Post # 1
So my grandparents on my father’s side died when he was young and I’ve never had a grandpa on my mom’s side either. My dad’s siblings were 18 and 20 years older than him so, his sister and her husband raised him along with their two sons who are a little younger than my dad…Since they raised my dad, they have kind of been my grandparents and my brother and I call them Mema and Papa. Especially my papa since I dont have a realy grandfather in my life. We have always been close and I love him to death…He has always been special to me and is the head of our family. Before every special family dinner, he is the one who says the prayers and no once can eat until he has added “Good Bread, Good Meat, Good God lets Eat! It’s just one of those family traditions. He is quite old and though taveling can be a hassel for him, he still travels all the time so I didnt think it would be a problem for him to travel to our wedding. I planned for him to stand up before dinner and lead us in prayer (including his special prayer). I just don’t picture our wedding being complete without him… We even went to special lengths to chose a handicapped friendly venue and guest accommodations to make things as easy as possible for him.
After going back home for Christmas (we dont live in the same state as our family), my Mema mentioned to me (very non-chalantly) that Papa wont be coming to the wedding because traveling is just too hard for him…. I totally understand this because of his old age, I honestly worry everytime I say goodbye to him that I could be the last time….The thing is….He just went on a 7 day cruise and spent a few more days in Florida….I also found out he and my Mema are going do Denmark for a 2 week vacation 3 weeks after our wedding….
Now my feelings are just shattered….the only grandpa I have ever known wont be at my wedding and I don’t know what to do other than cry… I even told my Mema how much it would mean to me for him to be there if he can make it and she told me that he just isnt up to traveling these days….
I just dont understand…I’m absolutely crushed to say the least…
What would you do?
How would you feel?
Post # 3
My grandfather (stepgrandfather, but the only grandfather I’ve ever known) decided the day before my rehearsal dinner that he wasn’t coming to my wedding. I didn’t receive any notice until I talked to my mother when she was on her way (about a 7 hour drive) and found out he hadn’t gotten in the car with them. I cried a solid 24 hours (and was an emotional wreck at my wedding). I understand how disappointed you feel. I really do. I wish with all my heart that he just would have let me know in advance that he just wasn’t feeling up to making the trip because I wouldn’t have felt so shattered about everything I had done because I was so happy he was coming (his name was in the programs, I had bought a boutonniere, I purchased his favorite beer for the rehearsal dinner, had planned to get a special picture of my husband, my grandparents, and me, etc., etc.).
It took me a couple of months to get over the hurt and we’ve never discussed it (mainly because it made me cry everytime I talked about it for a solid month), but I know I don’t have much time left with him so I can’t let it destroy the 20 year relationship we’ve had. My advice is not to try to change his mind. Let him know how much he’ll be missed and that you understand the difficulty of traveling (even though I know it hurts he’s making other trips) and don’t let it ruin your wedding. You have every right to feel hurt and disappointed and sad about it, but try not to let it hurt your relationship with him.
Post # 4
Thank you so much for your understanding and insight. I will do my best not to let it ruin our relationship…I dont know if I even have any anger or resentment towards the situation yet…and I’ll do my best not too because I know he doesnt have a lot of time left…I’m just hurt…and mostly confused….
I just dont understand why he isnt coming but he can go to Denmark….
Its not like our wedding was a surprise….we got engaged 16 months ago and anounced a genreral date (late May of 2013) almost immediately….
I guess I shouldnt be surprised…a few weeks before my college graduation, my Mema booked an Alaskan Cruise for the two of them…
Post # 5
I just found out he’s coming and I am so excited! He Might sleep through most of the night but I’m so glad he’s coming. It may be the last time i ever get to see him and he’s the closest thing to a grandpa I have ever had.
I am going to ask him to say the blessing before dinner!