Groom taking bride's last name

posted 1 year ago in Names
  • poll: What do you think of a groom taking the bride's last name upon marriage? -choose as many as you like
    A bad sign...seems like the man is "whipped" and the woman is too dominant : (79 votes)
    12 %
    Refreshing! I like it when people do unconventional things that make as much sense as the convention : (117 votes)
    18 %
    I'm curious... I assume there's a story behind it : (102 votes)
    15 %
    "Feminism" run amok : (66 votes)
    10 %
    Highly offensive to the groom's parents : (38 votes)
    6 %
    The groom must have had a terrible sounding last name : (92 votes)
    14 %
    I'm PUMPED! Way to help weaken a tradition that's really just a subtle form of antiquated patriarchy : (76 votes)
    11 %
    Sad. I really like the tradition, just because it's a tradition, despite the inequality to it : (70 votes)
    11 %
    A bit envious. I wish I had done this. : (26 votes)
    4 %
  • Member
    5755 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I know one couple that did, not the most shining example of equality between bride and groom if you know what I mean, but honestly, it’s no one’s business but theirs….and I think people should do what works for them.

    Member
    1655 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t know anyone who has done this. But I do know a couple who added the bride;s middle name into the husbands middle name instead of his!

    I like the tradition of taking the man’s name personally.

    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee

    FI and I have been talking a lot about it. We did consider this.

    What we’re doing is each of us is keeping our own last name, but we’re taking one another’s last names as another middle name. So my name will be Adrianna Jean hislastname mylastname. And his will be Bradley middlename mylastname hislastname.

    Equality is very important for us. Our kids are going to have one of our last names as a middle name and one as a last name. Leaning towards my name being the last name because my family’s name is about to die out, and his, well, not so much.

    Member
    8754 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I think it’s a bit refreshing, but if it’s done here I am a little curious if there’s a story behind it.  When a woman takes her husband’s name, it’s not a legal name change, the opposite can only be done via a legal name change though.

    Member
    2653 posts
    Sugar bee

    My ExH seriously considered taking my last name when we were married bc he wasn’t too fond of his. It wasn’t family-related or anything; he just didn’t like the sound of it and was tired of people misspelling it. However since he was the only child while I had a brothe to carry on my family’s name, we opted to go the traditional route. 

    @AB Bride:  When a woman takes her husband’s name and goes through all of the paperwork, that’s a legal change. If she just goes by his last name without actively pursuing the process of changing it, then it’s not legal.

    Member
    5951 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I have read that like 1% of groom’s take their bride’s last name – and that was like 10 years ago.  I would think that they guy is rather progressive – and nothing negative!

    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee

    I knew a couple who did this. The groom didn’t have a good relationship with his family and didn’t feel attached to his last name, so they both just agreed they would share her last name. I thought it was cool, but I think all name-changing or keeping options are equally great, just whatever works for the couple.   

    Member
    8754 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @HisMoon:  That’s not how the government here views it:

    In Alberta, a woman may assume the last name of her husband as this is traditionally recognized. She may assume just his last name or her last name combined with his; the order of the two last names is optional.

    When a woman marries in Alberta and chooses to assume her husband’s last name, Alberta Vital Statistics does not deem this to be a legal change of name. When a couple marries in Alberta, Vital Statistics will not change the woman’s birth record to reflect her newly assumed last name nor would a notification document be forwarded to another province/country (in which she was born) advising them of such. When a woman, who marries in Alberta only assumes her husband’s last name, she may decide to return to the last name on her birth certificate at any time.


    A little weird, isn’t it?

    Member
    3977 posts
    Honey bee

    @AB Bride:  Honestly some Canadian provinces are awesome this way. It’s not common to “assume” a name here. You change it legally on all your documents except your birth certificate.. you get a new social security card, drivers license, etc, and your name changes on all other official documents like a passport. Then it’s a hassle to change back if you get divorced. I really really want to use my future husband’s name socially and keep legally everything with my maiden name, but its’ really uncommon and difficult to explain to people.

    Member
    2653 posts
    Sugar bee

    Oh wow. First of all, I think it’s a little weird that they felt the need to state they aren’t changing birth records to reflect the new name. I mean, lol, that’s sort of a duh in my head. Otherwise, that’s interesting. I wonder what the legal ramifications are for federal type stuff? How does that work for taxes? My ExH is Canadian (Ontario), but we got married and lived in the USA, so we didn’t have to deal with Canadian law.

    Member
    2653 posts
    Sugar bee

    @love108:  Ohhhh ok I see the difference. I read “assume” as to mean “change legally.” Thanks!

    Member
    8754 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @love108:  I like the way it’s set up for women to change their names when they are married to a man.  It’s discriminatory though, IMO, because for any other combination of name change (man takes spouse’s, woman takes woman’s) they then have to pay for a legal name change.

     

    @HisMoon:  I don’t know.  I didn’t actually change my name, I just use DH’s socially, but looked into it when I was deciding what to do.  I would assume that the provincal gov. forwards the info to the feds.  The social insurance number would be the same, just with the new name so that should simplify it for taxes I guess.  They do encourage you to get new ID with the new name so it all matches with the exception of the birth certificate.

    Member
    2653 posts
    Sugar bee

    @AB Bride:  That stinks for the men. I wonder why they can’t assume their wives’ names in the same way. That being said, I’ve heard it’s a bit more of a hassle for a man to take his wife’s name here in the USA even within the same process. It’s so uncommon that I think the hurdles are more bureaucratic than legal if that makes any sense.

    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I dont like it, just my opinion. I would never do it or expect my FI to even consider it

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    • Posted 2 months ago by nikkimcq
    • 8 last comment

    Wife AND husband changing names?

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