Groom involvement?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
825 posts
Busy bee

He likes being ‘involved’ in the sense that he likes being aware of decisions. For example: I narrowed it down from 10 photographers to two and then he and I together made a decision on the one we wanted. For venues I narrowed it down to three and he went with me to all the appointments and then together we agreed on the best one.

But if I just say hey help me find a photographer and he gets lets loose into the internet, his eyes just glaze over.

Post # 4
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I kept him in the loop and he helped out with some DIY projects/helped set up the reception, and he had a strong opinion on a couple of things, but he wasn’t super involved.

Post # 6
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I keep him in the loop, and he cares about some things like food/bar. Stuff like decorations and little details, he could not care less. 

Post # 7
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@iloverocks:  My FI also likes to be somewhat involved in making the final decisions on what matters to him. Before we got engaged and were talking about some things after going to his best friend’s wedding, he wanted to be involved in EVERYTHING and help look up stuff and whatnot. When we got engaged, I made a check-list of things I knew I needed to do and would have to look at (dresses, suits, flowers, dj, venue, etc) and then would cross them off as I figured stuff out and we booked things. He took one look at it, thought one page was it, and when he found out there were at least three pages he got super overwhelmed. He said that he no longer wanted to help look everything up, especailly since he knows I am kind of a perfectionist and there are things that he doesn’t know to look for and ask questions about when getting the information. Instead, he decided to help make the final decision on things.

For the venue, I researched places and printed out stuff, crunched numbers and then talked to him about it after I had narrowed down the list from about 12 to 4. We went from 4 to 2 and went to visit one of the places and just knew that was the place we wanted before we even left the place.

For the photographers, I messaged and talked to many photographers about what their packages entailed and what they included for hours, engagement sessions and I really wanted to have a disc and printing rights so that was a huge thing for me as well. I narrowed it down to three and we picked the final one.

As far as cake, I talked to my friend’s sister and mom who make home-made cake/cupcakes and frosting….and I pretty much just ran that by J even though I had basically made the decision already.

I picked the colors (David’s Bridal plum) for the girls dresses, and told him that gray tux’s would look better than black and he agreed once seeing pictures and we haven’t picked either of those out yet (I have an idea for the girls dresses but the final one depends on what the top of mine looks like – the girls and I have an appointment to look/try on mine and theirs November 3rd…..not sure when FI and I will look at tux’s). I told him that he could choose whether he wanted to wear semi-uncomfortable dress shoes or brand new all matching tennis shoes for his side…he chose all matching tennis shoes (although we haven’t picked those out yet). For flowers, I’m doing calla lilies for myself and possibly either roses or green hydrangeas for the girls..callas for the guys’ boutineers and whatnot….he didn’t get a choice in this because he doesn’t care that much about the flowers. Centerpieces he doesn’t care about either.

Before we got engaged we were talking about doing the first look to save time after the ceremony so we wouldn’t have to do all of the ones with us, and he was totally against it. I looked up many articles and asked friends who have done it and those who have not to get all opinions on this. I presented him with it, and he finally agreed that it would be a good idea to do a first look.

He asked me last week whether we wanted to do the traditional vows or write our own, since we are not doing a church wedding and instead having a friend who is an officiant do  the ceremony. I am really in between on this one….while it would be so awesome and romantic, it isn’t a huge deal to write them to me as I am doing a small journal for him from the day we got engaged to the night before we get married that has little letters, small things as to why I love him in there. Since I have made the decision on a lot of other things that he doesn’t care as much about, I told him this one is up to him. We have til next October, so we have time to discuss this and whatnot. I am going to have him watch some videos where the people have done their own to give him an idea of what some of them sound like. This decision is more up to him than myself.

 

Sooooo there is my involvement for his part 🙂

Post # 8
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We went to all the appointments together (including choosing linens and plates! he was very patient for that), made all the final decisions on vendors together. He was pickiest about the photographer since he is one, and helped research that. He did a little bit of crafting (and later said he wish he could have done more!) and was in charge of all the booze. Overall pretty involved, I was happy!

Post # 9
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

He’s very interested, but basically wants me to make all the decisions. How I balance that is I do research, and present him with options. He usually wants to defer to me, but he always wants to talk about it and see all the options. He’s very interested in the wedding and what we are doing, but he isn’t interested in doing the research end of things. He was more heavily involved in the venue, the band, and is really interested in food.

He told me upfront he doesn’t even want to know about the cake (he doesn’t like cake – but he wants to cut one together) and the flowers.

He’s visited the venues, and is obviously going to go to the tasting at our venue, and I’m sure he’ll want to pick out his suit on his own.

I am surprised by how excited and eager to talk about it he is though, it has been really nice.

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