Post # 1
So, long story short, we have dated 4.5 years, I have known he was The One since about 6 mos in and we have been seriously discussing marriage for about 6 months or more now. We are mostly waiting on buying a house, which we have begun to search for. We both live at home still (sucks, yes) but are so ready to move on. Well, we have always had a great relationship–laughing, telling goofy stories, venting about work–we have been each others’ best friend for over 4 years now. We know that we are the ones for each other and can’t wait to start our new lives. Now the sucky part–I, as many of you can relate to, am getting really really impatient. We have talked about timelines, and he has given me several different ones–pretty much every time we talk more he whittles his timeline down to where we would be engaged sooner, but I still dont really know when that will be.
Well, basically it’s getting to the point where every day that we have an amazing, fun time together I enjoy being together so much that by the end of the day I am sad that we are not engaged. It sucks because I feel like I can’t even have that much fun around him anymore because I get so excited to be around him, then let down that we are going on 5 years and still are “commuting” to each others’ houses and are not officially commited. It makes me kind of sad because I feel like I am doing something wrong to make him not want to officialize us.
Last night he came over and when I saw him pull up I ran to his car and jumped on him and started kissing all over his face. He definitely liked that and started being silly back, which meant for a really nice night with us–just us being us and showing each other affection, no worries. As nice as the day was, I still felt sad at the end, though.
Has anyone else been here? How do you get past these feelings? Sometimes I am afraid I am going to hinder our relationship by being upset for no reason (well, to him he doesn’t know the reason) and I don’t want to cause un-neccesary drama.
Post # 3
So I couldn’t find it, but recently someone posted on a waiting post about the stages of waiting. It was pretty accurate, with one of them being upset and emotional over the fact that you’re not engaged yet. I normally get more annoyed than sad, but sometimes recently I’ve thought that maybe this is it- he’s going to propose, and than had the let down that he isn’t. Or he’ll be on the computer “working on private stuff” (his timeline is running out soon) and weeks later nothing has come to fruition.
I don’t know any really practical advice. Obviously it would be easier to live in the moment and just enjoy the good times you have, but if you could just flip a switch and do that, I’m sure you would. Hopefully your guy is working on it. If he keep shortening his timeline, then it seems like it’s something he’s at least thinking about and is hopefully researching and making a purchase for!
Post # 4
@PinkBubbleGum: Thanks! Yeah, I have read her post about the stages and they are very accurate! I think I have been through them all at different times.
Post # 5
LOL! I’m glad the “Waiting Cycle” is something the Bee’s seem to sympathize with. Maybe I’ll put it in it’s own thread for reference.
Ah, the etnernal question of how to get past these feelings. I wish they would just go away. But in most cases you have to feel them. And question them. And sometimes cry, then they’ll let go for awhile. Only to return again, per the cycle 🙂
Besides that, the jury is out on whether to discuss with your Boyfriend or Best Friend or not. Some Bee’s say, Yes! (as long as you haven’t been talking about weddings constantly….) it’s healthy communication to let him know what is going on with you/what you need/why you’re hiding in the bathroom crying, etc. Some say it’s an off-limits topic, or at least don’t bring it up if he says it’s happening within a reasonable timeframe that you both agreed upon. In that case, you’ve gotta just suck it up.
And don’t worry, you’ll be in the next cycle soon…