Post # 1
So… I just got a facebook post today that I actually find pretty insulting. The Groom’s SIL posted on my wall asking for travel information for her husband, who is the Best Man as well as being my fiance’s only brother. I told her the dates and the closest airport, and then told her that we would be happy to figure out pickup/dropoff from the airport depending on when they were flying in.
Her reply? “Oh, I’m not going to be coming. It will be too expensive to fly me up there as well, plus I’m picky about hotels and food.”
Excuse me? First of all, you’ve known about the wedding for over a year (and the save the dates went out months ago) and there are still 3 1/2 months left until the actual wedding… and you can’t save up for a plane ticket? They don’t have kids, they both work, they don’t have money issues, and last I heard from the BM they were both planning on attending.
Ignoring the plane ticket excuse, since I don’t buy that one… she’s basically saying that she’s not coming to our wedding… her HUSBAND’S BROTHER’S WEDDING… because she’s picky. That is the worst “excuse” for missing a wedding, especially a wedding for someone in your family, that I’ve ever heard.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
Eh, yeah, she could have been more gracious in her letting you know wasn’t going to attend, but for me, it’s one less mouth to feed, lol. I wouldn’t stress over it much. Are the RSVPs in already?
Post # 4
Could be worse my own brother didn’t show up to my wedding he texted me the day of my wedding and said he was sick, yeah no. I saw the day before and he was fine . I would just let it go and keep in mind your wedding is about your and your soon to be husband not who will or wont be there
Post # 5
Just have a fabolous time without her. Don’t let it ruin your wedding day.
Post # 6
Picky about hotels and food generally means she doesn’t travel cheap. In other words, they can’t afford for the two of them to go to your wedding, so she’s staying behind. While I find her wording clumsy, I dont’ find it offensive.
Post # 7
meh I wouldn’t get so fired up about it. it’s not that big a deal, and she’s saying in very clumsy terms that they can’t afford it.
Post # 8
I find it odd that she doesnt want to attend.. not very family oriented. But whatever, it’s her husbands brother, not her own sibling. If she’s not physically close or close to the family, I can understand not wanting to spend money on it, though I do think it’d be pretty shitty of her. Is she close to the groom or you?
Post # 9
At least she let you know in advance! We had a family of no-shows at our wedding.
Post # 10
@shaykitteh: what your relationship like with her normally?
in all honesty, you never know what other people’s finances are like. even if it’s only a $200 plane ticket. don’t let it bother you. just be thankful that the brother is coming. maybe she’s using the “picky” excuse to make her feel better about not being able to afford to come. that is embarrassing.
my sister’s husband or family didn’t fly in for my wedding. only my sister did. she flew with her points. i couldn’t expect them to pay out “their” hard earned money on something for “me”. that’s unfair and unrealistic.
Post # 11
@shaykitteh: I think she kind of didn’t tell you in a nice way but other than that I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to judge why she is or isn’t coming, and as for her not going with her husband to his brothers wedding? that’s between them. If he’s ok with her not coming that’s their business. Plus it’s not anyone else’s business how they spend their money or how they handle saving for something (or not saving for something). I could see being a bit upset if his brother wasn’t coming, but he is and that is the most important thing in this situation IMO. Let this one go 🙂
Post # 12
Look at this way, if she came she would be judgemental and criticize the food, the decorations, or give comparisons to her wedding. It is best that she doesnt come you will have a better day.
THANK GOD FOR SMALL FAVORS!!!
Post # 13
RSVPs aren’t in because the invites haven’t even gone out. And her husband is in the wedding and he’s the groom’s only sibling. And I’ve had a good relationship with the sister-in-law and we were just talking about dresses a couple of weeks ago.
As for costs… I mean, the wedding is in a boutique hotel and we have a room rate of $89/night… and she’s going to be paying the same price for her husband regardless of if he’s there. And since they were planning on flying in the day before the wedding and leaving the day after, the most they would have to buy for food is breakfast/lunch the day of the wedding and maybe breakfast the day after, since we’d be covering the dinner the night before the wedding. So honestly the only additional cost would be her plane ticket… and they’ve had a year to save up. It’s not like it’s a surprise!
As for not knowing their money situation… I wouldn’t say anything about that except she had been bragging on FB about other trips she and her husband are taking (or have already taken) for fun. So yeah, I’m insulted that she has no problem taking a luxury trip but she’s skipping the wedding of her husband’s only sibling.
The only positive thing is that she let me know in advance, but I still think is was a crap decision to make.
Post # 14
You never really know someone else’s financial situation. Let it go, enjoy your day, and don’t hold it against her.
No one is obligated to attend your(our) wedding(s).
Post # 15
My sister in law didn’t attend my sister’s wedding because she was pregnant and didn’t want to travel the 4 hours by car (I really think she just wanted my brother and her son out of her hair for the weekend). We didn’t take offense, the weekend was a lot nicer without her there.
Post # 16
@shaykitteh: Eh. It’s not a huge deal. You won’t be paying an extra per person cost for someone who doesn’t want to be there. One of her inlaws is getting married and if she isn’t really close to you or your fi, there’s nothing really wrong with her not going. Especially since she isn’t making an effort to keep her husband from going.
PS- She shouldn’t have to give up a luxery/romantic/Stress Free vacation with her husband jsut to go to your wedding. That’s your special day (and your fi’s). Her vacations are special and important to her. You can’t assume too much about other people, even if they are close to you.