Grad School, (possible) Marriage and two pushy families.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m in med school and will be getting married during med school! Do what you and your FI want, it’s your day! 

Post # 3
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

My husband and I got married while in the midst of our PhDs. Our families were on board with the timing. A lot of people get married in grad school – depending on the field you’re in, you may have classmates ranging in age from 21-80. If it’s just a 1 or 2 year program, I could see waiting just because of your age, but it’s really up to you (assuming you’re paying for the wedding).

Post # 4
Member
6880 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

I got married in the middle of my PhD. Grad school is easier than undergrad, IMO. Timing was way more flexible for me as well.

Post # 5
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

A large portion of my med school class is married or engaged. It’s basically the norm here lol!! 

Post # 6
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My SO and I will both be in grad school when we get married, but we both also have fulltime jobs with  benefits and such. My SO and I have our own place and share money as well, so our families are supportive of us getting married whenever we choose.

I think just be careful about timing and money. Can you work while you’re in school? That may help take some of the burden off your parents and your FI

Post # 7
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I really wanted to get married while I was in my MA program, but my FI was dead set against it because he thought it would get in the way of my school.  A woman in my program did get married during the program and her grades did really suffer.  My parents were married when they were both in grad school and things worked out fine for them.

BUT….

All that being said I think it mainly depends on where you are in your relationship, what you are looking for out of a wedding (a huge blow-out that takes tons of planning or something else), and how emotionally mature the two of you are (understanding of the time commitment invloved in grad school).

It sounds like the two of you have all that figured out so I’d say go for it!

Post # 8
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I got engaged during my undergrad at 19, we are getting married 3 weeks after my undergrad graduation. We never considered waiting until after grad school, too long. If there’s no reason to wait, then why wait? Everyone I know gets married the summer after the graduate undergrad so it’s pretty normal. 

Post # 9
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

nilssonm195:  Congrats on getting into grad school and on your engagement! My fiance and I are in our mid-20s and he’s is in law school (I have a full-time job). He’ll have one more semester to go after our wedding. I had always thought that if we got married, it would be after he finished law school (we got together early on in undergrad and then worked for a year in between him going to school). My family also expected that I would get married much later, in my 30s.

However, I’m really glad we’re doing it sooner. I think it’s going to bring a lot more stability in our lives. There have been so many difficulties and unknowns over the past few years, and although there’s a lot more to come, I love the idea that he and I are partners in it together. That’s just my experience, though. You have to do what’s right for you!

Post # 11
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

nilssonm195:  My fiance and I talked about this for quite some time. We knew we would wait until we were finished with undergrad (we are the same age), and I wanted a little extra time to plan and save money. We decided on next summer, after 1 year of grad school 🙂 I had considered waiting until I was done with grad school, which is 2.5 years long, but that seems crazy now. I am sooo ready to marry the man I have loved for 6.5 years!

Post # 12
Member
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

nilssonm195:  What is the structure of your program?  I was married in between my first and second year of grad school (school counseling).  That was totally doable because the first year (of three) was a little less intense, and I had a 5 week break between the end of my first year and the beginning of my second.  My second year (where I am now) is consisting of more hands on classes, a quarter long practicum in a school, and then a full load of summer classes that leads directly into my fall internship, which will be at a middle school and starts mid August.  So no break in classes for me this year.  

Doing the wedding last year in September worked out so perfectly- if we hadn’t done it then we would have had to wait until my program was over in 2015.  I’m very glad we didn’t!  So it might help to get an idea of what you’ll be in for program-wise, and try and assess how much intensive work you’ll be doing each year.  It is not impossible to plan a wedding during grad school, you just need to make sure you won’t be overwhelming yourself with your graduate courseload and all the wedding stuff!

Post # 13
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

nilssonm195:  I think your mother wanting you to wait has less to do with you still being to school and more to do with your age/length of your relationship with your FI. I think you just need to have a good sit down talk with her to flush out each other’s feelings. Then get married whenever you and your FI want. 

Post # 14
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I am getting married in August and still in the middle of my PhD. Planning the wedding is a lot easier than grad school but I am not going to wait till I finish my PhD. My fiance also goes to school part-time and it’s been amazing how well he’s helped me through stressful situations education-wise and I would rather get married sooner than later. So I have a little more of forever to have his last name. 

Post # 15
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

nilssonm195:  Are they paying for your grad school and threatening to not continue to pay for it if you get married? Cuz if not, and if you are paying your own grad school and aren’t dependent on them financially, then go ahead and get married. But you may end up paying for it out of your own pocket if they aren’t on board.

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