Post # 1
Hi guys – will try to make this short as I have a habit of writing long posts….. been with boyfriend only a few months but we will definitely be getting engaged soon (we were friends for ten years before we started dating and we are now madly in love)….. everything is wonderful and we just adore each other….. couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend – he is everything I’ve ever wanted……. now, this is the hard part – his mother has an engagement ring that belonged to his grandmother (the first week we were together his mom was so excited we were dating that she said “you’ll have to give her grandma’s ring!!” and was SO happy and everything that we were together finally)……
Now, I LOVE vintage jewellery in general….. he says it is a large diamond but for all I know he could be guessing (and it could still be large and not pretty – I mean, it could even be yellow gold, I really do NOT like yellow gold)…… the thing is: what if I don’t LIKE it? I have very, VERY specific tastes and in vintage jewellery it could be ANYTHING, you know? I don’t want to be ungrateful or hurt his feelings (or his mother’s, she is a lovely woman) but if he did propose and give me the family ring and I DIDN’T like it I honestly don’t know how I could hide it (I’m not good at hiding my feelings like that, I could try but it would be obvious on my face if I were lying). It’s not like if it were a NEW ring that he had picked out where we could go back to the store and pick one out TOGETHER instead, you know? I’ve been trying to ask him more info on what the ring looks like (art deco? vintage 50’s style? etc) but again, he’s a GUY, he really has no idea (“uh, round and sparkly?”).
What do I do here? Anyone else received a vintage family ring? Did you like it, not like it? If you don’t like it do you just wear it anyways? FOREVER? Is there ANY polite way for me to let him know that I’d sort of like to see it FIRST? I think he things that as long as it’s BIG, I’ll like it, you know? (that’s not how I feel!) Please don’t think I’m ungrateful either, I love this man SO much, it’s just such an important piece of jewellery, you wear it EVERY day. I’d hate to have something that I well…… hated on my hand, you know? (ps: he knows what my personality is like on other things too, so he shouldn’t be surprised if I wanted to pick out my own wedding rings. He said I had TOTAL control over the wedding itself!)
Any ideas, advice, etc is appreciated…. thanks!
Post # 3
i would just tell him you would definately like to have the diamond reset in a setting that is your style:) its still an heirloom diamond and then everyone is happy 🙂
Post # 4
@ms. anne thrope:
Oh gosh, I don’t know what to say except I hope you LOVE it! I found out after daddy died that mom never liked her engagement ring/wedding set-but I guess it grew on her.
Post # 5
I got my fiance’s grandma’s diamond reset into a different setting since the original wasn’t my style and his mom even said she preferred that since it was something I’d wear and love so I agree that’s the way to go.
Post # 6
What if you just used the family stone (diamond or whatever) and had it set into a ring of your (and your boyfriend’s) choosing? That way you get the family heirloom, but still a ring that you know you’ll love.
Post # 7
My hubby gave me his great grandma’s ring, his mom wore it before me. His mom told me I could get it reset, but I didn’t want to, it’s beautiful as is and extra special since it came from his family.
I wouldn’t worry too much about it until you actually see it. If you like vintage, there’s a good chance you’ll love it.
Post # 8
I think it is wonderful that his family loves you enough to entrust a family heirloom to you and you obviously respect them. However, you definitely need to have something you like. I think you should be honest with him about your concerns. Or, let’s say the diamond is beautiful but the setting is not. Would his family object to you resetting the diamond? Or you love the setting but the diamond isn’t what you had in mind…
It’s hard not to sound ungrateful. When FI and I were ring shopping, he kept picking out the ugliest settings. Finally I told him that I wanted something I loved and couldn’t wait to put on every morning. He eventually just bought me what I wanted, which was thousands less than what he had been looking at. And he beams every time a complete stranger compliments me on my beautiful ring!
Post # 9
My FI gave me his grandmother’s ring. I probably would not have picked out this exact ring in this exact setting, but now I can’t imagine having anything else. She (his grandmother) said I could change the setting if I wanted to, but it fits and I really love the idea of wearing something just as a family member wore it – like connecting the generations. She also gave us her wedding band, which is certainly not what I would’ve picked out, but I’m going to wear it for the same reasons. Sorry if this doesn’t help you, but I guess my point is: even if it isn’t what you have in mind already, it may be the perfect ring for you! 🙂 The feeling of having an heirloom is awesome!
Post # 10
Well, I guess in this situation you’re just gonna have to wait and see. Sounds like he really wants to surprise you with it (as in, not show it to you beforehand), and it may very well be surprisingly within your taste! You might love it! Who knows? If you get it and really can’t stand it, then I’d bring up resetting the diamond as an option. No sense hassling him about it now when there’s still a chance there won’t be an issue with it. I totally get you though… I’m also extremely picky and I’d be very nervous if I knew SO was planning on giving me an heirloom ring that I had no clue what it was like. *crossing fingers for you, hoping it’s pretty!!* lol 🙂
Post # 11
I definetly know the feeling bc me and one of my exs had the same deal that I would get his grandmas ring (we never got engaged). I just said “but what if I dont like it?” foot in my mouth. I definetly was not thinking before I said that. lol. I would just take the engagment ring. Obviously it means a lot to his family. Then after the engagment you would have a wedding band that you picked out. You will have a big engagment ring diamond to show off no matter what it sounds like.
Post # 12
You may love it, you never know!
You can either tell him beofre hand that you would like it reset so the ring do it can be amde to your likes. Or, reset it after so that it ‘fits’ you perfectly. I’m guessing you will have to have it resized and often time witht he intricate setting of vintage rings, they can’t always resize without loosing band integrity or preserving the setting. SO this would be an opportunity to reset it without huritn anyone’s feeling.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t make any comments beforehand that you’re even considerig not liking it and getting it reset, etc. He’s probably already nervous about whether or not you’ll like it. I say wait and see how you feel about it after you have it on your finger for a few days.
Post # 14
Maybe you will love it! If not, there is always the option of removing the stone and melting the band material and creating it into something you love – that way you are keeping all the elements of his grandma’s ring. I think, however, this is very risky because you are being presented with a ring, and not another form of jewelry (like a necklace or something) and people might be offended that you are “butchering” it.
Post # 15
I have my grandmother’s diamond. The ring had grown too fragile from so many happy years of wear and tear that it wouldn’t have held up for another person to wear it 50+ years! So definitely check, especially if it is gold.
I had the diamond re-set and I’m going to incorporate the wedding ring into a necklace to give my younger sister.
My grandmother’s bridal set from the 1940’s was a simple gold 6 prong solitaire and gold wedding band fused together. I don’t think it would stand up and scream “I am vintage” to the average joe if I had chosen to wear it.
Post # 16
thanks everyone for all your advice…….. good ideas that we could just use the stone if need be (i actually took some advanced jewellery courses a few years back as i was considering a career as a jeweller….. know a bit about what can and can’t be done to jewellery….. maybe it could be altered even) …… i think i just needed some reassurance that i wasn’t being totally awful that i was worrying about it, you know?
found some photos of rings i love and hate (just for fun too – as i said, i LOVE vintage jewellery)……. first three would be what i am wishing it is like….. bottom three rings are my worst nightmare!!!!
(MsHangry: love your grandmas set! ………. i would love it if it looked like that! too bad you couldn’t use it……)
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