Groom's grandfather a wedding no-show. How to navigate from here?

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@babe_bamboo:  Husband’s grandfather, husband’s problem. Follow your husband’s lead. When in doubt, just be polite as if nothing happened. There’s nothing to be gained from holding a grudge over this.

EDIT: Who told you that the real reason was an argument? Is it possible your source was wrong and the grandmother was telling the truth?

Post # 5
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee

i would leave it alone and not say anything. Its not going to change past. They were obviously not comfortable with telling you that they were fighting, so they said something else. Maybe they like to keep their romantic life private, dont pry or get passive aggressive. 

 

But that is just me. If you are really hurt and cant or dont want to let it go, i think you should find a straight forward nice way of telling him you wish he could have been there, and then let it go. Talk to him before thanksgiving to get everything settled before then. 

 

Post # 6
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@babe_bamboo:  My $0.02…..

 

$0.01 – YOU intereact with his Grandfather the exact same way as you did before.  I appreciate being hurt on behalf of your husband, but it is his family, not yours, and the best thing you can do is, well, nothing.

 

 

 

$0.01 – Have you ever heard the phrase “You make me a better person”? Here’s how you can make your husband (congrats) a “better person”–you remind him that his grandparents are human and imperfect, and obviously were not in a good place the day of your wedding.  Rather than bring their tension and marital strife to your wedding, he stayed home.  No doubt there is nothing he wanted more in the world than to be there, but for everyone involved, he felt it would be better if he didn’t go. You have no idea how their argument might have played out at your wedding. Which would have made you feel worse? If he wasn’t there, or if their emotions got the best of them, and you had to witness two people you love and respect errupt into a screaming match in front of your closest friends and family?

 

You help him see it from a different perspective, you stay calm and forgiving yourself, and he will take his emotional cues from you.  

 

Post # 7
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@babe_bamboo:  There are some other possibilities:

1. Maybe grandma lied to your MIL too, and the truth is something else. Old people can get conditions which are embarassing to talk about.

2. Maybe grandma told both of you half the truth, e.g. grandpa had a sore hip and it led to an argument about whether he should go.

Anyway, just take it at face value and move on. Like I said the first time, I don’t see anything to be gained from holding a grudge over it. Oh and congrats on your marriage 🙂

Post # 8
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Just let it go. At least it wasn’t his mom or dad. If that happens to me I will flip a lid.

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