Post # 1
I’m in a bit of a sticky situation regarding my wedding invites. I’m working on my PhD and I’ve invited both of my supervisors and 5 other grad students in my lab to my wedding. I am somewhat closer to the 5 that I’m inviting, as I communicate with them outside of the lab sometimes. However, this leaves 4 other grad students in my lab uninvited. I really don’t know whether to extend an invite to them or not. I don’t want them to feel left out, but at the same time—I really don’t talk to them outside of work. I almost wonder if they would think it was weird if I DID invite them. The only thing is, I am going to be spending a lot of time with everyone from the lab the month leading up to my wedding. I worry that it will be uncomfortable then, and that I will have wished I extended an invite. Any other grad students want to weigh in here? With such a small group (but not necessarily a tight-knit one) what should I do??
Post # 3
If you can fit them, I’d probably invite all of them just to keep the peace and not seem exclusive. Your wedding will likely come up in the next few months, and you don’t want it to be awkward. Plus, if they think it’s weird, they probably will just decline anyway.
Post # 4
Do you work equally with everyone? Or are the ones you invited a sub-group that you tend to work more with?
If you work equally with everyone then I think the all-or-none rule applies for your coworkers. Either invite everyone or don’t invite anyone. Things can get hairy and feelings can get hurt, not too mention how awkward it is, if you hand-pick certain people and leave others out.
Post # 5
Thanks for your replies! Yes, I do work equally with all of them. If I do invite them all though, do I need to put plus one? Of the 5 that I’ve already extended invites to, one guy’s married so I invited him and his wife. From the other 4 (whom I haven’t invited yet), two are in serious relationships, and my numbers are already a bit high. I’ve been careful to tell those who I have invited to keep things quiet, as I don’t want to hurt the others’ feelings.
Post # 6
Having worked in a lab, I say exend the invitation to all in the lab. I don’t think you have to give them +1’s though unless they are married or engaged.
Post # 7
If you want to invite any of them, you have to invite all of them. And I think you have to extend all of them the same +1 rule so no one gets special treatment.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t invite them. If you were excluding one or two, I might say invite them.
Post # 9
I should provide a little more info too—I’m working remotely, so I don’t see my fellow lab mates on a regular basis. However, another person from my lab who ISN’T working remotely (and is in the lab daily) is getting married one month before me and has invited the whole lab.
Post # 10
As a fellow grad student in a small department (and working within a social science lab), I wouldn’t invite all of them. We’ve had a few weddings in the department over the three years I’ve been here, and all of the couples in question invited only those they are close to. Your colleagues will understand, I am certain. If we were getting married locally, we would only be inviting those who we consider friends.
Post # 11
I don’t think that you need to invite them, but I would try to keep the wedding talk while your in the lab to a minimum.
Post # 12
I voted to invite the 5 you are close to. You can send the invitations to their homes and just mention individually to keep the wedding talk on the down-low.
Regarding their guests, if they are in relationships (married, engaged, or boyfriend/girlfriend/partner) you must invite their SO.