Post # 1
I need some help bees.
Here’s the story: My FI and I used to live in Southern California. Most of his family lived 8.5 hours north of us. Last December we both moved to where his family was because he got a job. When we got engaged we decided that we would both like to get married in Yosemite. It’s only 3 hours from our home and is where he proposed and we just love that place. It has special meaning to us.
Here’s where the issues arose. Soon after getting engaged we started hearing grumbling. Mostly his family worrying about cost (this is before they heard about the location). Then we heard his Grandmother was probably not coming to the wedding. She got very uspet that we were having it in Yosemite. She thinks that most of her friends won’t come and she thinks that is very sad. Personally, I haven’t seen the “friends” she wants to invite in over 7 years. If you were to ask me or my FI to pick them out of a line-up we couldn’t. However, I know they are important to her, so we told her they were invited.
My FI’s dad said he thinks we’re being extremely selfish for having it in Yosemite. Are we? I didn’t think we were. I got the wedding and reception location for an amazing price. I would not be able to find anything that nice in my hometown for that price. We don’t ask for a lot. We paid our way through college, we have not asked for any money ever, and are not asking money for the wedding. They just need to show up. My family is coming from Washington and So. Cal and have not complained about the wedding location.
Getting married has not been fun. I cry all the time. I’m always stressed and I never sleep. After 8 years with my FI I thought everyone would just be excited that we were finally getting married.
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re being selfish–the wedding is about you and your fi. But having it somewhere that’s a destination (ie, not as easily accessible) means you also have to accept that not everyone will be as likely to come.
Post # 4
I don’t think you are being ridiculous at all! I am so sorry you are feeling bad. This should be a joyous time for you and your FI and you should NOT feel bad about choosing a place that’s important to you both. I would love to go to a semi-destination wedding for a nice weekend away, I’m sure it will be beautiful!
They really need to get over it and and stop making comments, especially if they are not contributing to the wedding. Can you have your FI speak with them and let them know how much this is affecting you?
Post # 5
No, you aren’t being selfish.
when I got married, our parents paid the entire bill. So they did get a bit of a say when/where it would be. we picked our venue, but my mother got to have quite a bit of control over the wedding date. It all worked out for us, there was little whining and complaining.
if you are financing the wedding yourselves, then I strongly feel you get complete veto power to have the wedding where you want it.
people who complain over a three hour drive would most likely complain about anything. Not even a big issue.
Just this past summer we attended a cousins’s wedding….we had a 10-hour drive. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I certainly didn’t complain. Not my wedding.
Post # 6
Welcome to adulthood…. ain’t it grand?
For me, the answer to this question is the same as when you plan a kid-free wedding or when you decide to (or not to) have kids on your own time (or at all) instead of their timeline, or what you decide to do with those kids once you decide to have them, or where you plan to spend your holidays now that you are married.
Decide what it is you and your FH want. Just like all the decisions you and hubs will make from now on…. know that there ARE going to be consequences because you can’t make everyone happy all of the time. Then decide if those consequences are ones you and FH are willing to accept. If they are…. then go with it. If they aren’t… then change your plan, together.
Where you will get in trouble is if you and hubs either don’t agree on what consequences you are willing to accept or one of you doesn’t back the other. THEN you have problems.
In this case…. this is FI’s family – so his battle to fight. If it were your family… you’re battle. Each of you backs the other.
Post # 7
My fiance’s family is doing this as well. We live in Kingston, Ontario, my father’s family lives only an hour away including grandparents. His family lives in Kitchener, Ontario (about 4.5 hours from the location we want), and are in a right snit about it.
The location offers catering on site, is on the only white sand beach in Canada, allows a beach wedding, has hotels, cottages and suites on site. It’s also insanely cheap compared to having it at some rinky-dink hotel in their city!
Apparently it’s ‘a lot to ask’ for a couple of retirees to drive out for an early wedding and dinner and then stay over when they were planning on vacationing there two weeks later anyway! And they’re upset because they know some of their siblings (aunts and uncles of FI) won’t make the drive! Boo fricking hoo! We’re barely inviting them as is.
Sometimes you just have to tell people to stuff it.
Post # 8
DW bring out the best in people…NOT! Just go with what you and your FH want. Even if it is selfish (which it isn’t), you are allowed to be a little selfish on YOUR wedding day!
We are having a DW as well and have to accept that not everyone will make it not will they all be happy with our decision. Oh well…it is their choice whether to come or not and should they choose not to we will miss them but that is a consequence we are willing to accept.
Post # 9
Three hours is not far. I think your Fi needs to tell them due to budget and sentimental reasons this is your destination. He isn’t having this discussion again, you guys made your choice and they don’t have to like it but they do have to respect it.
Traveling three hours for your Son’s/grandson wedding I don’t think is too much to ask.