Post # 1
Ok, maybe I’m off base here…
So my FI’s good friend is very well off. He is in the wedding and Fiance had a hard time deciding between this guy and another as the best man. He and his wife live about 3 hours away- so I’ve only met them once. They’re VERY nice…. very very different from us. But, good people!
So the friend has mentioned this a few times to FI- so I’m thinking he is serious. This guy golfs at minimum 2-3 times a week in warm weather. He and his family go on golf outtings- they’re pretty hard core about golf. Fiance only dreams of golfing at our local 9 hole course once a week. (first- he just doesn’t have the time… and 2nd we don’t have that much extra cash to spend on stuff like that…. especially with the wedding).
So the friend wants to give “us”/him a trip to Michigan on one of his family golf weekends as our wedding gift. He said they’d leave Thurs night and come back Sunday afternoon.
I think this is WEIRD as a wedding gift. Congrats on being married- leave your new wife and come on a trip with me and the boys! Basically- it’s a bachellor’s party….after the wedding. The guy is coming down for the bachellor party.
I’ve overheard their last conversation on the phone about this…. basically the friend keeps asking if I’m ok with it. So I think he knows its kind of weird…. and I highly doubt his very proper wife thinks that this is ok. And my Fiance says “well, all the other gifts are for her anyways… so I’m sure she’ll be ok with it.”
I’ve not asked for any big ticket items. I have debated my dinnerware to death (which according to several Bees— isn’t That expensive) … and finally left it on my registry.
Am I way out of line for being annoyed with this?
I won’t be mad if he goes AT ALL…. I guess I just think its in poor taste- and I know that there are so many other things that we Need for our house… and to spend that much on a gift and it be a one time experience for only one of us. Annoy. lol
Post # 3
Hon, resepecting the fact that you’re disappointed, you know that you do not get to dictate what anyone decides to give you. It’s a gift. And while yes, a trip JUST for Fiance and not for you AND a trip that seems to be pretty self-serving for the giver, is crap, frankly, if friend wants to call it a wedding gift and give it as such, you pretty much have to smile and thank him. It might be impolite of him not to give anything for the two of you as a couple, but it’d also be impolite for you to complain at someone else’s generosity–no matter how misguided you find that generosity to be (and believe me, this is good training for whenever that god-awful regifted fiestaware toiletpaper holder arrives from some distant relative 🙂
Another way to look at it is that this friend is trying to give your Fiance a good time. Thank him for doing something nice for someone you love.
Post # 4
Why not a golf outing in your area? I don’t see why he needs to be taken on a weekend long trip to MI, away from you. I don’t see why he can’t go golfing somewhere by you. I’m not sure how much it would cost to travel and golf in MI, maybe the money that would go towards that could go towards a membership to a golf club in IN? If it was me, I can say I probably wouldn’t be very happy about the situation…..I would want to spend time with my new husband after the wedding.
were you given the option of tagging along? Golf may not be your cup of tea but if his friend’s wife is also going maybe you two could go out shopping while the guys golf?
Post # 5
At first, my reaction was that you were overreacting. Then I stopped and really thought about what I would have felt if it were me, and I see what you are saying – to a point.
On the one hand, it’s a bit odd for a wedding gift, if only because it really is for only one person in the couple. On the other hand, I personally wouldn’t be bothered by the “leave your wife behind” implications you mentioned – he is not offering a trip to Vegas or Amsterdam’s red light district; he is kindly offering to include your Fiance in something he can “only dream about”. And to be fair, a lot of bridal registries pretty much are for the bride – you sort of say so yourself when you mention what “I” asked for or “my” dinnerware.
So, I don’t think it’s an inappropriate wedding gift, just a bit unusual. And it would be ungracious to complain about an unusual wedding gift.
Post # 6
No, this is all about “the guys”. Nothing to do with me. I will say Fiance doesn’t have a lot of friends in the area. He has his work buddies- but not anyone he really hangs out with… and then he has my friends’ SO’s/ husbands. SO, I guess I understand the appeal of how this sounds.
I feel like I can’t really say anything here. As BothCoasts said… I don’t get to dictate gifts. I feel that the options (membership/gift card… whatever) He’s more than welcome to come down and golf here anytime! Or even an invite up to Chicago for us both to stay in maybe a nice hotel and then one day he and the friend meet up to go golf….
I just feel a wedding gift is for BOTH (even the kitchen gadgets… he gets to eat my yummy food… so it is still to his benefit) There are SO many options I can come up with to get the two of them together to golf… that wouldn’t be so “just for the guys”.
His wife is also not invited. They have a young son and she is currently 4 or 5 mos pregnant. So, I highly doubt she’ll be game for much travel come July 🙂
As I’ve said- I won’t be mad if he goes…. I just wish, if they were going to spend that kind of cash it was less of a gift for himself and more for the good of our new family.
Post # 7
I don’t think you are over-reacting at all. I think a weekend getaway just for the groom is a gift to him only, which is not an approriate wedding gift. All the house stuff on registries may seem like it’s for the bride but it benifits both the bride and groom, (the groom will be eating food made with those appliances, off of those dishes, and drinking from the glass on a traditional registry).
That being said, I’m not really sure how to go about turning the gift down. If the friend was really interested in getting your Fiance a golfing trip as a gift, he would have done it for both of you, so you and your Fiance can go golfing together.
We got one gift that was very clearly geared towards Darling Husband only and even Darling Husband thought it was extremely weird and not really an appropriate wedding gift.
Post # 8
I guess I see it as someone giving us a Coach purse as a wedding gift.
Post # 9
I won’t turn it down or probably say anything to anyone… MAYBE Fiance. I just hope that the friend or his wife don’t bring it up in a joking manner… I’m not so sure that I can be super nice about it.
The other thing that bothers me is that this will have to take place during football season— when I hardly ever see my Fiance OR the week after our honeymoon.
Post # 10
Maybe it’s not going to be their only gift. If they really are as well-to-do as you say, is it possible that his “very proper” wife will send you guys a registry gift as well? Would that change the way you feel about it?
To me, it would remove the hesitancy because then it’s not truly his “wedding gift”, but a gift to a good friend in honor of this big step in his life. That seems fair to me.