Gravestones

posted 3 years ago in Names
Post # 2
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Omg. 0_o 

I think you should put whatever you’re comfortable with, but I might be a tad peeved at my dad for suggesting my husband and I may get a divorce in the future. If your name is hyphenated anyway, it won’t be a big deal to add another surname.

Also, I am still wrestling with the idea of a father purchasing a gravestone for his living daughter. Is this typical in your family/culture/region?

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  coachhw.
Post # 3
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just smile and go along with what your dad wants, but don’t feel obliged to use that gravestone. Because, at the risk of being morbid, when your time comes your father probably won’t be around to complain. That’s certainly what I’d do if one of my parents pulled a stunt like that.

I think your time *does* come, you should have your final name (i.e. hopefully the one you have now), and either share the gravestone with your husband, or share it with no one. (I prefer the latter because I believe every widowed person should be free to remarry, no matter how old). I mean, logically, he wants to share one with his spouse, so why can’t you? But don’t argue with your father over this: he is still grieving so may not see the logic.

Post # 5
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If yiu’re going to have to etch all the other info, why not just do the last names kater as well? There’s no real reason to put any last name on it.

Post # 7
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

MRS-K:  Get what you want as its your name. Can you get it inscribed later? I know there is space on my dad’s gravestone for my mom’s name but her name isn’t on it yet. She didn’t want to look at her name on a headstone for the rest of her life. Its a marble stone.

Post # 9
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

MRS-K:  Well in your will you can state where you really want to be buried and what you want on your gravestone.  I have four legal names so I might want all four on there, I don’t care if it looks funny too!  You don’t even have to go with your dad’s gravestone if you don’t like the plan right now, but just pretend like you are to keep the peace.

Post # 11
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

MRS-K:  i would also point out that your maiden name will age, with time, until your gravestone is needed. So when they put your husband’s last name on there, it will likely always look different because they will have aged different amounts. Just something to think about. I’d push the idea of leaving it blank.

Post # 12
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

MRS-K:  That sounds like a plan, add H’s name later.  There’s a good chance you won’t even be in the area so then it will all be moot!

Post # 15
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

Your father insisting on excluding your husband from your gravestone is very disrespectful. And you not standing up to him and insisting on your full married name is a slap in the face.

I wouldn’t stand for this. You need to make it perfectly clear in no uncertain terms that your husband is your primary family now and your father needs to respect your married status. Both names on the gravestone or you want nothing to do with it.

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