Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married in March of next year and my mom and I have everything planned and on schedule so that the last few months are easy. However, my fiances parents haven’t offered to help with anything (which is fine), except normally the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, alcohol, officiant fee and whatever else. My fiance says he doesn’t want to ask them for help with those things because his family doesn’t have a lot of money. I’m slightly pissed because my parents don’t have a lot of money either and I am helping pay for half of the wedding. I think he needs to talk to his parents about what they will be contributing, and if nothing at all, that’s fine too. But he won’t. How can I casually bring this up without appearing rude to his parents?
Post # 3
I don’t think you should bring it up to them if your FI says he thinks it’s a bad idea. You say it’s fine that they didn’t offer money, so try to be ok with that.
Post # 4
If they want to contribute, they will offer. Other than that, don’t ask them for money.
Post # 5
Um you don’t. It would be very rude to bing it up. They aren’t under any obligation to help pay for your wedding. If they want to help, they will offer. If your FI thinks it’s a bad idea, then it probably is. I would just let it go and plan the wedding you and your FI can afford.
Post # 6
Do not bring it up yourself! It will not turn out ok. Just let it go or talk to your FI again about him bringing it up. Honestly, if they don’t have the money for it, then you should really leave it at that. If they DO have the money and are just acting like they don’t because they don’t want to contribute, well.. nothings going to change that.
Post # 7
Sorry don’t think there’s a non rude way to mention it.
Once they start trying to invite people, that’s when you bring it up. “Oh if you’d like to invite all your neighbors and everyone you’ve met for the past 50 years, we really can’t afford it. If you wanted to chip in to cover their food bills, you can.”
Post # 8
If they can’t afford it they can’t afford it. If they want to contribute, they will offer. My parents are paying for the wedding and do not expect a dime from anyone else. FI’s parents have offered to pay for the rehersal dinner as well as the flowers. I would never be comfortable asking anyone, even my own parents for money.
Post # 9
How can I casually bring this up without appearing rude to his parents?
You can’t. If they want to contribute, they’ll tell you. It’s great that your parents are helping cover the costs but a wedding is the sole responsibility of the couple, not their families.
Post # 10
except normally the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, alcohol, officiant fee and whatever else
@Janaic88: I don’t think that is true anymore. Times have changed and a lot of brides and grooms pay for everything themselves. My husband and I paid for almost our entire wedding. His family did not contribute, we did not ask, and we were fine with that. I don’t think you can be upset because you aren’t entitled to any money from anyone except yourself.
Post # 11
In this day and time you can’t expect parents to contribute. You wanted a wedding and unless they offer you have to expect to pay for it. I wouldn’t ask, if they offer money or to pay for this or that then great.
Post # 12
I know for sure that the groom’s parents pay for the rehearsal dinner. But if their financial situtation is not good, I think you need to have class and be understanding.
Post # 13
Since it’s his parents and he should have the right to make the choice if he wants to ask for their help or not. If they can’t afford it then they can’t. Clearly your Fi doesn’t want his parents to go into debt or contribute when they simply don’t have the funds to do so. Once you become an adult it’s your job to provide for yourself, it wonderful to have parents help out and give cash, but when they have no desire too you should accept their choice as gracefully as possible. You aren’t entitled to funds from his parents simply because yours are paying.
At the end of the day your Fi isn’t comfortable with doing that and as it’s his parents you should accept his choice. Work together on creating a budget with the money you guys do have. I suggest you let it go.
Post # 14
Grooms parents pay for whatever they want. The rehearsal dinner and alcohol and all that is not how things are done anymore. If they dont want to contribute, they wont.
Post # 15
I agree with some of the replies saying that it is not true anymore. My FI and I are paying for most of the wedding and my parents are contributing a little towards the reception. His parents are not contributing anything and we will not ask. If they could or wanted to contribute they would have said so themselves.
Post # 16
Back in the day traditional both sides paid for certain aspects. These days that is not the case, nor is either side obligated to contribute anything. If you can’t afford to pay for a big wedding, then have a smaller wedding, or have a longer engagement. I hate people that expect hand-outs from their parents or future in-laws for their wedding.