Post # 1
I’ve read some posts on this topic- but figured I’d add to the notes and write one myself, since I desperately need some help. Here we go. We’re engaged- super exciting. Together we wrote lists of BM’s and GM’s that we were thinking of- yada yada. We got to equal numbers and all was good- so I went ahead and asked my girls to be my BM’s (8 of them). My fiance mentioned his sister- if she was going to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I said no I wasn’t planning on it. Basically, we’re (fiance’s sister) not close what so ever. Yeha we get along but neither her (or lets be real myself for that matter) have reached out to one another to get to know eachother better. I mentioned at a recent family get together that I had picked out my BM’s dresses- the room went kinda quiet.
So my fiance’s mother puts this all together and realized that I have not asked his sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Realize, all along I have been planning/assuming she would do a reading, so she would be apart of it.My fiance’s mother is very old school. She has been writing emails to him now saying that her (fiances sister) AND his sister inlaw (wtf?) HAVE to be in the wedding. Isn’t a reading special? I’m not even considering the sister in law, that’s just redick. I want to say, hey, times have changed, you don’t have to do everything by some fake imaginary book- but obviously that’s extremely rude. How can I go about this???
Post # 3
She/they could stand on his side if he wants them involved. Also, for what it’s worth, you absolutely do NOT have to have even sides. You ask who you want, he asks who he wants 🙂
Post # 4
Personally, I asked Fiance sister to be in the bridal party. She has almost always lived across the country/across the world during our relationship and I don’t know her that well but we get along well. I thought it was the right thing to do. In turn, Fiance also asked my brother to be one of his groomsman and they aren’t close.
I just have the opinion that it’s the right thing to do and our parents agreed as well and were happy we chose to do it.
Post # 5
i don’t think you have to have them if you don’t want to, i think the reading is a great idea 🙂
Post # 6
@DaneLady: I agree!
My Mother-In-Law wanted FI’s sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. As a compromise, I insisted that she stand on his side. I got to ask another gf of mine to equal out the numbers. SIL is still being included in all the Bridesmaid or Best Man stuff, but my decision boils down to our relationship. She has burned me/thrown me under the bus multiple times before. I have learned my lesson. So, if she wants to participate… I’m all for it! It just won’t be on my side lol
Post # 7
@skullybride: Is there a reason you’re so against having her in the wedding and/or building a relationship with her? She will be your sister in five months. You obviously don’t have to have her in the wedding if you really don’t want her to, its totally up to you and no one should pressure you into it. I am not super close to my fiance’s sisters but I asked them to be bridesmaids because I know they would really appreciate the thought and he and his family would like it. It has ended up being great and we have become closer.
Good luck with your decision!
Post # 8
Are fiance and his sister close?
I viewed our bridal party as “OUR” bridal parties…no his side and her side. We discussed who to involve and I asked his sister who he’s really close to to be a bridesmaid.
His brother is also a groomsman, and my brother will walk me down the aisle.
We both also have one other sister (for him, she’s a half) but we aren’t as close to them and don’t expect they’re even interested in being in the wedding. But my sister is making our invitations and her daughter is a flower girl, and we’re considering asking his half sister to do a reading.
To me, it doesn’t matter what side they stand on. They’re all there for both of us.
I didn’t ask my sister because it could be more drama than it’s worth (she has extreme anxiety) but I also discussed the choice with my mother (who agreed with me).
I think it’s best to talk to your Fiance and then all of you to talk to the families about what you (both) really want.
Post # 9
Since your Fiance is okay with your decision, I’m not sure why this is an issue. Has his sister even said that she wants to be in the wedding? It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is trying to cause trouble and I think Fiance should thank her for her opinion but let her know that your decision is final.
Post # 10
I asked FI’s sister to be a bridesmaid because she is close to Fiance, not because she is close to me. But if it’s not a possibility for you guys, maybe she could stand up on his side? You shouldn’t feel forced to include someone in the wedding party, but if your Fiance and his sister are close, a reading isn’t really enough in my opinion.
Post # 11
I asked my FI’s sister to be my bridesmaid before i even met her. He asked me too i said ok. i met her the next month it seemed like everytime we went home to his family she was coming in the day we were leaving.
Post # 12
I asked my FI’s younger sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but not his older half sister. And now I regret asking at all lol … she has been nothing but a pain the butt during this entire thing. She’s too wrapped up in her own melodramatic life to do a single thing wedding related, even if I have Fiance ask her to. I don’t regret asking one over the other, Fiance and I are both closer to his younger sister. If you don’t want his sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, that’s up to you. His mom shouldn’t bully you into anything. My Future Mother-In-Law is currently trying to pressure me into letting said sister walk down the aisle with their cousin who is a groomsman, and I have her paired with my brother. They both are livid, and I don’t care. Not their day 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 13
I think she should be included only if your Fi wants to have her as part of the bridal party. She can also get a black dress and stand on his side. My brother is my bestman but he being a big baby about it, so in order for him to not feel weird he going to stand on the same side as the other guys.