(Closed) Groom might not make it to wedding day……

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

So stressful!  If he doesn’t have an opinion at first, he doesn’t have a right to complain after you get it done!

Post # 4
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yikes!! My FI has been the same way with – whatever you think fits our wedding best so hopefully a month before I won’t have a groomzilla. Sorry to hear about it though. Maybe there’s something deeper that’s bugging him? Talk to him and see what’s really upsetting him.

Post # 5
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Yes, FI has an opinion on everything – flowers, colors, food, etc.  I want him to have an opinion, but he doesn’t really help, just shoots down my ideas – he offers no alternatives though.  LOL.

Post # 6
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t have a groomzilla, but FI really wanted to elope and reluctantly agreed to the wedding when he found out how important it is to my family. Needless to say, he’s just not that into it. We’ve agreed that I will do most of the planning and leave him out of it. Fine, but he knows this means he forfeits the right to complain about my choices. He was kinda jerky at first and we had a few difficult conversations, but now he’s relaxing and getting a bit more enthusiastic.

I suspect that, for your guy, this isn’t really about the bon bons. Try to get to the real issue. Is the wedding getting too big/complex/expensive for his comfort? Is he stressed about something? Is there a way you can address his concerns by perhaps simplifying some of the last-minute details? I think many people feel overwhelmed by their wedding plans as the date draws near.

When we started planning, my FI said he didn’t want the wedding to become the focal point of our relationship and our main topic for conversation for the next several months. If I had to guess, I’d say your FI is burnt out on planning. I know your wedding date is near, but can you find time to put aside planning and just enjoy each other’s company? Don’t get so caught up in the WEDDING that you forget about the MARRIAGE you’re about to enter into.

Good luck! -JB

P.S. And people WILL SO eat the bon bons … just you wait ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 7
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Tell him that he should have spoken up when you asked his opinion during your 15 months of planning. If he doesn’t like everything, he has no one but himself to blame since he didn’t do any of the work or get involved the whole time you were planning.

Post # 8
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Oh good luck.  My husband had a moment like this a couple weeks before the wedding.  He saw me getting more and more stressed and it was stressing him and then started saying stuff like ‘why do we even need this stuff, no ones going to notice’ ‘all we have to do is say our vows, I don’t see the point of this other stuff’. Yeah….stuff he had been OK with, he was even saying why do we have to feed everyone.

Yup I feel bad but I flipped and called him a spoiled whiner that he went through having his family fly overseas to see us get married and then is going to complain about what his mom and I had been planning for the past bunch of months. We’d been working hard and mainly DIY to make sure everyone, including him ends up having a fun day and it’s worth it to them with only a little sweat off his back and maybe he could try just being more supportive instead of saying ‘why do we need this stuff’.  Too late now to try and have a small wedding when people have bought their plane tickets.  And his mom wasn’t going to host a wedding at her house and have it look unplanned. 

I apologized cause I’m usually better at explaining without getting angry but he got the point.  I think it was mainly my stress that was getting to him than anything else.  So I tried to calm down and nix a few last minute projects that were a bit less necessary and he became supportive groom and helped me calm down when I was getting stressed those last couple weeks and then we had a great wedding day.

Post # 10
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sounds like he’s just not managing his stress well!  I’d talk to him, tell him you’ve noticed his frustrations lately and see where he thinks its coming from.  Maybe he’ll speak up about something that was bothering him.  I’ve been ‘fortunate’ in that my FI hasn’t been a groomzilla… but he’s barely been a groom.  He’d be thrilled if all he had to do was show up to the wedding.  I recently tweaked on him and told him he’d be helping me more… or else!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m relieved to hear that this isn’t just me.

I did the same thing as mrsZ when the idea of the wedding came up and FI is the youngest of six and really wanted his own wedding like his other sibs.  Now, of course, FI says things like, “Why does that even matter?” regarding certain details.  We got in a little tiff over it yesterday, when discussing our entrance song and he apologized profusely once I explained to him that he was driving me bananas!

Only seven more weeks thank goodness.

Post # 12
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

 My now Husband is very into the style and design of everything that goes into the house or what went into the wedding. Whch is nice for the most part, but can get old fast. Lucky for me we have the same style in general, but when it comes to me having ideas on anything he always says “well show me what you have in mind” Or “I will have to see it” There are times that he won’t like things (like when we were doing our 3 year olds “big girl” room a few weeks ago.) He will just say he doesn’t like it but won’t offer an alternative. And its not like I put 5 min. into searching and planning this out. It tooks months for me to find just what I wanted. I’m like i swear if I hear you say you don’t like something one more time and not say what it is about it you don’t like and help find something you do I will hurt you.

Maybe the change in opinion is because when you brought all these ideas to him, it was one thing at a time and was only 21.00 here or this is only 30.00. But the last few days he has started to piece the costs of all these things together and see that they are adding up, and its leading to frustration. I can totally see that, I got to that same point where you have stressed about it for some long you start to think why didn’t we just do xyz and then have all that money to do this, that, or the other.

I so just realized the age of this post but hey maybe someone else will stumble across it!!! Hope the wedding went well ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Pre wedding stress probably dont let it get you down. FI has also been just saying whatever you want princess I dont care so Im worried he will get like this .. Ugh oh.

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