well as what he needs from you. It’ll make everything go smoother in the long run.
Post # 11
Honestly, it’s really hard. I am in a grad program that I am expected to work 10+ hour days, 6 days a week. Between that and DH has a crazy work schedule (he is a nurse) there are periods that I hardly see him, and it really sucks. And it makes it hard to do everything I need to at school, because I want to leave and be able to see him for dinner, etc.
You really have to make an effort to have date nights, etc. And we have learned that our date nights are often just doing quiet things at home because I am so tired, just opening a bottle of wine and watching a movie, etc.