Groom with Registry Issues..

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

mmolloy:  We did, but it was more mutual, rather than his wants vs. my own.  We both struggled with the registering.  I, in fact, hated it.  We both owned our homes, before selling mine, and moving into his, and therefore combined many things, or donated excessive items.  WHAT MORE COULD WE POSSIBLY NEED?!

Obviously, a lot of people find money to be a wonderful gift, but I did not want to demand it, so we cautiously registered for enough items to cover the shower.  We were surprised at some of things we thought we would register for, but did not and visa versa.  Things, such as, new pots and pans.  The ones we have are in GREAT condition, and the registry consultant stated that having a new set on standby was a great idea.  However, my FI made the point that in 5 years, IF we needed a new set,  upgraded pans could be different, or new trends may transpire, thus making our standby set not as ideal.  

On the flipside, we registered for new everyday plates, when we thought we would not, etc.  We also went for new bedding, which individually adds up!!  

By the time the wedding came around, our registry was completed, and 98% of guests gave us cash as a wedding gift.  I think people are more ‘in tune’ with understanding that the couple does not necessarily want a new picture frame!  (or, maybe we were just lucky?!)

Lastly, registries do not need to be just basic household items.  It is more and more common to register for wall art, tools, barware – ‘fun’ things.  Maybe your FI would enjoy doing that more!!

Post # 3
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

SAME BOAT!!! My FI Only wants cash. We already live together and have just everything. I wasn’t going to argue with him mines about it so I made one on my own with just kitchen items. Not too many things. But basically nicer things than what we have. He asked me about it. And I told him, Since I am the one who does all the cooking and anything remotely design related in our home. His opinion wasn’t needed.

 

Post # 4
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well you can for one, tell him that it’s really inappropriate to ask anyone for cash/money. For two, if he’s not interested in registering with you, then I’d just do it on my own! Registering would have probably been a lot more fun with a girlfriend or my mom than with my husband. He mostly followed me around with the gun 🙂

Post # 5
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I know this is a touchy subject, but honeymoon registries are basically asking for cash, which is always tacky. Just make a small registry and call it a day. People can figure it out. And gifts should always be appreciated and never expected, even if they are a potpourri bowl from TJ Maxx.

Post # 6
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

mmolloy:  Sorry to get all serious here… I’m just wondering… have you thought at all about how this is going to impact your relationship in the future? Why does he prefer cash? Why do you prefer the registry? Why does he prefer not to replace things that break? There’s got to be a lot more there- it sounds like the two of you handle home/money differently, and if you haven’t talked about it much I think it would be a great idea to start talking now. What is it about it that matters to you? 

I can also see how it doesn’t seem like a big deal to him now, but when I had my shower I was basically weeping because I was so thrilled that we will have all these wonderful things in our home from the people we love and we’ll think of them all the time and how they helped us build our home as we go into our marriage. It meant a lot to me and it might mean a lot in that way, or a different way, to one or both of you. 

Post # 7
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Do it yourself. My DH wanted nothing to do with registering so I just did it myself. He bitched about getting stuff that I really didn’t need, but I knew if I didn’t register for gifts, like you said, I’d end up with a bunch of crap I didn’t need or want and couldn’t return. He now happily uses a lot of that crap that we didn’t need…

Post # 8
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

mmolloy:  Oh and as for the fun things PP noted above 🙂

We registered for board games, beach chairs, camping equipment, lots of fun stuff and people so far have LOVED buying them for us, they get all excited. So you can always go that way too.

Post # 9
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

OMG…had I only seen this post last week!! lol

My FI is the SAME WAY! We both had full houses and merged them and we don’t need anything. Seriously we have NO ROOM even for a lot of duplicates that are sitting in the garage as we try and sell off the extras. 

So with that already in mind, FI didn’t want to ask anyone for anything but both our mom’s requested we have something, even if it’s to upgrade to something that is “ours” and not a his or hers. So we decided to do a small registry this past weekend. 

I should have just done it myself. We went, he was hungry and cranky, the manager at the store was non stop talkative and following us “because we were nice” and he was avoided another customer that was angry and wanted to talk to him.

FI gave me the gun and I kept trying to ask him what he wanted, what he preferred, asking him to pick things that didn’t matter to me and he kept saying I don’t care, I just want to get out of here or would just pick some random thing or close his eyes and pick. Seriously?

I truly should have just gone myself. We did just make it a small one though.

Post # 10
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

FI and I couldn’t agree on where to register or what to register for, so we just skipped it altogether. We share an apartment, we have the basics we need, and asking for cash just felt insanely gauche. Problem solved!

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