(Closed) Groom seeking answers

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You could make them ushers, which means that they’ll greet people as they come in, hand out programs and help guests find seats. Having ushers would probably be helpful in your situation because you don’t have a bride’s side or groom’s side, so they can inform the guests of that and make sure the two sides have a fairly balanced number of guests. Most people will automatically sit on the correct side and you wouldn’t want your side to fill and your fiancées side to be empty.

Alternatively or in addition, you could have them do readings during the ceremony, make speeches at the reception, or be the MC at the reception. There’s a bunch of stuff, but that’s all I can think of right now.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Welcome to the Bee!!  I’m sorry you are having a bit of tension.  Could the fathers perhaps do readings?  Or maybe not serve as groomsmen, but simply as ushers? They could both wear a boutonniere and greet and seat guests as they come in?  Maybe one or both could give a toast at the reception?

Post # 5
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Hello, and welcome to the bee 🙂

Is your FI close to either one or both of them?

Maybe you could have one of them walk her down the aisle and one of them be your best man. There is no rule that says both sides have to be even.

Post # 7
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Honestly if I was your dad or stepdad and was told to be an usher I’d be insulted.  The groom’s parents don’t traditionally have a real “part” in the wedding.  I think making sure they both have boutonnieres and that they both have the chance to give a toast at the reception will help ease a little tension. 

Your seating will also be a big deal, so I’d recommend having your dad sit in the front row on one side and your stepdad and mom in the front row on the other side at the ceremony.  Seating at the reception will be tricky too, they’ll both want to sit next to you or at an important place.  I would avoid sitting directly next to either of them, it’ll make the other jealous.  I would sit them at the same table, equidistant from your head table (if you’re doing a head table).  If you’re not doing a head table, then I would seat yourself, your bride, her bridesmaid (and guest?), your mom, your dad and your stepdad all at the same table.  Just not next to each other or next to you. 

I’m sorry there’s tension there, I had to deal with the same thing at my wedding with my DH’s mother and stepmother.  We ended up having a head table and seating all the parents together at the nearest guest table.

Post # 8
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Traditionally the grooms parents don’t really have a role in the ceremony, unless they are doing readings. Why not have one give a reading of his choosing for you, and the other give the first speech at the reception?

Post # 9
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You could have each of them do a reading. Or if you don’t want them to play the same type of role you could have one do a reading at the ceremony and one do a toast at the reception. Since your fiance doesn’t have a lot of family it shouldn’t be an issue to have your mom and stepdad sit on one side of the aisle (yet still front row) and your dad sit on the other side of the aisle in the front row. You can google different types of ceremonies because there are certain types that have parts for the parents so you could have your dad play a part in one of those ceremonies and have your stepdad do a reading. Speak to your officiant as well, they could have some great ideas for you.

Post # 10
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Just a tip – make sure your photographer knows about this tension well in advance so they can steer clear of any potential arguments.

I wanted my uncle (with whom I am very close to) to be a part of my special day and I just asked him what he felt comfortable doing – and since my dad is in a wheelchair, my uncle will be sharing my father/daughter dance with him – totally his idea (with the blessing of my father).  By asking each “dad” what they envision, there will be less of a chance you’ll insult either since they had a hand in the planning.

I’m sorry to hear there is tension and I hope you both have a wonderful wedding and beautiful marriage!

Post # 11
Member
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’d have them do meaningul readings. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Tradition, shmadrtion! If you want your father and step father to have roles in your wedding, do it! Ushers are a great idea. Readings are great too! As far as being insulted if you asked them, it’s all in how you approach the question. Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Depending on how formal you are planning on being and what your sense of humour is, you could always do a pair of father-son dances 😉

More seriously, have you considered their personal or professional skills and aspects of the wedding planning they can help out with? If there is an opportunity to showcase their contribution and possibly even mention it in a wedding program then there is a good opportunity to incorporate them. Maybe there are some ways they could be there for the bride as well as yourself. One could see that your bride gets to the ceremony on time, one could be responsible for seeing that the vendors are paid for.

Toasts are always nice.

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