Groom and registry issues.

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Ticker212:  Yes.  I swear – I thought I was reading an old post. My FI was the EXACT same way down to the word.  What I learned.  He’s not comfortable with a registry so you shouldn’t push him into doing one and you might even want to consider dropping it.  It’s his wedding too.  If you were really uncomfortable of a traditional aspect of the wedding would you be ok with him doing it no matter what you say?  Just because it’s tradition?

I actually caved on the idea of a registry and shower.  I declined and it kind of gutted me because, like you, I was really looking forward to it.  After a couple of weeks he came around and we had a shower.  Your guy might come around.  I know my FI appreciated the fact that I acknowledged he didn’t feel comfortable with it and compromised.

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you reverse us, that was me and DH!

Only I didn’t want to register/didn’t want a shower! And DH was SUPER excited about it.

So I went with him, but he held the gun and registered for everything! I definitely had a better attitude about it than your DH, though. And I think registries are pretty awful!

Post # 7
Member
10989 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Ticker212:  Well, the good news is that he is not objecting to YOU registering.

I don’t want to sound in any way negative or to in any way dampen your enthusiasm for this exciting and special time in your life, but you may find that a number of things don’t play out the way that you envisioned that they would.  Unfortunately, the entertainment industry and the media (bridal magazines, social media, wedding websites and blogs, etc.) have set a standard and level of wedding preparations and festivities that many couples may not end up meeting.

I personally agree with your husband regading honeymoon registries; however, I agree with you regarding registering for items for your new home together.  As you suggested, that type of registry is neither asking people to purchase gifts for you nor telling them what they must buy for you. It is, as you noted, simply a guide for the convenience of any guests who proactively seek out  your registry information. Those who want suggestions as to what you want or need will look for your registry information.  Those who prefer to give cash or choose a gift themselves, or those who do not, for whatever reason, plan to give you a gift never even need to see the items for which you are registered.

I don’t think you should attempt to change your husband’s mind about this.  Instead, take someone else along with you, and have fun setting up your registries. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly registering was super boring for my husband. I would have had more fun going with a friend or my mom! if yours doesn’t care, it’s really not a big deal. And if he went anyway, trust me it would NOT be a good time. He’d be following you around pissed off while you felt hurt that he didn’t care About linen colors. Guys don’t have to be into everything we are when it comes to weddings and all the goofy things that goes on. It doesn’t mean he cares about getting married any less. I say enjoy registering with your MOH!

Post # 10
Member
10989 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Ticker212:  That’s a great philosophy! You’re ahead of the game, if you feel that way this early on in the process. You will save yourself a lot of potential stress and grief! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
8907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

My husband thought registries were stupid / unnecessary too. I did one myself and he suggested a few items for it. 

We definitely didn’t have the skipping through BBB hand in hand with the registry gun experience, haha. We also skipped engagement photos and showers. I agree with Brielle that a lot of these aspects are overhyped – especially when you’re an older, more established couple (like we are too).

Sounds like your guy is being relatively tolerant of what he finds pointless, and you’re compromising well. That’s all you can really do. Just wanted to say you’re not alone!

Post # 12
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with your fiance. You don’t need a registry. 

We skipped a registry. Some people gave us money. Some people ddidn’t gift at all. We were fine. As two able bodied adults (we were in our mid/ late 20s) with jobs we didn’t need other people to buy us things. 

 

Post # 13
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m pretty sure most guys have no interest in the registry, that seems normal to me.

That said….if your husband feels really uncomfortable with doing a registry and you don’t need anything…why not consider not having one?

Post # 14
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee

I feel like someday SO will only want to register for the kitchen accessories (minus the Kitchenaid Mixer, that’s my thing!), then he’d want to leave….upon hypothesizing this he said he thinks the whole thing is ridiculous and he doesn’t like taking peoples charity.

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