Grandparent alone time

posted 9 months ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee

elderbee :   Ettalie :  So quick to judge. Yes I am overprotective BUT I’m not keeping my child from everyone. There’s a difference between a one month old and a six month old. She gets plenty of interaction. As someone dealing with postpartum depression I don’t really care if you don’t think it’s “right”. If keeping my baby closer for the time being to help keep me sane is right then that’s what I’m going to do.  It’s called balance. but you’re right, my kid is clearly going to have problems later  in life because I think it’s important for a child to bond with their mother the first few months. She’s 2.5 months I might add. 

Post # 47
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

happybee91116 :  I’m sorry you felt sensitive towards my post.  If you read what I said again I said it was not important for a brand new baby (first few months) which is your current stage.  Although I don’t think being overprotective is helpful  for anyone (more like catering) babies don’t socialize or learn about others the first few month other than their primary caregiver (usuallynot even the father).

Post # 48
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

happybee91116 :  Wow so defensive. Read again her post from an open mind…

Post # 49
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

My dd is 16 months and has only been babysat for an hour on two occasions. I think it’s off-putting for someone to request “alone” time with a baby, especially a 1.5 month old. What exactly do they want to do that they can’t do in front of you? It sounds like they’re already hogging your infant so it’s not like they don’t get to hold her. I would absolutely take my baby back for the remainder of the visit if one of her grandparents refused to give her back when I asked. Sorry not sorry.

The whole “bonding” excuse is kind of gross to me honestly. Look up the fourth trimester; an infant only needs its mother at that age. There will be plenty of time for “bonding” when the kid is actually old enough to know what’s going on and can voice their own opinions and feelings a bit.

Post # 50
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think their insistence is annoying and overbearing, but I get wanting to have alone time with a baby.  I remember when my sister had her second baby, and I went over to help out for a few hours.  While I was there, she used the time to take a long shower, take a nap, etc.  I loved that time I had alone with my niece.  No distractions, no chatting with my sister, no noise from other people in the house…just being able to hold and love the new little miracle in our family.  

 

Post # 51
Member
3236 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

JsDragonfly :  totally agree with you but there is a difference between someone coming to your house so you can nap or shower and someone insisting you drive half an hour there and back to let them have your baby.

Post # 52
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

babeba :  Right, which is why I said that their insistence to wanting alone time was annoying and overbearing.

Post # 53
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2027

Yeah I really don’t think this is weird. Unless you suspect abuse, I don’t see why it’s so weird for them to be alone with your baby, even as an infant. I love having alone time with my infant neice to hold her and enjoy her adorable face in peace and quiet 🙂 Her parents are not overbearing AT ALL, but when I visit to see the baby and they’re there, I feel compelled to “catch up” with them, they’re asking all about the wedding planning, etc. 

Some of your in-laws requests are annoying (like asking you to drive 30 min to drop the baby off for an hour), but it sounds like they have the best intentions and just want some quality time with their grandbaby. You’re the parent, so you can do whatever you want, but I think you need to take their feelings into account.

Post # 55
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Sounds like they want to secretly baptize the baby. 

 

I’d tell them “sorry but we don’t plan to leave her alone with anyone until she’s older.” Then shrug and walk off. 

Post # 56
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Definitely iffy. Why do you need to ‘drop him off’? They can see him just as easily with you there. I wouldn’t leave him with them unless you need to. It needs to be of benefit to you, not to them. 

Post # 57
Hostess
11864 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

mrsvc :  DH and I will be in a similar circumstance if/when we have kids. His parents already have 2 grandkids and him mom constantly whines to me about not getting enough alone time with her grandkids and how she hardly ever gets her grandaughter overnight.  DH and I have disucssed it. We have no intetntions of sending our kids to stay with them overnight.

My parents live farther away and it’s therefore less of an issue but we would have the same problem with my mom if we lived closer.

 

Post # 58
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

I agree that their behavior is strange and overbearing and I would shut it up immediately. However, there is a way to give them some of what they want, while also getting something useful in return. Invite them over, leave baby with them in one room, then go to the other room to sleep / take a shower / read, whatever you feel like doing. If baby cries / needs to be fed or anything else arises, you will be right there, if not – you get a bit of time for yourself, while they get some one-on-one  time with the baby.

Obviously, at that age, unless they manage to get the baby to sleep, these periods would be quite short, but I remember when my baby was 6 weeks old, even 15 min to take a shower were precious.

ETA: if you do that, please, do not spend the free time on cooking for your in-laws 🙂

Post # 59
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

winterash :  Secretly baptize the baby?! WHAT!! That’s a thing?! Holy shit I’m so scared to have kids now hahaha

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