- 2 years ago
I’ve been following this site for a long time and have even made a few posts and commented on a few. However, I have never formally introduced myself. Since I have no plans of leaving this site any time soon and would love advice and feedback on this journey to our first baby, I figured now would be the best time to do so.
Let’s start with the grief part of the title. I was adopted into a large family when I was 10 days old. I have 5 sisters. 4 brothers in law, 24 nieces and nephews, and my second great-niece or nephew on the way. Two and a half months after I was born, my sister gave birth to my best friend. I was, of course, his aunt.. but we were raised like siblings. One night, while talking to my now husband about wedding plans, we got a phone call that Changed everything. My beloved “brother” and his precious 19-year-old brother had been shot and killed just hours prior. I have never experienced such excrutiating pain in my life. I never got to ask my brother to walk me down the aisle. Two months later, my brother-in-law of 20+ years lost his battle with cancer. He left 6 children behind, including their 1-year-old daughter.
Throughout this time my, then boyfriend, met all of my family. He was incredible. He worked 9 hours a day and came straight over to my sisters house to be with my huge grieving family. Then he would hold me on the couch scratching my back and letting me cry on him until he could get me to sleep. Four months later, he proposed. Finally! Something happy to focus on! I asked my estranged sister to be a BM, hoping to rebuild relationships (as experiencing so much death puts a lot of things into perspective). A month later, at our niece’s wedding (a niece that had just lost her two brothers), my sister stole all of the money out of her wedding cards, proving that she was also the one that stole the money out of our nephew’s grievance cards at their funeral. Needless to say, she disappeared after that. I still tried to focus on being happy planning my wedding to this incredible man. Then, my mom started showing signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s. She was cruel to me while I picked out my wedding dress (because I didn’t choose the one she wanted me to have). I wasn’t allowed to talk to her about the wedding or tell her when it was in advance because it, “made her nauseous”. She was over an hour late to our rehearsal and was late to the church on our wedding day. I stayed focused on my love and managed not to let any of that ruin our day. When we got up to the alter, my mom refused to give me away (she gave my husband her blessing before he proposed mind you), and just stood there and glared at us. Thankfully, I had a feeling she might do that and told my sister to stand up there just in case. My sister gave me away.
There is plenty more I can add here, but then I would have to charge you for reading my book! We have on going stresses with my mother. We lost my nephews and Brother-in-law 1.5 years ago, and we have lost 3 pets. We both have full time jobs that can be stressful. Now, we are trying to start our family and we are 4 months into TTC.
I have made some adjustments recently to balance stress and fun. I got Annual Passes to Disney World for my husband’s birthday, I have weened out the negative people, and surrounded myself with positive people (when I can). But, we really really want a baby. I was wondering if anyone had some tips for us to help us achieve parenthood? I have a basal thermometer (starting that this cycle) and am using Conceive+ with charting apps on my iphone.
Sorry this was so long! Thanks in advance for any advice!