Groom's Parents inviting 40 random ppl w/o contributing $

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Are these 40 people your friends or just the fmils?  Not that it makes a diff to my opinion…if they’re 40 extra that weren’t on your guest list then I agree with the pp!!!

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@memleyxx:  grrrrrr my ex mil did that :(((( 

Post # 7
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would just say “We want it to be an intimate day, so we’re having close friends and family only at the wedding. We don’t know these people/they’re distant relatives, so I’m sorry, it really won’t work.” Repeat as necessary.

Post # 8
Member
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would have FH say, “I’m sorry– we’re not going to be able to afford to invite that many people. We will let you know whom we decide to invite when we finalize our guest list.” Bottom line.

Post # 9
Member
3633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No, you’re not wrong and it’s completely okay to put the smackdown on your ILs. It’s one thing if it was one couple that is their BFF that they really wanted to invite, but 40 is way too many especially since it is going to 1) blow your budget and 2) nearly double your guest list.

Since they’re FI’s parents, I would make him be the voice of reason and tell them no and why (intimate occasion, no budget, etc.). Either way, you need to stand your ground because there simply is no budget. Even if it wasn’t an intimate affair, there’s no money to feed these extra guests!

 

Post # 10
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@memleyxx:   “How do we address this with the FMIL?

“We” don’t do anything. Your fiance must do all the talking. This is important because he’s their son and there’s nothing to be gained from the future daughter in law trying to argue.

What he needs to say, over and over, is that your parents are paying. If his parents want to invite 40 guests, they need to contribute an equal amount, since they’d be doubling the guest list. If they don’t contribute, they get no say.

Post # 12
Member
3633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@memleyxx:  That’s fine too if you want them to cover that. That being said, the amount they end up contributing should at least cover the majority of the guests that they are inviting. Otherwise, you are back at square one where you have more guests than you, FI and your parents can afford. So if they have to cover the photographer, the DJ and the florist to equate out the guests’ costs, then that’s fine too. However, if they are that pushy, then you may have to consider the fact that if you tell them they are contributing towards these other costs, then they may think they get some say in the matter.

Post # 13
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@JenniMichele:  This.

@memleyxx:  It wouldn’t hurt to calculate how much each additional guest or table of guests would cost IF they are willing to help pay for the wedding. But if you don’t even know them, I wouldn’t bother. Say no, we cannot afford to invite additional guests (let alone strangers) and WANT an intimate wedding with only our 50 closest friends and family in attendance. If the FILs are not paying, they do not have a say. Make sure FI is the one to deliver this message to your FILs.

My FMIL is helping financially and it has been a complete disaster allowing her to invite EVERY relative that neither of us have ever met and we have discovered that some of them don’t even live at their address anymore (which further convinces us that we don’t know these people because they don’t notify my FILs that they have moved!) so we are spending more money re-sending invites. So far, this has been the cause of all of my wedding stress. Spare yourself!

 

Post # 14
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If they want to add to the guest list then they can contribute. The days of the bride’s family paying for everything are over And your inlaws need to join the 21st century!

Post # 15
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If you’re having a small wedding then yes this is inappropriate. My FMIL is inviting 50 people who I do not know and is not contributing anything. But our venue/caterering isn’t terribly expensive and we want everyone to be welcome. Just tell her you can’t afford those people and you want a small, intimate wedding unless she helps out paying for each of those people.

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would ask FI to let her know that its X$/pp for her extra invites to attend, and that you can’t afford them without her contributing!

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