(Closed) Groom's mother only allowed to invite one guest?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t thnk you can just have people show up uninvited but I would have your son talk to her and reiterate how important it is that these 6 people be invited.  

Post # 4
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would talk to your son about it. It may not be in their budget for them to have additional guests.

Post # 5
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@ma4groom:  First, I’m sorry to hear that your future daughter in law could not include your family/friends.

Whether you contribute financially or not, she should have considered your list of guests.  I understand that many brides have a limit on budget, room, etc but 3 couples isn’t that many.. . even if there’s only a total of 50 invites.

On that note, she or your son are under no obligation to pay for your flight, room, etc. . .though that would have been a really nice gesture.

Finally, instead of bringing “uninvited” guests to the wedding, talk to your son and see what’s really going on.  The last thing you want to do start your relationship with your future daughter in law on a sour note.  

Maybe it’s a miscommunication, maybe it’s an oversight.  Either way, I hope you’re able to resolve your issue.

Post # 6
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Definitley have him talk to her, if she won’t listen to you. I can’t say I agree with PP… even with a tight budget, there is no reason for her to just snub your list! I don’t think having people show up uninvited is the answer, but there has to be some wiggle room. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s unfortunate she didn’t invite those you suggested.  It sounds like a fairly small wedding.  What relations were they?  (e.g. grandparents?  siblings?  aunts/uncles?  second cousins?)  Are any from the groom’s father’s side invited?  It’s hard to agree she’s a bridezilla without knowing more facts (for example, did she invite immediate family only on her side and you are wanting to invite second cousins), but also you need to accept this as a joint decision by the bride AND your son and not cast all the blame on her.  Unfortunately, if you are not paying, that means you also don’t get any say over the wedding.  I’d talk to your son.

It is a simple affair at her family’s home. I am paying for all my costs (flight, car, motel, food, etc on credit) since no one is offering any pickup/room to stay. 

People don’t usually offer rooms, even to their own side.  Things are just too crazy and there aren’t enough.  While I appreciate frustration on the other points, please let this one go!  Also, considering asking for an airport pickup rather than hoping one will be offered.

ETA: Missed the part where you suggested bringing your family anyways.  Please don’t do that!  It will be unpleasant for them if there is no space at the table, and insufficient food as a result.  Please resolve this beforehand.

Good luck with getting a new job.

Post # 8
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We only invited immediate family.  So for my FMIL, that would include her, her sisters and their families.  And her mother, of course.  I find it odd that she wouldn’t invite them, but it’s not my wedding. 

We didn’t give his mother the go ahead to invite anyone to begin with.  I only want family and my and FI’s close friends there, so that’s my reasoning.

Like suggested, I would talk to your son.

Post # 9
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

@ma4groom:  Your son should be involved enough with the wedding planning to know who is on the guest list from his side. If it really is 50 to 2 (yourself included) then that’s something the bride and groom should have talked about before the invitations went out.

Talk to him instead of the bride and just be open to what he says. If he says they can’t invite anyone else, just accept it and don’t blame the FDIL. It is possible the he didn’t want much of his family at the wedding or felt closer to his friends or any number of things and just hasn’t told you for the sake of not upsetting you. It is also possible the couple over-estimated how many people they could pay for when they gave you a chance to invite folks.

Don’t invite people who do not have invitations. They would be crashing the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

bridezilla? Sounds like she’s an all-around-zilla to me.

Post # 12
Member
49 posts
Newbee

Sounds like they are on a very tight budget- considering they still owe you money it’s hard to imagine they would be able to put up room and board. 50 invites only means 25 couples. So there really isn’t much room to give company besides the +1 they already gave. I imagine your son and the bride to be have joint friends they are inviting too, not just her friends. How well does your family know the couple? And have you talked to your son?

Post # 13
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My major problem with her is beyond the point that she only invited one person on your list…but the fact that she went ahead and sent the invitations without speaking to you about it first is darn right sneaky and just not right.

Post # 14
Member
1994 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Sorry that you are going through this. Your daughter in law seems like a real peach. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that she will not invite your 6 family members, whether or not you’re paying for anything. I don’t believe in the whole “pay to play” mentality when it comes to parents of the bride or groom. I believe that such request should be honored within reason, and 6 people certainly does not sound unreasonable. furthermore, I’m absolutely appalled at the fact that no one has offered to pick you up from the airport or help you with a room to stay. I know no one is typically obligated to do those things, but given your current situation and the fact that you are the mother of the groom, I think an exception should definitely be made! Where I’m from we treat family, especially parents, better than that. Yes, you should talk with your son, but he may very well agree with the way things have been handled. I would never do this to my future mother in law. Shame on her!

Post # 15
Member
46159 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think your son has to own part of this.

Post # 16
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

@sincerelyshe +1! I would NEVER not try to accommodate my parents just because they aren’t paying. I think that’s a low blow! What about the first 18 years of your life?!

OP, I think your best bet it to talk to your son but please don’t bring uninvited guests! That would be ugly for everyone. 

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