Post # 1
If you all haven’t figured it out yet, I’m just getting started planning my wedding to take place in 12 months.
My FI is such a guy’s guy, not concerned with details and definitely not into the girly aspect of Wedding planning. But he does want to be involved and have his opinion heard.
I’m wondering what the traditional tasks are for a groom to complete. It seems like so much is left to the bride. What can I ask my FI to do to keep him involved in OUR wedding? What is the FI supposed to do?
Post # 3
My FI is the SAME way! Manly man haha. When it comes to wedding planning he leaves me to do all the research and then I present him with our options. Like, here are our venue choices and possible dates, pick one, or, here are the different photographers their portfolios and prices, pick one. The main tasks that I have delegated to him were everything concerned with the groomsmen like their gifts, their tuxes (made my preferences known!) and who. I also gave him the task of getting all the addresses from his and his parents guest lists. He also picked out his wedding ring. As long as you let him know what you want and what you envision you can let him do as much of the planning as you want. My fiance basically lets me do everything and then gives his final approval or picks from several options if I can’t decide.
Post # 4
Yup. That sounds like the way it’s going to be for me. Thanks for the help!
Post # 5
You might also want to just ask him if there’s anything he’s particularly keen on – my FI was the same way, pretty hands off about details, but got particularly involved with a few things, like food, music, our slideshow, drawing the maps for our invitations. I wouldn’t assume that he doesn’t want initial input on everything. You wouldn’t want to automatically exclude him at first, only to hear that he really did have an opinion!
Post # 6
all good suggestions above. i’ve been working with a very similiar system to what soontobemrsc
imo, you can have him do anything you want him to do or need help with.
i personally just delegated a nice little to-do list to my FI. basically i was going bat sh!t and all he was doing was going to work and coming home.
i nipped that right in the bud.
hand off the details that you think he can reasonably accomplish. He can also help with any details that require a lot of research and legwork.
this will save your sanity. i promise you.
Post # 7
My FI has really appreciated this, and its very man-friendly.
Post # 8
If he has any professional skills that translate to wedding planning, then by all means give him those tasks! My fiance has to arrange group dinners for clients at his job, so he took over the catering for our wedding. I know of other grooms who have graphic skills who did the design for the stationary. It makes sense for each to do what you are strongerst at.
Post # 9
he might not want to be involved in the itty bitty details that so many of us obsess over, and there may be a few things he insists upon (aka, no hot pink bouts for the groomsmen) but he will probably want to have more say in the overall feel & look of the day. for example: reception location, wedding colors, formal vs casual, etc. the early part of wedding planning is great for getting a structured outline that he also likes & then you can move on from there, confident that whatever "details" you plan will fall into the agreed structure that you both are comfy with. and as for tasks, why not just ask him what hed like to help with? groomsmen duties are a definite, but he may prefer to be involved in say florist decisions vs bridesmaid dress decisions. good luck!
Post # 10
I second everything already said above.
I also want to add that if your FH has any special talents or areas of interest that could possibly relate to the wedding, you should focus on them.
I definitely lucked out because my hubby is a (great!) chef, at the country club where we had our reception. He essentially wrote our reception menu, liaised with the venue wedding coordinator AND the kitchen, and, having worked a lot of weddings, definitely had opinions and ideas about decor, cake, program, and even music! He also dabbles a little in photography.
good luck in your planning!
Post # 11
What soontobemrsc does is exactly what we do. I do all the leg work and then narrow it down to 2 or 3 options and he picks (if I can’t decide). Another thing he’s been great on is setting a deadline for me, if I’m agonizing over a decision (and it needs to get done), he’ll say "ok, let’s go over all the options and have a decision made by Sunday night." It helps more than you know: keeps me sane and puts an end to my OCD-ness.
Post # 12
My FI has been involved in almost everything so far. While he definately wouldn’t put in the time that I do to research options, he has his own ideas of how he wants things to be. He has been very involved in designing the invitations, choosing the cake, choosing the catering menu and wine list, planning the RD, picking the venues, choosing the favors, planning the ceremony, and we are currently shopping for a suit, as he didn’t want to wear rented formalwear. He has been to every vendor appointment except the florist. Our vision is that it is our wedding, and we are planning it together. There are some things I have assigned specifically to him – writing the directions to be included in the invitations, assembling hotel information for OOT guests, running down phone numbers for everyone on the guest list. I wouldn’t say that I narrow down the options for him to choose – I tend to print out or flag stacks of photos of various options, and then we go through them together.
Post # 13
my FI was the same way. Things for him to do
1) Manage with his friends and family (guest list, their suggestions, etc)
2) Manage the groomsmen/ushers (tuxes, presents, bouts)
3) If he’s into this sort of stuff, he can deal with some of the tech type stuff: slide shows, DJ/Band, hiring photographer, videographer.
4) If he’s organized, let him work with whoever is hosting the rehearsal dinner or any other pre/post wedding celebrations.
5) Arrange the honeymoon.
Post # 14
We .. us… venus.. always want what we don’t have. Please appreciate this because my fiance has a say in everything we do. I have gotten to the point where I gave up in planning and let him do the planning, only to find out that now he is overwhelmed. Now that I’m in charge of the smaller stuff, I have to wonder if he will approve or not. I say you take this control and turn it into a positive thing and plan it out. You can always delagate. Good Luck!!!