(Closed) Groom is Driving Me (MOH) Nuts.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with your friend, but I would say to the bride that I love helping you with your wedding plans but its very frustrating to come up with all these great ideas with you and then have the groom shoot them down.  I really want to help, but maybe you two can make all the decisions together and I can assist when need be, but regarding making decisions and having them all vetoed I cant do it anymore.

Post # 5
Member
46154 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Although many grooms do not want much involvement in deciding details about the wedding, some do. Apparently this groom is one of the ones who do.

Not knowing the couple or being party to their conversations, I can’t say if he is being too forceful or controlling,  if he is expressing  a legitimate opinion and she just defers to him every time, or if she is legitimately trying to come up with something both of them will love.

You can continue to be your friend’s sounding board or not-your choice. Even taking the groom out of the equation, there is no gaurantee that any bride would accept all the ideas suggested by a MOH anyway.

I don’t consider it a waste of time to be there for your friend, helping her with her wedding planning.

Post # 6
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’d like to know who is forking over the money for this wedding?  If he isn’t paying for it, he can keep his mouth shut.  I’d given my FI some input (he didn’t want a keg and hog roast) so we are having a sit down formal reception.  He didn’t like that the reception was at an Eagles Club and not a fancy ballroom, but my dad is paying, not him.  So tough luck.  This is where we meet in the middle.  My FI also picked the ceremony site (100% okay with me, beautiful arboretum).

If her FI is paying for the wedding, then yes, he ought to call most of the shots.  But I bet he is not paying for even 1/4 of it, so tell him to sit down and shut up!

Post # 7
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It sounds like you 2 are planning the wedding and he is the third party instead of them 2 planning and YOU being the third party. If i were you it would be pretty simple the next time she comes up with an idea just say: well I like it, but that’s not the issue, the issue is does groomy like it?

Post # 8
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think the bride and groom should handle the planning.  You can still be involved and help with tasks like stuffing invitations and making favors, but the wedding should be what they jointly want.  I would think the bride would want to avoid the frustration and just work with the groom alone at this point anyway?

Post # 9
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@anonybeee123:  I didn’t come across to me that way, you’re just saying you don’t want to make all these decisions with her for nothing, I was under the impression you would still help, just not as much with the decision making.

I don’t know how sensitive your friend is, but I think its basically saying to her its frustrating that we take all this time to make decisions and for what? bc they always get shot down.  I don’t think you should give up on her completely, but she needs to realize that you feel this way, if she can’t make decisions on her own thats fine, so can do it with her FI and you can assist when needed.

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The way you talk about the wedding plans…honestly, you talk like it is more your wedding than it is his. Which is obviously not the case. The groom has just as much of a right as the bride to veto things he dislikes. I don’t think you need to say anything to her because I really don’t see a problem here. The two of them are getting married, and they need to learn to compromise and find things THEY both like – not things the bride and her best friend both like.

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@anonybeee123:  Well, it’s definitely not fair for him to shoot down her ideas without coming up with any of his own – sorry if that’s how it came out, not how I meant it. I would encourage her to talk to him, they need to start having some discussions where they both share what they like and come up with some compromises. A lot of guys don’t care too much about the details, but some do…and even if they don’t, if they straight-up dislike something I don’t think it should be used. But it sounds like instead of trying to compromise and have a constructive conversation with him about this, your friend is just venting to you, which frusturates you and really doesn’t help anything.

Post # 15
Member
46154 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@anonybeee123:  I guess I’m just a bit surprised that you appear to think the groom doesn’t have any say.

I didn’t mean to imply that you are suggesting all the ideas.

Basically, it comes down to whether or not she wants his approval or not, and apparently she does.

If I were you I wouldn’t see the need to change a thing. Your friend wants you there as a sounding board, whether or not she ends up using the ideas the two of you have agreed upon.

In the grand scheme of life, the time you spend supporting her working her way through the decision making, won’t really add up to taking much time away from your life.

Post # 16
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

First of all….I’d be really annoyed too…

But, I think he’s got a right to be as involved in the decision making as he’s interested in being.  It’s his wedding too.  My fiance has some strong opinions about a couple things (and others are totally whaterver I want). I think your role is more to support and help her…which in this case means helping both of them plan a wedding they’ll both love.

Your descriptions sound like he’s not being constructive in his involvement.  It sounds like you two pick something and then he says “yay” or “nay”.   Maybe there are ways that you two could encourage him to be more helpful and less like some upper level manager 🙂

For example, if you and the bride have a “date” to go look at something, why don’t you suggest that she chat with it about her FI first.  She can ask him what types of things that he’d like or not like, maybe even sending text pictures while you’re out.  Then you’re helping facilitate their joint decision making and you also avoid the frustration of feeling like decisions are planned and then nixed.

ETA: Essentially, my opinion is that if he wants his opinions to matter, then he has to help plan and research too.  He’s not allowed to be a little princess, letting everyone plan his party and then picking at the details.

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