Post # 1
My fiance seems very nonchalant about the wedding. I’m not expecting him to be all gushy and jumping in to help with every little thing – he’s a guy, I get it. But couldn’t he show just a LITTLE emotion that he’s excited? I asked him about it and he said, “I am excited, I just have different ways of showing it”. I don’t think he’s got cold feet, that’s not the issue. I just wish he’d be a little more UPBEAT about it, I guess. Here’s what usually happens when I try to get him involved with the wedding planning or ask his opinion:
Me (pulling teeth here): Tell me something that’s really important to you that we need to make sure to include in the wedding. Him: Getting married. or I don’t know.
Me: Do you want to have a memorial dedicated to your grandparents? Him: Not really.
Me: What music do you want to play? What about ____ song for dance/entrance/etc? Him: No way, veto! Me: Okay, what song do you like? Him: I don’t know.
These might not be great examples, but aside from choosing dinner, cake and his suit, he doesn’t really care about it. Anytime I ask questions I get one-word answers or I don’t know. He pretty much goes with whatever I say, and I’m just worried he’ll look back and wish he’d had more input or not look back fondly on the day.
Am I wrong to feel a little upset by this? I feel like I’m putting all this time and effort into planning a beautiful wedding and marking a momentous day in our lives, and he pretty much could care less because the end result is the same. I guess it’s a little disappointing (even maybe a touch hurtful) thinking that he might just view this whole thing as a formality one has to go through, just another party, or something he’s obligated to do. He doesn’t even really care what our ceremony is like.
Am I making too much of this? Is this a typical phenomenon and I just don’t realize it? Do I need to have a heart-to-heart with him? But how can you make someone feel excited or emotional if they’re not?
There may be no right answers, but I had to get that off my mind. Thanks bees.
Post # 3
It is pretty typical – my guy explained it as to him the only part that was really important was getting married! That was the whole point after all, and it was the only part that really mattered to him – everything else was just extra stuff that he was perfectly happy to go along with because he knew it mattered to me, but he didn’t really care to much about it.
And hopefully this puts your fears at ease a bit, but it did not at all affect how he felt looking back on the day – in fact, he understood more after it was all over and was happy that I had cared and said that it all came together really nicely and went great, and he did appreciate the little details where I inserted his likes in despite him not having an opinion and giving me annoying one word answers. For example, I kept showing him different boutonnieres and getting, “That’s fine.” “Sure, if it goes with the other stuff and you like it.” Generic stuff like that. In the end, even though he said he didn’t care, I DIYed the boutonnieres out of ribbon and guitar picks because he is super into rock music and is the lead guitarist in a local cover band, and he thought that was very cool!
So don’t stress yourself too much about him not seeming to care, just means his heart is in the right place about what is important, and I’m sure he’ll appreciate anything you incorporate that has to do with his interests or the two of you as a couple.
Post # 4
I think this is common. I didn’t expect my H to care at all about the wedding details – he picked his suit and what they guys would wear, and added a couple things to the menu, but other than that nothing (we did decide together on the venues). Honestly it didn’t occur to me to ask him about things like flowers, invitations, cake – I picked all that myself. He was happy that we had a great day and that our friends and family were there – he didn’t care about the guest book, etc. LOL
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Mine is actually really excited- I’m sure yours is, too, but you can’t dictate how he shows his emotions!
Post # 6
@BeeEuphoric: AWWW I am sorry:( Maybe your girlfriends can step in and share your excitement with you when FI isn’t showing his excitement. I agree guys usually aren’t into the wedding planning part. Most say Tell me the day and time and I will be there LOL.
Post # 7
Don’t worry about it, I’m “meh” about the wedding too (and I’m the BRIDE!) But I am OVER THE MOON about my FI! I just want to be married already, lol! Some people just don’t care about weddings, but we sure as heck care A LOT about the marriage!
Post # 8
I think this is really common. My FH is the same way; he doesn’t care about much of anything. He’s been looking at music, but that’s about it and he really has to be in the mood for that too. To be honest, I’m not super excited about planning the wedding either.
FH told me that he wanted me to tell him whatnto do because he didn’t know anything about weddings. Maybe your FH is the same? Most guys feel that the wedding is all for the bride and all they need to do is show up in a suit.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
It’s easy to get caught up in the fear that they don’t really want to get married when they’re not gushing over cake flavours, but they do care. My fiance has his moments where he has input and other moments where he is “meh” Thankfully they mostly balance out. It’s all about figuring out what the guys are interested in (food, pre-wedding activities) and just giving it to them. I know my fiance isn’t going to be interested in flowers or favours, so I just work with my girls on those ideas.
Post # 10
🙂 it’s like my fiancé and I. We got engaged end of August. I asked him what kind of wedding he wanted to have, his response is “whatever you want” lol. He has two requests for the entire thing. No pink (flowers are different, just not as our colour) and open bar. Every time I ask him a question about this or that his response is always the same. “Whatever you want babe”. I don’t think it’s that he’s not excited about the wedding, because he is. But he wants me to be happy and have the wedding of my dreams. We talked about it, i told him I really appreciate it and I love him to death for wanting me to be happy…but his lack of involvement is causing a lot more stress on me than I wanted. I told him I’m scared that my vision isn’t his, and that he won’t enjoy our wedding as much as I do, since the decor and everything is what *I* want…not what *we* want. He was surprised. He thought he was doing a good thing by letting me have free reign, not realizing it was causing so much stress. He said that anything we do will result in the two of us being married and that’s his “vision” for our big day. So now when I ask him his opinion on something he actually gives me a real answer. I’m happier because I feel like it’s not all on me, he’s happy because I am lol. I guess just sit down and express to him how you’re feeling. Communication is key 😉 chances are he doesn’t realize you’re becoming upset or irritated. go ahead and have that heart to heart with him. You can’t MAKE anyone feel a certain way, but I’m sure he’s excited :). And it could be worse, he could be overly involved and not want anything you want, or have a vision completley different of your own lol. good luck!
Post # 11
Mine was this way. I got him to get over this by delegating wedding planning to him when I realized that the only reason we are even having a wedding was for his family. Why should I stress and plan when I want to elope? I couldn’t get him to agree to elope so he is now planning it and I am saying, “Meh.”
Post # 12
I didn’t want the wedding – he did. And I got stuck planning it. This is a very common thing with men – “I don’t know” “I don’t care” “You pick” “You picked that? I hate that, but I have no other suggestion for you, just not that. Now you get to do all the work and change it.”
Planning a wedding’s the pits, because 9 times out of 10, the bride’s going to mostly be doing it by herself.
I just made it clear that if he didn’t have any input, I would be doing everything on my own – and I wouldn’t entertain any complaints from him about it. You don’t get carte blanche to moan about every decision when you won’t lift a finger to give your own opinion beforehand. I ordered the cake and several other things without his input.
It’s pretty cool to have your own way! 😀
Post # 13
The only things my FI cares about are what the men are wearing and the cake. He could care less about anything else.
Post # 14
From my expeience: Men don’t give a crap. At the end of the day, they’re marrying someone and that’s the important part.
At the beginning of my wedding plans, I felt very overwhelmed and sought help from my (then) not boyfriend (fiance, I just hate the term) and truthfully, he could give two shakes of a lamb’s tail. That overwhelmed me as well, and I ended up a frustrated, angry mess.
He sat me down, told me he loved me and he was excited to marry me, but the “getting to there” points he really didn’t care about. He isn’t going to care about music, or flowers, or what we eat, ultimately all he cared about was marrying me.
I was okay with that, once he told it to me. Then I felt less like he was “pushing this off on me” and more like “I just want to marry you, I don’t care how.”
Things went swimmingly after that. I asked his input when I needed it (Do you think X will come with Y, so should we get another table?) but for the most part, I handled it nicely on my own.
When his parents were here, they sat us all down for a “meeting” about the wedding, and my husband was more interested in reading his Munchkin card game rules 200 times than talking about the wedding. I felt the same way, because nothing productive came from the meeting, so I felt bad for him.
Sometimes, he just doesn’t care.
Post # 15
My husband was totally the same way with our wedding…try not to take it too personally! Guys just tend not to get excited over the little things as much as we do. He could have cared less what color the BM dresses were or what cake topper I picked out. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t excited about the wedding or that he loved me any less, he just didn’t feel as if any of the fluffy things mattered in the grand scheme of things. As @CookieCreamCakes: mentioned, just enjoy being able to pick whatever you want!
Post # 16
Mine is the EXACT same way.. he only seems to pipe in when it is something he strongly disagrees with. Don’t feel discouraged, I think it is just a guy thing!