Groom's sister not in Bridal party, Groom's family angry.

posted 5 days ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

This was written funny. Is this “bride” or “groom” you? 

Personally, I think they should include her. I know people think the bride gets to have their day however they want and it should be perfect for her etc, but I just think if it’s important to the grooms family, she should do it. A wedding is about two families coming together not fighting and causing hurt feelings. 

I think it would be more immature to recognize how not having the sister in the wedding party caused hurt feelings in the grooms family, and then still not include her. For me, it would be more important to have a good relationship with the family I am marrying into or at least try to make amends. 

I do think the whole… them threatening not to come to the wedding is crazy. If they’re crazy in general then do what you want, but if they’re just hurt and it’s something they randomly said,  I would be mindful of their feelings. 

Post # 3
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t know why people think it’s cool to use blackmail to get their own way.

 Not coming to their sons wedding because his sister (that he doesn’t get along with) isn’t a bridesmaid? Tell them to take their tantrum and jam it.

Not much of a loss really if that’s how childish they are. Stick to your guns and if they don’t come well that’s their problem not yours.

Post # 4
Member
4679 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

joeythomas177 :  I think the couple must know where sister gets it from.  You (or whoever) are under no obligation to include the sister – the bride’s side of the party is supposed to be those nearest and dearest to her, not just someone who bullies and whines their way in.  Stand firm because this is the start of the rest of your life – next she’ll need to be godmother or your children named for his side of the family or who knows what.  The face you show them now is the face you can show them forever – cave now, cave forever.

Post # 5
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Is this typical in the bride and grooms culture?

My fiance’s sister will not be one of my bridesmaids. I actually can’t recall attending a single wedding where the groom’s sister was a bridesmaid. It’s just not an expectation I’ve ever encountered.

Post # 6
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

I agree with pp that the way this is written sounds really weird. Anyway I think that if for the groom’s family having the sister as an honor guest means so much to them she should be included as an “honor attendant” wich is the term used to described a female included in the groomsmen party, I don’t think everyone should expect the bride to include someone she doesn’t trust or even like in her party just because “Is important for the family”, it’s not like she’s not invited to the wedding or something. 

Other option would be to include her as a bridesmaid but leave pretty clear that she’s not going to be accepted in the bridal suite or anywhere near the bride and her bridesmaids when getting ready and stuff 

 

Post # 7
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

joeythomas177 :  While the threats from the groom’s family are silly, I think the bride is being short sighted. Your bridal party is not just the girls you get along the best with or have been most important in your past, they are also the ones who will be in your life forever. Like it or  not, Groom’s sister isn’t going anywhere. I can almost guarantee one of those friends will move to Colorado Springs and in 20 years you’ll never see her, but the one who will be there every Thanksgiving and will have blood relation to your offspring is Future **Sister** in law. There’s also another way of looking at Groom’s Sis being in bridal party– I was in both my brothers bridal party and will have FSIL in mine despite issues I had with her while dating FH, so same situation as this bride– the way I look at it is the groom’s sis is there for him, not for bride. She has been in his life since childhood and will always be there, she *should* stand up with him as he marries. If she was a man, she’d be a groomsman but her gender dictates she be a bridesmaid. She’s not there for the bride, so the bride’s relationship with her is insignificant at the moment. She’s there for her brother. 

Post # 8
Member
2012 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

calliekalico2 :  disagree – she can easily stand up on her brother’s side.  Gender doesn’t dictate that she “has” to be a bridesmaid, she can easily be a grooms maid.  I wasn’t in my brother’s wedding, and my SIL wasn’t in ours (we each did readings, as it happened).  There’s nothing that says she has to be included.  My sis didn’t have her two SILs in her wedding either.

Post # 9
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Do not have people standing up with you who are not your treasured people. You’ll regret it in the long run as I’ve heard from many long married couples.

Also, no reason at all why it even has to be the bride’s problem… Groom’s family, groom’s decision whether she stands with him as his groom’s person.

Post # 10
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Don’t include her…the wedding NOR the marriage is about the groom’s sister or remaining family for that matter. 

Post # 11
Member
7405 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

the groom should ask her to be on his side if he wants. 

my brother was in the bridal party and stood on my side.

Post # 12
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

There are no obligations when it comes to the bridal party.  It’s meant to be filled with people who are supportive and whose relationships are valued. Neither the bride our the groom value the relationship that exists with the sister, so why should she be involved? 

His family needs to back off. If they would skip their sons wedding over something like that, then it’s clear they don’t value their relationship with him or their soon to be daughter in law either.

Post # 13
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee

speaking as “the sister” in a similar scenario, my mom basically bullied my poor brother’s fiance into having me and my other sister in her bridal party (she’s now got 7 bridesmaids)

I love this girl, but i had no desire to be in her bridal party. I was perfectly fine NOT doing it and actually had it out with my mom for being terrible to her (she was badmouthing her to the whole family without checking with me or my sister about how we felt about it… which was indifferent!)

Anyway, now we’re in the wedding and it’s fine, but I have a great relationship with this girl and would have loved her and welcomed her into my family regardless.

 

sounds like in your scenario “the bride” and “the sister” don’t have a great relationship. Does anyone know if the sister actually wants to BE in this wedding? sometimes path of least resistence is the best way to go (ok fine, she’s in. Buy this dress and show up on the day to smile) but if she doesn’t even want to do it then this is a moot point…

Post # 14
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

KiwiDerbyBride :  it’s pretty progressive and nontraditional to have mixed genders in the bridal party, but if it fits the overall vision of the day, I agree with you that it’s a viable option. The bride must keep in mind that not every one she encounters in real life will be be as open minded as the bee and some will view her refusal to include groom’s sister as childish and exclusionary, she will be viewed by her in laws as unyielding and difficult. If she doesn’t care about appearances, then these things won’t become an issue until it impacts how she is treated by those to whom she’s given this impression. People like to say it’s all about the bride, but those decisions can have far-reaching, long lasting impacts (this is coming from an imminent bride btw). I agree the groom’s family seems overbearing and controlling, this bride must make a statement to assert she won’t be strong armed, but I don’t think something as easily verifiable, visible and irreversible as excluding groom’s sister from being in the wedding is the most shrewd way to do it. As an objective onlooker, it doesn’t make bride look good at all at a time when she has the opportunity to say “I TRIED my best to get our family started off on the right foot.” 

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