Post # 1
So my FMIL loves “tradition” when it’s in her favor. From the very beginning she said the only thing she would pay for was the rehearsal dinner because that’s tradition. Fine. As we started planning everything she made it clear that she was only paying for the meals of the bridal party. My parents offered to pay for the rest of the people so no one had to pay for their own. FMIL was offended by this because my parents “were showing how much money they have” When she asked why my guest list was so high, I explained that my grandparents will be there and once again, that’s totally unacceptable in her eyes. So she said that it’s too much stress for her and she’s stepping down. My dad, being the smart ass he is, went and looked up prices for a local dining hall. He figured out the price per person and told FMIL that if she wanted to help pay, this is how much it would be for the bridal party alone. She threw a fit and said that my parents took away the only thing in this wedding she had a say over. She said she didn’t want to do it anymore!!
I do want her planning it so I don’t have to worry about it, but then again, I fear she’ll take us to a McDonald’s drive-thru.
Should I just tell her to forget it and my parents will do the whole thing or keep trying to get her to do it? I feel like we’re coming up on the time crunch period..
Post # 3
you should sit down with your fiance and discuss the issue and then have him to talk his mother.
Post # 4
Yeah, you and your FI should talk with his mother…get everything out in the open and make sure everyone knows what the expections are.
Post # 5
I didnt have this same exact situation but something sorta similar…my fiancee was previously married (he is a widower) and for frame of reference the rehearsal dinner for his first wedding was at pizza hut.
When we got engaged i asked my fiancee if he wanted to inquire with his parents if they wanted to host a rehearsal dinner and the sort of restaurant we had in mind (something mid range…but definitely nicer than pizza hut). They said they would…but then I started to see the writing on the wall…my fiancee mentions that of course we would only be having the immediate family to the rehearsal dinner…right? I say ummmm no…I cant imagine my mom being ok with not including the out of town family that is flying in, or me not inviting a few of my friends who are traveling (some from as far as England). My fiancee says well i dont want them to have to spend like 2000 on a rehearsal dinner (which could easily be what it would cost with food and drinks depending on how many people it ended up being)…
Total example of the differences in our families. His family does well but are extremely thrifty about how they spend. My family is better off, my parents extremely generous and my mom a bit of a big entertainer with definite ideas about who should be invited to what. I saw the potential subtle clash and me in the middle trying to make everyone happy.
The solution we came up with was for my parents to host the rehearsal dinner…that way i could invite whom i wanted, have it where i wanted and not worry about the nickles and dimes of it…we asked my fiancees parents to pick something that had a fixed cost which would not fluctuate as much as they felt comfortable contributing. They really like our band so they are going to pay for that…which is 1200. A drop in the bucket of the total wedding weekend cost but something so at least they are participating but i dont need to stress out about trying to balance the desires of my mom with the wishes of my future in laws…
So while it isnt traditional maybe she can pick something else to participate in and then have some say over?
Post # 6
@lambjo: Have your FI talk to her. You keep out of it! You dont want this negativity to stay through your wedding and marriage!
Post # 7
Have your FI talk to her about it….
Its fairly standard for people who are involved with the wedding to be invited along with close family, and possibly out of towners. If she’s only going to pay for the BP thats terribly rude! Dont offer to pay for it if you cant afford it for all attending. The fact that your parents have offered to cover the remaining cost is not something SHE should snipe about! If she simply cant afford it for everyone then she needs to accept that she will get help. She’s being ridiculous.
My FIL’s arn’t helping with wedding costs outside of FI’s suit… and I brought up the rehearsal dinner recently and they looked at me like I had 10 heads as in “they didnt know what a rehearsal dinner was or that they even happened”…im like are you kidding me? thats B*%SH*T, all their friends and family members, and friends children who have got married in the last few years and you didnt know about them?? what happened when YOU got married??? (eyeroll)
Anyways… they agreed to host a pizza and beer’s at their house (I said we didn’t mind help paying/or paying it all, I just need someone to plan it because I dont have time).