(Closed) Grandparents not comming!!!!

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I understand how you feel. My grandparents on my mothers side move to the south for warmer weather too. Maybe your grandpa isn’t feeling well? I think you could call to see how he is maybe.

Post # 4
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well — can they both afford to come? If you say yes, are you *sure?* Is your grandfather afraid of flying but your grandmother’s not? Is your grandfather having some kind of health problem, or is there something near home he needs to be around for that weekend?

I think your grandmother would be really hurt if you told her that her presence alone wasn’t special enough for you. Her wanting to be there is hopefully separate from your disappointment that your grandfather can’t make it, right? Maybe you should call her and tell her that you’re so happy she’ll be able to make it and ask why your grandfather can’t?  In light of how neither of them attended your cousin’s wedding, it seems even more special that they’re trying to be represented at yours. 

Post # 5
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I know its hard.. because we love our grandparents and cant imagine the day without them.. but I really do think you should let him off the hook. The older they get, the harder it is to travel.. thats hard for us to understand because travel is so quick and easy for us.. but with their old bodies, sitting for extended periods of time etc is so hard on them.

Both of my grandfathers have passed.. and one of my grandmothers has become blind and definitely cant travel.. I put alot of pressure on my last grandma to come because I didn’t want to not have any grandparents there… well she made the trip only to end up with pnemonia because of the flight!! She ended up in ICU the night she arrived and spent the nect week in ICU fighting to breathe… and needless to say missed the wedding =( I feel so guilty and wished that I hadnt begged her to come now… They ended up mediflighting her back to where she lives and she is still in the hospital there…

So learn from my experience and find some other way to include them.. or after the wedding bring all the videos and photos to share with them that way.

Post # 6
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m so sorry you’re going through this 🙁

I’ve had my grandparents skip things that really mattered to me (college graduation, in particular), and not tell me to my face that they weren’t coming. I didn’t realize it until afterwards, but the reason they didn’t come is that traveling had gotten really hard and nerve-wracking b/c of health issues… and the reason that they didn’t tell me is because they didn’t feel able to talk about it – saying out loud that you can’t travel anymore, or can’t travel like you used to, can feel really scary. And the fact that they called my mom with a flimsy excuse the day before hurts, but it’s not really about me, it’s about not wanting to admit that they’re getting old and they’re not able to do as much.

So I don’t know if that’s what’s going on with your Grampy, but try to be gentle. I think asking your grandmother not to come is overreacting, and I think you’ll regret it. Remember, she’s the one who has decided that she wants & is able to be there – and that she’s coming even though her husband isn’t. I think the fact that they called your uncle about it means, in a way, that they’re worrying about it, and feel bad that it is this way. You might want to send them a note tomorrow – writing out your thoughts can help keep you from saying something thoughtless, and gives them time and space to respond, since it seems like they’re having a hard time communicating about whatever’s *actually* going on. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with the previous posters, that I think it is too harsh to tell your grandmother not to even bother, and you will definitely regret it later.  I think I would just call them, tell them you heard your Grampy wasn’t coming, and wanted to make sure he’s doing okay.  It is very possible there is a very good reason.  It is of course very sad that he may not be coming, but it could be for a variety of reasons, and before excluding your grandmother, I would think it would be a good to find out exactly what’s going on.  None of my grandparents are alive, so I know that it’s rough not to have them there.  Good luck, and I’m sorry this is so hard!

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