Post # 1
I have a Grandmother who passed away many years ago (my mom’s mom) and I asked my mom if I could use her rings and my mom has declined. When i asked her why she said because they are her rings and they mean a lot to her. I asked why it would be upsetting for her daughter to wear them and she just flat out said no.
I don’t know the ettiquette on this but I just find it odd that since I’ve gotten engaged my mother will not take this ring off but barely wore it before. I understand that they are hers but she has her own wedding rings and never wore these before.
Another thing that I found odd was when i first asked her, she told me that it was my fiance’s duty to invest in my rings and that he has failed to do that… My fiance has spent a lot of money on my in our relationship and by no means do i feel that he is required to “invest” in me… I am not a bank.
I am a very sentimental person and was previously devestated when my other Grandmother’s rings were handed over to my uncles gold digging fiance after she passed (but that’s a whole other issue).
I guess I’m just incredibly bummed… I would be ecstatic if my daughter ever showed an interest in wearing a family heirloom…
Post # 3
Sorry, I agree with your Mom on this one. They are hers, given to her by her Mother. They mean a lot to her and I don’t think it was appropriate to even ask for them honestly. They are hers to do with what she wants. It doesn’t matter if she wears them or not. I would let it go.
As for this idea that your fiance should “invest” in your rings…. uh.. idk about that. <.<
Post # 4
Sadly, it sounds like your mom might be jealous of your engagement. I know it hurts, but try to forget about the rings at least for now. Good luck with your engagement, enjoy it!
Post # 5
@Tallulah_: Your mother may give you the rings in time, or may will them to you herself. If your grandmother passed them onto her, then really, it’s her decision. She may be holding onto the rings for any number of reasons. Maybe she loves them because they remind her of her mom. Maybe she’s just not ready to give them up yet. Maybe she just doesn’t want to give them up for your engagement for some reason. While it stinks that you can’t have your family’s heirloom rings, the silver lining is that now you and your FI can pick something out together.
Post # 6
@Tallulah_: it is a shame some gold digging girl got the other grandmother rings too
and your mom was rude saying it was his duty to invest in a ring (i agree your not a bank) also its not like he is putting a down payment on you yesh
now she may be attached to the rings maybe she didn’t wear them b4 b.c. she didn’t realize anyone would want them now to seem fair she need to wear them so everyone sees ohh she uses them (to save face if ppl think its rude or selfish of her)
I know if I was older and had a daughter getting married I would also be thrilled she wanted to use a family ring, its a same she wants them for her self
I really find that comment about him needing to buy you a ring it’s like their are more important things then men buying a ring a man making you happy, or a man supporting you towards your dreams, a man being someone you know can be there for a child when you get that point, someone who will stick up for you and make you smile when you are having a hard time
It’s just a shame you don’t get to have something so speical maybe one day she will come around
Post # 7
@Schatzie821: The mom is “jealous?”
Gosh, I can think of a few motivations that might be at play here, but “jealousy” of an engagement would be at the bottom of the list.
Post # 8
@Tallulah_: She was your grandmother, but she’s your mother’s *mother*. Your mother was almost certainly much closer to her. Sorry but your mother has priority, and if/when she gives them to you is up to her.
With your other grandmother, again her child (your uncle) comes ahead of her granddaughter (you). (But the estate should have been equally split, so if your uncle got something, then your father and any other siblings should have got something of equal value).
It’s hard but, in my book, the children take priority over the grandchildren when it comes to inheriting anything.
Post # 9
Just to clarify, I don’t think that they are mine for the taking and I agree that they are my Mother’s property but I had thought that she would have been excited for me to take them because she had also been incredibly upset that I didn’t get my other Grandmother’s rings.
Like i mentioned in my first post, it was her comments around the question that i found so upsetting and I obviously wanted the rings so i am bummed about that but i don’t think that i am more entitled to the rings than her.
Post # 10
Are they her mom’s rings? My mom wears my grandma’s special ring and wouldn’t part with it. Try and see it from her perspective.
Post # 11
I think that if they were given to your mother either by your grandmother personally or in her will then they are hers to keep. There is nothing that says she has to pass them down to you now that you are getting married. There is probably a lot of sentimental value to the rings even if she didn’t wear them before. Maybe she didn’t want them to get damaged or lost. Remember that even though she was your grandmother, she was also your mom’s mother, so I’m sure she is missing her and just wants to hold on to a piece of her.
Post # 12
they are hers to do with as she sees fit. it is nice you have an attachment to them but it isn’t your place to ask for them. I understand where she is coming from.
Post # 13
I think its okay to ask, but also okay for her to say no.
Post # 14
@FauxPas2012: If she never wore the ring before and then as soon as her daughter got engaged she randomly started wearing it all the time? That does sound to me like jealousy. Of course we do not know the entire story as we are only hearing one side. It could very much be that sentimentality took over. But telling her daughter that the FI needs to “invest” in in her. I dunno the whole situation is a little odd, but maybe it’s just that the OP is emotional and upset and that reflects in the writing. I was trying to be supportive. Hopefully either way it will all work out for everyone.
Post # 15
@Tallulah_: i think you should just accept the fact that your mother wants to keep the rings (and so she should). if your grandmother wanted you to have them, she would have willed them to you.
let it go.
Post # 16
Please keep in mind that this is my opinion based off of an emotional interaction and that i am by no means trying to turn people against my mother. I love her dearly, I am just disappointed and a little confused about the “fiance comment” and am therefore looking for a little hive support as my fiance is out of the country and he’s who i talk to about this stuff.