(Closed) Groom's parents and rehearsal dinner..

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7886 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you should sit down with your fiance and discuss the issue and then have him to talk his mother.

Post # 4
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah, you and your FI should talk with his mother…get everything out in the open and make sure everyone knows what the expections are.

Post # 5
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I didnt have this same exact situation but something sorta similar…my fiancee was previously married (he is a widower) and for frame of reference the rehearsal dinner for his first wedding was at pizza hut.  

When we got engaged i asked my fiancee if he wanted to inquire with his parents if they wanted to host a rehearsal dinner and the sort of restaurant we had in mind (something mid range…but definitely nicer than pizza hut).  They said they would…but then I started to see the writing on the wall…my fiancee mentions that of course we would only be having the immediate family to the rehearsal dinner…right?  I say ummmm no…I cant imagine my mom being ok with not including the out of town family that is flying in, or me not inviting a few of my friends who are traveling (some from as far as England).  My fiancee says well i dont want them to have to spend like 2000 on a rehearsal dinner (which could easily be what it would cost with food and drinks depending on how many people it ended up being)…

Total example of the differences in our families.  His family does well but are extremely thrifty about how they spend.  My family is better off, my parents extremely generous and my mom a bit of a big entertainer with definite ideas about who should be invited to what.  I saw the potential subtle clash and me in the middle trying to make everyone happy.  

The solution we came up with was for my parents to host the rehearsal dinner…that way i could invite whom i wanted, have it where i wanted and not worry about the nickles and dimes of it…we asked my fiancees parents to pick something that had a fixed cost which would not fluctuate as much as they felt comfortable contributing.  They really like our band so they are going to pay for that…which is 1200.  A drop in the bucket of the total wedding weekend cost but something so at least they are participating but i dont need to stress out about trying to balance the desires of my mom with the wishes of my future in laws…

So while it isnt traditional maybe she can pick something else to participate in and then have some say over?

Post # 6
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@lambjo:  Have your FI talk to her.  You keep out of it! You dont want this negativity to stay through your wedding and marriage!

Post # 7
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Have your FI talk to her about it…. 

Its fairly standard for people who are involved with the wedding to be invited along with close family, and possibly out of towners. If she’s only going to pay for the BP thats terribly rude! Dont offer to pay for it if you cant afford it for all attending. The fact that your parents have offered to cover the remaining cost is not something SHE should snipe about! If she simply cant afford it for everyone then she needs to accept that she will get help. She’s being ridiculous.

My FIL’s arn’t helping with wedding costs outside of FI’s suit… and I brought up the rehearsal dinner recently and they looked at me like I had 10 heads as in “they didnt know what a rehearsal dinner was or that they even happened”…im like are you kidding me? thats B*%SH*T, all their friends and family members, and friends children who have got married in the last few years and you didnt know about them?? what happened when YOU got married??? (eyeroll)

Anyways… they agreed to host a pizza and beer’s at their house (I said we didn’t mind help paying/or paying it all, I just need someone to plan it because I dont have time).

 

 

 

 

 

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