Post # 1
The Groom and i have been having a little back and forth discussion. He says he wants to have a shot of patron before the ceremony and he wants to have a shot with his groomsmen at the reception. And now he wants to know why he can’t just at least get buzzed. I know him very well. He won’t say no to any of the guests passing him a shot. I don’t want a drunk groom! His brother in law is very persistent when it comes to offering shots. We expect him to be going table to table with shot glasses, and I want him to do that. But I do not want my husband to be drunk at our wedding. It’s frustrating because i hate telling him what to do, and apparently it’s sort of tradition for the groom to be drunk at his own wedding on his side of the family. I don’t want his drunken antics to be the only thing our guests remember. What’s the best way to approach this without insulting his family?
Post # 3
Can he wait until a certain time later in the evening, and start drinking then?
Post # 4
excellent idea mrbee. my FI and FI’s mother were given a time to start drinking by my FI’s sister at her wedding. ultimately, you’re right though. drunken grooms are no fun for sober brides 🙁 good luck with this tough decision!
Post # 5
My husband had a drink before the wedding and he wasn’t drunk. I also had 2 mimosa’s. We were not drunk during the cocktail hour or beginning of the reception but by the time we were all out dancing, and it was late night, we both ended up drinking and feeling the effects. We had both adamantly said we were not going to drink much at the wedding. However, it was so hot and I kept drinking my drinks fast because I was so hot and thirsty, and we both hardly ate the meal, I think it’s inevitable if you have any drinks at all to have at least a buzz. To be honest, now that the wedding is said and done, I wouldn’t worry about it at all. The night will just kind of take on it’s own two feet, and you will be having so much fun that as long as you or your fiance isn’t wasted, I think you will not care as much as you think now that you would if you guys were a little tipsy. Like I said, we were sure we weren’t going to drink – and we did- and we had such a blast, that we’re ok with how it ended up. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 6
I think Mr. Bee is on the right track. Ask him to wait until after the first dance, cake cutting and pictures then he can cut lose. After dinner many guests will leave so then you’ll mostly have family and people who are partying it up. So maybe it wouldn’t be to bad for them to see him tipsy. You might remind him that you’d also like to be able to enjoy your alone time that night and feel good the next day for whatever plans you have for the next day.
Post # 7
IF he can have JUST ONE, he’ll be fine. It’s sort of a ritual anyways, sometimes. I think it’s fun when everyone has one drink before they go to calm their nerves. We had some sparkling wine before my wedding and nobody was being ridiculous. Surely the brother doesn’t want to get him plastered! Being even buzzed is totally NOT okay. Yikes.
Personally, EVERYBODY drank at our wedding. DH and I drank, too, and we weren’t doing crazy drunk antics, we were dancing and having a good time. Trust me, after such a long, exhausting day, you might be surprised that you *need* that beer, haha.
Post # 8
I think Mr. Bee had a good idea, try to ask your FI if he can wait until the reception to get tipsy. I’d say it wouldn’t be a big deal for him just to have shot with his GM, but it sounds like he’s looking to get drunk, not just toast and celebrate. If it were me, I’d try to explain to him how important the wedding is to you. After all the work you’ve put in planning everything, you want to remember it all! Also, are you leaving for your honeymoon the next day? Maybe you can focus on that, so he won’t want to be hungover on your trip.
FWIW, my family are pretty big drinkers, but I hardly had any time to drink anything all night. I had a glass of champagne at the toast and a glass of wine with dinner, but that was it. I spent most of the night talking to guests and dancing and I didn’t want to do all that with a drink in my hand (and risk spilling on my dress!)
Post # 9
ugh, i am sorry! =( tradition? i think maybe his family should think of a better tradition than to be drunk at your own wedding…but yeah, i second mrbee and others on this thread – if he could just wait a little bit into the event, it should be okay. good luck! =)
Post # 10
It depends on your guy. Does he have a history of being “that drunk guy”?
I wasn’t planning to drink before the wedding but I was thinking that I would be buzzed by the end of the night. I was wrong.
I planned to arrive at the ceremony by boat and while walking down the dock to get on the boat it started to POUR raining. I ran down the dock, jumped on the boat and gladly accepted the corona I was offered.
At the reception, I was SO thirsty that I kept asking for water, then as the night went on, I got like 5 beers but kept losing them b/c I would put them down when I was called to the dance floor for cake cutting etc. By the end of the night I was stone sober, I actually ended up driving the new hubby and his drunk friends back to the hotel.
So, I drank before the wedding, was completly sober by the end of the night and drove my car in my wedding dress!
Post # 11
You can’t have both (wanting him to have his shots and not have a drunk groom). I think you need to tell him that you don’t want a drunk groom. There’s nothing wrong in a few shots here or there, but if he can’t tell when to stop and things are getting out of control, then he should allow you to be the voice of reason. You shouldn’t have to play babysitter to him either. If he’s feeling like he can’t refuse – he can always get a smaller shot, or not drink the whole thing. But, if he has problems controlling his alcohol in general, then you may need to enforce stricter guidelines on how much is consumed.
Post # 12
I know that my fiance mentioned he would like to have a drink with all the guys pre-wedding … like all of his friends and guys etc … but my wedding planner was like you cannot drink before coming to church … haha.
I know that a drunken bride is no fun … but it kind of turns me on if he’s a little bit buzzed … I don’t know why. I don’t like the taste of alcohol … but I love the smell of it on my fiances breath.
Post # 13
We both plan on having our share of drinks at our reception. We’ve sort of agreed to stay sober until a certain point in the night to do all the obligatory stuff. Unfortunately, it sounds as though his family is bent on having him drunk off his butt at the reception. Speak to him and let him know all your concerns…that’s really all you can do.
Post # 14
We’ve both agreed not to get sloppy with it. It is our wedding day, and we don’t want to look back and wonder about what we were doing…and we want to enjoy the reception. That being said, I can see how easy it would be to feel the effects faster than on a normal day.
You’re rushing around, not eating, then guzzling the drinks because you’re thirsty…it could happen. Can a guy get involved to “cut” your guy off at a limit that he’ll recognize is on the border of inebriated? That way he can drink and have fun to a point…and then it’s not YOU telling him to stop?
Post # 15
It’s a tradition for the groom to be smashed on his wedding day? I don’t really wanna pass judgement, but that’s AWFUL!! It’s just asking for trouble. Eeek
Anyway, this is a tough situation because whenever you tell someone not to do something, they automatically want to do it. Sigh. If you pressure him about having only ONE drink before the ceremony he might end up drinking more. Maybe just bring it up that you’ll be extremely disappointed if he shows up drunk to the ceremony & that you’d like it if he could save the partying for later in the night?
Post # 16
We decided we didn’t want to drink at our wedding. Most likely just a glass of champagne with toasts.