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Grad Students - Are you inviting your advisor to your wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you invite your graduate advisor to your wedding?
    Yes! We're buddy-buddy : (19 votes)
    34 %
    No! We're not that close and that'd be weird! : (20 votes)
    36 %
    No, but I would if I had the resources (money/space) to invite more people. : (10 votes)
    18 %
    Other - please comment below : (7 votes)
    13 %
  •  
    1.
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    GreatDay    September 25, 2010   Boston, MA

    I'm just curious how many of you graduate students (masters, PhD, others) are inviting your advisor to the wedding? I'm inviting mine and I'm trying to imagine him at the reception... would he dance? joke around with everyone? He's like 60-something and awesome but I've never really been in a non-research environment with him so it should be pretty interesting. hehe

     
    2.
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    Future Mrs. Martin    August 21, 2010   London Ontario Canada

    Ya I think I will! He invited me to his wedding last summer and I am inviting the fellow PhD students from the lab and so I think it just makes sense.

    However, My supervisor is 40 and is super fun and hangs out with the grad students all the time!

     
    3.
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    Helper bee
    whfields    June 3, 2010   wedding in Florida

    I'm having a destination wedding so no.  But I will be sending him an announcement and invite to our at home reception.  I know he won't come, but I think its a nice gesture.  After all, he is your boss!!  I'm not extremely close with my advisor but I have known him for the last 4 years so I feel its just the right thing to do for me!  I will also be sending annoucements/invites to AHR to my labmates.

     
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    Busy bee
    ClairDarling    August 14, 2010   San Diego

    we arent budy-budy, but we have a very good professional relationship, more like very close coleagues.  we're inviting my advisor as well as a couple other people from my PhD program.

     
    5.
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    Blushing bee
    lisaberry    October 1, 2010   central PA

    haha, I don't like my advisor very much, so it's a non-issue for me. But I might be a little jealous of those of you who are friendly with yours....

     
    6.
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    Buzzing bee
    Anonymous      

    FI and two of his mentors for his honors thesis are close, so they're getting invited. The wedding is four hours away from them though so we know they won't come.

     
    7.
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    Helper bee
    historienne       SF/Mendocino

    I would have, except we had only our parents at the actual ceremony, and are having three receptions (in my hometown, my husband's home country, and the city we now live in).  For the final one, we are only inviting our friends--family went to one of the others--so he'd be the oldest person there by about 20 years, and I think it would be awkward.  It's too bad, though, because he's a great guy.  I would absolutely have done it if we had a more traditional wedding.

     
    8.
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    Helper bee
    SoonToBeMrsV    July 3, 2010  

    I'm out of grad school for about 2 years now but my advisor (and 2 of my committee members) are on my list.  They're all fantastic people and we get along personally and professionally. 

     
    9.
    1,906 posts
    Buzzing bee
    VirginiaMarie    January 2011   Austin, TX

    We're not buddy-buddy, but I think inviting him is the appropriate thing to do!

     
    10.
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    Helper bee
    Professor    April 10, 2010   New York, NY

    I've finished my PhD. I am inviting only my committee chair, even though I had three very involved advisors. He was my advisor from day one and is the kind of prof who really cares about his students and their lives outside their dissertations. (for example, when I broke my ankle, he showed up the hospital with our people's version "soul food," bagels, lox, and cream cheese.) My advisor and his wife are attending. FI invited his diss chair, but we do not expect him to come.

     
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    Bumble bee
    bvig    September 2009   wedding in NJ

    I didn't invite any. 

    We didn't have a small wedding (about 120 people) but when we tried to count in work people it just completely got to be too many between my husband and I.  I had just finished up my PhD and started a new lab and had three advisors there and an advisor here and all the labmates and their SOs - ack!  It would have added a good 30 more people and I couldn't really see inviting my adivsors and not labmates. 

    So work people were out.  We hang out after work sometimes and are all friends but for our wedding we really just kept it to family and very close friends. .

     
    12.
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    116 posts
    Blushing bee
    volleybride    Sept 18th, 2010   Philadelphia, PA

    I'm having a pretty big wedding, but I'm not inviting my PhD advisor. He's nice and everything, but I really just feel like him being there would add a tone to my day that I just don't want.

     
    13.
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    I have never even seen my advisor in person so I would say no.  But honestly, is he a friend?  Because if not, why would you invite him?

     
    14.
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    274 posts
    Helper bee
    pieceacake    5-16-09   Kansas

    I invited the director of my program (it's a really intimate program--she's taught 2 of our classes and I only have about 10 people in my program).  She wasn't able to attend--but I wasn't upset about it!  I really only invited her because she had mentioned everyone in the class plus her attending.  I felt a little obligated.  I'm the youngest person in my program by about 10+ years and she made sure I knew how she felt about that...we're not best friends :)

     
    15.
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    Busy bee
    moneypenny02    August 8, 2010   Los Angeles

    We aren't close, but my FI and I met in our PhD program, and we BOTH had the same advisor.  I'm currently still in the program while he graduated, and he wanted to invite another quasi-faculty member who the advisor works closely with, so we are inviting our advisor.  I doubt that he will come since its across the country, but we thought we should ask.  It's a pretty small wedding (under 90 people), so he's one of our few "courtesy invites", but I thought it was best.  Plus, he's a very nice guy and I think he'll feel be happy to be invited & will be happy for the two of us.  Plus I know I have relatives that would love to talk to him if he does come, I'm sure he will have a nice time & it won't be uncomfortable for him.

     
    16.
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    555 posts
    Busy bee
    azula    February 27, 2010  

    I did invite him, and he was thrilled to get the invitation and very excited about going to the wedding, but in the end he wasn't able to go because he was swamped with teaching and research commitments. I also invited my secondary advisor, who told me she absolutely loved our save-the-dates and our invitations and said they were very pretty and creative, but she wasn't able to go either because she was traveling.

     
    17.
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    107 posts
    Blushing bee
    Miss Iowa    October 30, 2010   Dallas

    I am struggling with what to do on this issue as well. I am in a residency program with 22 co-residents (11 in my year) and 7 full time faculty. It's weird, because originally I thought having a wedding in a separate state (I am currently in Texas, having the wedding in Iowa) this wouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately, faculty keep asking me a lot of detailed questions (some very personal) and I get the impression they feel they are closer to me than I do to them. While there ARE some residents and faculty I would actually like to invite, I feel like it is an all-or-none situation because I don't want to invite some at the risk of hurting or offending others. Not to mention it would mean virtually shutting down all of our clinics on the Friday before just so everyone could travel.

    What does everyone think? Invite all, none, or just the ones I care most about?

    At this point I feel like you probably should extend the invitation-just to be safe. Your program director and any associated faculty will be your professional colleagues for years to come....and I feel it is best to keep good relationships when possible.

     
    18.
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    Helper bee
    frugal_faye    June 6, 2010   Michigan and Illinois

    I love my advisor, but our relationship is very formal and professional.  It would be weird to have him there while we're doing the hokey-pokey on the dance floor.

     
    19.
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    Worker bee
    octoberosa    October 10, 2010   Woodstock, NY

    I'd love to- mine is awesome. But we just started being friendly over the past few months. I'm sure during my dissertation-writing phase we will be close enough that I would invite her, but right now it's premature. I thought about it though!

     
    20.
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    804 posts
    Busy bee
    Twista    October 2, 2010   Roanoke, VA

    I'm not in grad school but I am inviting a handful of professor's from undergrad. 

     
    21.
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    Wannabee
    HRHcupcake    June 4, 2011   CT

    I start a PhD program in the fall, but I have already been a student of my advisor's. Since we are inviting our "big" list I plan on inviting him. He's a great guy, only in his 40s, and has already given me engagement/marriage words of wisdom. There are 5 other grad students in the lab with me, and I'll probably put them on the B-list.

     
    22.
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    Worker bee
    astromeg    January 2011  

    My advisor and his wife (another one of my professors) are awesome and feel like a second set of parents to me...in fact, they met fi before my parents did!

    After knowing them for so long, it would be weird for me to get married without having them there. They've been with me through a lot of life's ups and downs and I think it's only right that they're there for one of the biggest ups. :)

     
    23.
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    Helper bee
    amaroo24    June 12, 2010   Ithaca, NY

    I'm not inviting my advisor but our lab is planning on celebrating our wedding with some sort of celebration (wine tour, picnic, or....).  We are trying to keep our guest list small so we cannot invite work colleagues for the most part. 

     

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