(Closed) Grandparents are not baby-sitters?? Your opinion??

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think it depends on what the grandparent wants to do. I know my mom would love it if she got to watch our baby, she won’t care about the reason. In fact I’m sure she’ll make excuses to babysit for me.

Post # 4
Member
3004 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Well, I completely see where you are coming from. I think that to me, it draws the line when the person EXPECTS their parents to watch the children and has no boundaries to viewing it as a treat, or something the grandparent is doing because they want do.

The other week my aunt posted on facebook something along the lines of, “I thought that’s what grandparents were there for, to take them off of your hands and make lasting memories.” I was shocked. My grandparents live at least an hour away from my aunt so how is their responsibility to make the hour drive all the time to watch them or whatever so my aunt can do what she pleases?

Post # 5
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My parents and DH’s LOVE having P, they will not cancel plans they have if we ask, nor would I expect them to. I think that’s what the difference is. Most of the time they are the ones that ask to keep her. I don’t think its weird that she drops her baby off for 2 hours so she can work out, it is nice having alone time. 

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Having a baby and expecting your parents to babysit for you all the time isn’t very responsible–you gotta make sure that kind of stuff is okay. Or thinking, “oh it’s okay, mom will watch them!” can be an imposition because surely your mom has a life, too. 

There’s a difference between babysitting and just dumping your kids off on your folks.

That being said, my mom would probably not mind having baby time a few hours a week while i worked out…she lives 5 hours away, though, so this is infeasible. My gym has a little daycare center, though.

Some people have kids, though, and pretty much expect their parents to take care of them and believe ‘it takes a village’. A village is nice, but relying too heavily on others is not my style

(eta: i don’t mean you as in the op. i just mean a general you/your)

Post # 7
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

@missfireslayer:  It’s not that it’s two hours, it sees to be more that she doesn’t always ask, and just assumes it’s ok “This sometimes upsets my sister and I because we’ve known that my mother has had some really important things to do but she cancelled because my SIL needed to get her hair done or something.  It annoys me to say the least.”  but if the mum just always says yes and is missing important things, she does need to start saying no, so as not to start a precedent.

My Mum would love to babysit, if I ever have children, but I would never impose/assume she’s always free/willing/available.

Post # 8
Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m guessing your Mom has told her from the beginning that she’d love to have them~anytime. It may annoy you and your sister, but does it bother your Mom? If it does, she has every right to change it.

My Mom was the same way as are my sisters. They drop everything to watch their grand children, and I can see myself being the exact same way.

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

assuming=never okay. i’d be upset if i felt like someone was taking advantage of my mom without at least asking and being considerate

Post # 10
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@michkarose: I know, but she is talking about a friend doing that to her mother and in the part you just quoted she was talking about HER family. This is what I was answering

Here is the thing, I don’t have children and I don’t know what my situation will be like when I do have kids.  I know that my parents will always be there to help me but the reason why my friend’s story bothers me a little bit is that I’m not sure if I would ever drop my kid off for 2 hours just so I could work out.

 

OP’s family situation is different then that of the friend she is talking about it sounds like. I don’t think it’s her friends mother that is missing things it just bothers OP because her SIL does that to her mother and then her mother is missing stuff.

I may have misunderstood her post.

Post # 11
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My aunt dumps her children off onto my grandmother ALL.THE.TIME.  She also expects my grandmother to pay for everything.  It infuriates the rest of my family because my grandmother isn’t young (she just happened to have a surprise baby lol), and she’s basically raising my aunt’s kids.  It’s so frustrating, but my grandmother allows it to happen.

I would never EVER do that to my parents.  If I have an event or an appointment that I have to be at and my parents want to watch my kids, then absolutely, but I will not abuse the privilege.  I imagine that our parents will be begging us to let our kids stay over, but it’s not going to be an every day, or even every week, thing.  I like keeping a routine, and children need structure, so going off to grandma’s house all the time is just going to mess up our routine, and I’m not having it 😉

Post # 12
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well, I don’t have any parents (from DH or myself, or any family for that matter- to ever watch our future possiblt unborn children.)  I think it would be WONDERFUL to have that.  However, in regard to the OP, I think that your mother should stand up for herself and set boundaries.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with having your parents watch your chldren theoretically (again- I would LOVE to have that kind of support to depend on- in theory- grandparents would be the perfect babysitters if you had a good relationship with them), but it obviously is not okay if it is affecting the important life happenings of those grandparents- but they are adults- I think it is their job to do or not do (including watching the children for two hours) what they feel is right and what they want to do and/or need to do.  So, as long as everyone is happy with the situation or communicating to fix it and therefore setting boundries if necessary, I don’t see anything wrong with it.  But then again, that isn’t an option for us sadly.

Post # 13
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

I think a child should be with their grandparents very often.  We saw ours every single weekend of our lives until I was 15 and I’m the youngest of 4.  I am also a huge proponent of spending the night at your grandparent’s house as a baby/child as I think it’s important.

It sounds like the mom has never even told her that she had other plans to break, so you can’t really blame her.  If the mom told her she had other plans but begrudgingly said ok, then I can see a problem.  My mom and dad watch my newest nephew every Monday night into Tuesday afternoon.  You have to pry him out of their hands.  They love it and center their lives around him, my other little nephew and my dog.  Some grandparents want very badly to always watch their grandchildren, like mine.  Others don’t.  It depends on the situation.

Post # 14
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

when we have kids, I think FI’s parents will want to watch him/her all the time.

I would never insist/expect  it but I wouldn’t turn down their offer either.

Post # 15
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My parents and in-laws are the first to ask if we need a sitter and to let them know when we do.  They love an opportunity to watch the kids.  We only ask if we need sitters.  We don’t assume they will sit for us.  If they can’t do it, then we call on other family (aunt or uncle).  If they can’t, then we move on to friends.  Sometimes, I’ll mention an event we’re going to and they’ll jump at “Do you need a sitter” and are disappointed when we tell them the kids are coming along! 

Post # 16
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

IMO – you should NEVER EXPECT the grandparents to be your babysitters.  Many grandparents (especially those who live close enough to do so) WANT to spend quality time with the grandchildren and are happy to watch them quite often but when a mother starts to expect it, it becomes a problem.

FWIW – many gyms have on-site daycare at no additional cost so maybe grandma volunteered to watch the baby and on days where she can’t, your friend then uses the on-site daycare.

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