- 5 years ago
I had to go anonymous because I didn’t want the bride to ever find this and link it back to me. I would feel really terrible if she ever read this and knew how frustrated/annoyed I was with her groom, but I feel like I need advice.
The bride and I have been best friends for a very long time. She asked me to be her MOH and I was so honored. I am here to help her every step of the way. I am graciously accepting my “duties” and I’m excited for them. I’m excited to plan the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, to figure out every detail of the wedding from the centerpieces to her hair, etc., to help put the Save the Dates and the Invites together, to help pick out how the programs will look, to help set up, etc. I’ve been with her on all her wedding dress appointments, I was there when she picked the dress and I hope to be there for her first and final fittings, etc. I really love helping her out with this entire process! I love her, she’s a great person and she deserves to have everything as perfect as can be for her wedding.
However, every single decision that the bride and I make together gets vetoed by the groom. There hasn’t been a single decision that has been made (except for her bridal look because she’s not showing him that) that he hasn’t said he doesn’t like and makes her change.
Now, I totally get that the groom should be a part of the process. And I think it’s great that he wants to be a part of it, but I just feel like there are certain things that should remain the bride’s decision, including the details. She gets her heart set on something, she gets excited for it, then she shows it to him, he says he doesn’t like it and then she comes back to me and we have to start at the drawing board again to find something he might like. He’s VERY picky and particular about how he likes things. And I feel like it’s hard to get 3 minds to agree on something. Luckily, the bride and I agree on 99% of the things. We really have the same taste in everything and it’s making the wedding planning process go very smoothly because of it. But, he doesn’t have the same taste as us and that’s when we hit bumps in the road. And, I don’t really feel like he’s doing it because he is excited for the wedding, I just think he’s a controlling person in general, who likes everything in his life to be under control, and that he can’t relinquish control over the small little details of the wedding that normally makes girls excited because he just can’t relinquish control over anything in his life.
I just feel like I’m just wasting my time. Why bother? Why doesn’t she just do this with him from now on instead of with me? I really WANT to be a part of it, I want to help her make all the decisions and see all the options and help her pick things out. But, I don’t want to waste my time. I get really frustrated and sad because I think he’s controlling the situation and it makes me sad that she doesn’t say to him, “Here’s what I like and what we’re getting” and that his reponse isn’t, “That’s beautiful honey, whatever makes you happy.” Instead it’s “I don’t like this, this, that or the other thing” and she’s back trying to fix it.
I want to give examples so you guys can understand just how many little details or things he’s changed that most guys probably could care less about, but I’m also afraid that if I do that and she ever finds this, her feelings will be hurt or that she’ll be mad at me, and I really don’t want that to happen, obviously. I’m not mad at her, I’m just annoyed/frustrated at the situation and mostly at him.
My friend told me to draw the line and tell the bride that if her groom is going to keep changing everything, not to come to me anymore and that if she really valued my opinion, she wouldn’t change everything she wanted that we picked out together because he said he didn’t like something about it. She also said that I’m angry at the wrong person and that I should be angry at the bride for not being more forceful with the groom, but I understand the desire to want your groom’s opinion and approval on everything. And, I don’t really want to say anything to her to make her think that I no longer want to be a part of the process.
I don’t think there is a solution here, I think I’m just going to have to suck it up and deal with it until the wedding is over. This really was mostly a vent, but if you have any useful advice or words of encouragement, I would appreciate it.