Post # 46
elderbee : Ettalie : So quick to judge. Yes I am overprotective BUT I’m not keeping my child from everyone. There’s a difference between a one month old and a six month old. She gets plenty of interaction. As someone dealing with postpartum depression I don’t really care if you don’t think it’s “right”. If keeping my baby closer for the time being to help keep me sane is right then that’s what I’m going to do. It’s called balance. but you’re right, my kid is clearly going to have problems later in life because I think it’s important for a child to bond with their mother the first few months. She’s 2.5 months I might add.
Post # 47
happybee91116 : I’m sorry you felt sensitive towards my post. If you read what I said again I said it was not important for a brand new baby (first few months) which is your current stage. Although I don’t think being overprotective is helpful for anyone (more like catering) babies don’t socialize or learn about others the first few month other than their primary caregiver (usuallynot even the father).
Post # 48
happybee91116 : Wow so defensive. Read again her post from an open mind…
Post # 49
My dd is 16 months and has only been babysat for an hour on two occasions. I think it’s off-putting for someone to request “alone” time with a baby, especially a 1.5 month old. What exactly do they want to do that they can’t do in front of you? It sounds like they’re already hogging your infant so it’s not like they don’t get to hold her. I would absolutely take my baby back for the remainder of the visit if one of her grandparents refused to give her back when I asked. Sorry not sorry.
The whole “bonding” excuse is kind of gross to me honestly. Look up the fourth trimester; an infant only needs its mother at that age. There will be plenty of time for “bonding” when the kid is actually old enough to know what’s going on and can voice their own opinions and feelings a bit.
Post # 50
I think their insistence is annoying and overbearing, but I get wanting to have alone time with a baby. I remember when my sister had her second baby, and I went over to help out for a few hours. While I was there, she used the time to take a long shower, take a nap, etc. I loved that time I had alone with my niece. No distractions, no chatting with my sister, no noise from other people in the house…just being able to hold and love the new little miracle in our family.
Post # 51
JsDragonfly : totally agree with you but there is a difference between someone coming to your house so you can nap or shower and someone insisting you drive half an hour there and back to let them have your baby.
Post # 52
babeba : Right, which is why I said that their insistence to wanting alone time was annoying and overbearing.
Post # 53
Yeah I really don’t think this is weird. Unless you suspect abuse, I don’t see why it’s so weird for them to be alone with your baby, even as an infant. I love having alone time with my infant neice to hold her and enjoy her adorable face in peace and quiet 🙂 Her parents are not overbearing AT ALL, but when I visit to see the baby and they’re there, I feel compelled to “catch up” with them, they’re asking all about the wedding planning, etc.
Some of your in-laws requests are annoying (like asking you to drive 30 min to drop the baby off for an hour), but it sounds like they have the best intentions and just want some quality time with their grandbaby. You’re the parent, so you can do whatever you want, but I think you need to take their feelings into account.
Post # 54
Thank you all for your responses.
I definitely have to sit down with my husband and figure out how we are going to address this situation without breaking relationships, without compromising boundaries and respect for each other. We already received a call yesterday (Monday, after seeing them on Thursday), asking when we were going to drop off our baby so they could see him because they miss him. My husband talked to them and told them we would most likely only visit them on the weekends as we are super busy (and a little far) during the week – but we would let them know if we were in their neighborhood!
I haven’t been able to respond to everyone, but to answer a very important question: My parents were also in this situation. They did ask us to “go out” once when I was hosting them two weeks post partum – they live out of town. I think it was easier for me to tell them that I didn’t want to go out at that time. I did mention to them that I really wanted them to be my baby’s grandparents, not his parents. It was really important for me to address this as they are somewhat controlling (as my parents) and tried to override my decision, for my baby’s care, once.
Post # 55
Sounds like they want to secretly baptize the baby.
I’d tell them “sorry but we don’t plan to leave her alone with anyone until she’s older.” Then shrug and walk off.
Post # 56
Definitely iffy. Why do you need to ‘drop him off’? They can see him just as easily with you there. I wouldn’t leave him with them unless you need to. It needs to be of benefit to you, not to them.
Post # 57
mrsvc : DH and I will be in a similar circumstance if/when we have kids. His parents already have 2 grandkids and him mom constantly whines to me about not getting enough alone time with her grandkids and how she hardly ever gets her grandaughter overnight. DH and I have disucssed it. We have no intetntions of sending our kids to stay with them overnight.
My parents live farther away and it’s therefore less of an issue but we would have the same problem with my mom if we lived closer.
Post # 58
I agree that their behavior is strange and overbearing and I would shut it up immediately. However, there is a way to give them some of what they want, while also getting something useful in return. Invite them over, leave baby with them in one room, then go to the other room to sleep / take a shower / read, whatever you feel like doing. If baby cries / needs to be fed or anything else arises, you will be right there, if not – you get a bit of time for yourself, while they get some one-on-one time with the baby.
Obviously, at that age, unless they manage to get the baby to sleep, these periods would be quite short, but I remember when my baby was 6 weeks old, even 15 min to take a shower were precious.
ETA: if you do that, please, do not spend the free time on cooking for your in-laws 🙂
Post # 59
winterash : Secretly baptize the baby?! WHAT!! That’s a thing?! Holy shit I’m so scared to have kids now hahaha