Grooms Sister in Law wears white to wedding

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Steph77:  Personally i’m with you. I know some people don’t think it’s a big deal but seriously, there’s a million colours you can wear to a wedding, is it really that hard not to wear white?? The issue has certainly been blown WAY out of proportion.

You and your FI need to have a chat once the heat has died down, and you need to explain how you feel about him siding with his family. More than anything else you want to be on the same page as him.

I think it’s quite unfair that they’ve all made you out to be the bad person, seriously, someone needs to tell your almost-sister-in-law to just wear another colour and get over it. Why would she want to upset the bride that way? It’s so unnecessary. 

You may get people on here telling you that you need to get over it, but particularly if you’re dress isn’t overly bridey or is a little different, I totally get where you’re coming from!

Post # 3
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Steph77:  The most disturbing part here is how your fiance has sided against you. He needs to make it clear (to his family) that he supports you. Right or wrong, this is important to you and he should back you up; and tell them that this is how you feel and it is a long standing tradition.

That said… take a breath. There won’t be that many photos with her in. She’ll only be in a few family photos. In fact you can also even request extra family photos without her (blood relatives only) if you want – it’s yours and your fiance’s wedding, so you guys get to decide what photos to do.

Post # 6
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with PP. If your dress is not a traditional bridal gown and will look similar to the ones you’ve seen her wear at weddings, I would be worried that she’ll do the same at yours too. And right or wrong your FI should side with you. I would try to keep her out of the photos as well if she wears her cream color dress again. I agree with family only photos and take individual ones with her. 

Did you mention to FSIL how your dress is? Maybe if you show her or describe your dress, she will get the hint and wear a different color. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  newbeelove.
Post # 7
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

I would just talk to her myself. “I was just looking through photos and noticed you were wearing a cream dress to the last few weddings we’ve attended that looks very similar to my wedding dress. Were you planning to wear that dress again?” and if she says yes, ask her if she minds picking a different color.

Worst case scenario, have your photographer photoshop her dress a different color if she comes in wearing white. When you send them copies, perhaps she’ll get the hint.

Post # 8
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

In the bigger picture it is not that uncommon for guests to wear white cream or ivory to a wedding. It seems to be a far bigger issue in the US or more specifically on the Bee than in real life so try not to stress.  No one will mistake them for the bride even if they were to turn up in a full on wedding dress so you have nothing to worry about.

However if you really really feel this is a big deal to you then I think you should have just spoken directly to Ali and say that it bothered you.  Clearly she isn’t wearing this dress deliberately to annoy brides and I am sure if she knew you had such a problem with it then she would wear something else to please you.

I do think you and your FI were out of order by going all around the houses discussing it with everyone else and perhaps you should be apologising for igniting the drama.

This should have been a tiny issue which could have been very easily resolved and not worth a big family fall out.

 

Post # 9
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

newbeelove:  I’m guessing that someone who wears white and cream to three weddings in a row is not the sort of person who is going to be very receptive to hints. I also think it would be best if someone else speaks to the SIL on the OP’s behalf, however, to minimise the drama and “OMG BRIDEZILLA!1” accusations.

OP, is there any female relative or friend who can sit her down and gently say that it might be best if she stopped wearing white to people’s weddings? Some people legitimately don’t know this is a thing and might think “Hey, white is like a wedding theme – I should wear it too!”.

Post # 10
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

That’s disrespectful of her in my opinion… And no it’s not only in Bee or the US… It’s practically a tradition all over the world! I’ve been and seen different types of weddings both asian and western.Only the bride wears white (maybe bridesmaid as well), other than that guests wear other colors. It feels like Ali is doing it on purpose… I mean 3 weddings and she wore a cream/white dress? either that’s her favorite color, or she’s trying to get attention or hint that she wants to be the bride… if I were you I’d tell her straight up or send a card with the invitation about your color theme that also says no white/cream dresses. I’m actually thinking of doing this for my wedding ceremony, or maybe post a hint through Facebook… But then, half of my guests are asian, so they already know that rule.

Post # 11
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

Steph77:  In some arguments there are hills worth dying on…the color of a dress a guest is wearing is not one of them. I would let it go.

Post # 12
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

Steph77:  Are her and her family from a different country/culture? That may be whyb tyhe request sems so odd?

I don’t see why she can’t wear a different colored dress if you ask. It isn’t an unreasonable request. I agree with pp. If she chooses to go against your wishes, limit the number of photos she’s in.

Post # 14
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

Steph77: I would be upset too if this were me, and I don’t think it’s just a US thing, I am in the UK and it’s not the thing to do here either. I can see your concern especially as you are wearing a cream, tea lenght dress.

She may really just not realise and it’s her ‘nicest’ ‘formal/wedding’ dress that she owns and pehaps isn’t able to buy another one she feels is suitable for the occasion? I wouldn’t wear the same dress to multiple weddings with simular guests in the same few months/year anyway, cream or not! 

I have been in several situations within my soon to be family in law and one thing I have learnt is always just speak to the person that is concerned, once it is being spoken about by everyone else and inevitably will get back to the person, it will upset them even more.

I really would just speak directly to Ali and explain your concern, that it is the most important day of your life, and a lot of thought went into your not so traditional wedding dress, and you would feel much more comfortable about your choice if others weren’t wearing a simular dress. I personally would never wear a white/cream/ivory dress to a wedding… 

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