Grandmother's ring… I'm so upset

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4220 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry, I agree with your Mom on this one. They are hers, given to her by her Mother. They mean a lot to her and I don’t think it was appropriate to even ask for them honestly. They are hers to do with what she wants. It doesn’t matter if she wears them or not. I would let it go. 

As for this idea that your fiance should “invest” in your rings…. uh.. idk about that. <.<

Post # 4
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sadly, it sounds like your mom might be jealous of your engagement.  I know it hurts, but try to forget about the rings at least for now.  Good luck with your engagement, enjoy it!

 

Post # 5
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Tallulah_:  Your mother may give you the rings in time, or may will them to you herself.  If your grandmother passed them onto her, then really, it’s her decision.  She may be holding onto the rings for any number of reasons.  Maybe she loves them because they remind her of her mom.  Maybe she’s just not ready to give them up yet.  Maybe she just doesn’t want to give them up for your engagement for some reason.  While it stinks that you can’t have your family’s heirloom rings, the silver lining is that now you and your FI can pick something out together.

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Tallulah_:  it is a shame some gold digging girl got the other grandmother rings too 

 

and your mom was rude saying it was his duty to invest in a ring (i agree your not a bank) also its not like he is putting a down payment on you yesh 

 

now she may be attached to the rings maybe she didn’t wear them b4 b.c. she didn’t realize anyone would want them now to seem fair she need to wear them so everyone sees ohh she uses them (to save face if ppl think its rude or selfish of her)
 

I know if I was older and had a daughter getting married I would also be thrilled she wanted to use a family ring, its a same she wants them for her self

 

I really find that comment about him needing to buy you a ring it’s like their are more important things then men buying a ring a man making you happy, or a man supporting you towards your dreams, a man being someone you know can be there for a child when you get that point, someone who will stick up for you and make you smile  when you are having a hard time 

 

It’s just a shame you don’t get to have something so speical maybe one day she will come around 

Post # 7
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@Schatzie821:  The mom is “jealous?”

Gosh, I can think of a few motivations that might be at play here, but “jealousy” of an engagement would be at the bottom of the list.

 

Post # 8
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Tallulah_:  She was your grandmother, but she’s your mother’s *mother*. Your mother was almost certainly much closer to her. Sorry but your mother has priority, and if/when she gives them to you is up to her.

With your other grandmother, again her child (your uncle) comes ahead of her granddaughter (you). (But the estate should have been equally split, so if your uncle got something, then your father and any other siblings should have got something of equal value).

It’s hard but, in my book, the children take priority over the grandchildren when it comes to inheriting anything.

Post # 10
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Are they her mom’s rings?  My mom wears my grandma’s special ring and wouldn’t part with it.  Try and see it from her perspective.

Post # 11
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I think that if they were given to your mother either by your grandmother personally or in her will then they are hers to keep. There is nothing that says she has to pass them down to you now that you are getting married. There is probably a lot of sentimental value to the rings even if she didn’t wear them before. Maybe she didn’t want them to get damaged or lost. Remember that even though she was your grandmother, she was also your mom’s mother, so I’m sure she is missing her and just wants to hold on to a piece of her. 

Post # 12
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

they are hers to do with as she sees fit. it is nice you have an attachment to them but it isn’t your place to ask for them. I understand where she is coming from.

 

Post # 13
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I think its okay to ask, but also okay for her to say no.

Post # 14
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@FauxPas2012:  If she never wore the ring before and then as soon as her daughter got engaged she randomly started wearing it all the time?  That does sound to me like jealousy.  Of course we do not know the entire story as we are only hearing one side. It could very much be that sentimentality took over.  But telling her daughter that the FI needs to “invest” in in her.  I dunno the whole situation is a little odd, but maybe it’s just that the OP is emotional and upset and that reflects in the writing. I was trying to be supportive. Hopefully either way it will all work out for everyone.

Post # 15
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Tallulah_:  i think you should just accept the fact that your mother wants to keep the rings (and so she should).  if your grandmother wanted you to have them, she would have willed them to you.

let it go.

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