Post # 1
Hey everyone, I am tearing my hair out over this! My fiance is having 3 best men for our wedding. When discussing the top table, he says he only wants them on it, and doesnt want his parents on it at all (who are separated). I am having my mum, dad and sister (chief bridesmaid) from my side. I think our top table will look really bizarre with my parents and not his, not to mention a bit unfair on his parents. Thing is, he has a reasonably good relationship with both of his parents, they get on absolutely fine, but he is insistent that he only wants his best men, not even his mum. I think his mum at least will be very hurt that he doesnt want either of his parents on the top table, especially as they get on well and she is contributing some money towards the wedding. I could understand it if he had a bad relationship with them. He is being super stubborn and feels like I am forcing him to have people he doesnt want on the top table. Am I being unreasonable?! I have no idea how to get around it unless we have a sweetheart table (which neither of us want) xxx
Post # 2
I have never heard of the parents sitting at the top table, I was under the assumption it was just for the couple, the bridesmaids and groomsmen and maybe their partners if the couple want partners there too. So I don’t think you should force your FI to have his parents there if he doesn’t want them at the head table, but have them at the closest table to the head table. Of course if it is the norm in your circle for parents to be at the top table, his parents may be hurt and I would suggest approaching it from that angle. But it should be ultimately about what the two of you want.
Post # 3
In the UK tradition is to have both sets of parents, the maid of honour and best man at top table. everyone else is at another table normally!
I know that any parents I know would be hugely put out not to be on top table, so I would definitely speak to him about it. Why does he feel so strongly about it? There must be more of a reason.
Post # 4
Kellym84: I think its because he lived with his grandparents when he was growing up, but that was something that was completely his decision and he still had a relationship with both his mum and dad. I think that may be part of it. I just hate to think that his mum will be really upset when shes done a lot for us 🙁
Post # 5
Wow, that is a difficult one!! You really seem to be worried which tells me that his parents will be hurt sitting at another table. I too think it would look strange with your parents at the top table but not his. Does your FI state why exactely he doesn’t want them there? I don’t really have any alternative idea except the sweetheart table or some other table setting… I guess if it was me I would tell him to just suck it up and place the parents at the table. I think it’s rather disrespectful to shove them off to another table especially if mum has contributed money to the wedding! I really don’t want to be in your shoes, I would hate starting a fight because of the seating plan 🙁 Good luck!!
Post # 6
I think you should let him do it his way. I understand that his parents may be upset but they are his parents so he can deal with that. You got to choose who you want next to you on the table. Let him choose who he wants next to him.
Also, if you’re having your parents and sister will you want him to have three people as well to balance it? If you insist on him having his parents will he have to choose between his bestmen as to which one gets to go one the table.
Post # 7
ka0510: This isn’t tradition here, but it is where my FI is from… only the bride’s mother sits on one side with the groom’s father and then groom’s mother sits on the other side with the bride’s father. That tradition could solve your problem if its that he doesn’t want them sitting together.
We aren’t doing this. Our parents will sit with their own spouses somewhere other than the head table. The head table is the bridal party only.
Post # 8
Maybe he just wants friends so he can relax a bit and joke around, etc? Obviously I can’t know how he feels, but personally I find it hard to relax and be myself around my family. I’m much more comfortable with my friends!