Grooms who took their bride's last name…

posted 3 weeks ago in Names
Post # 2
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee

Following this thread. We might do this. We’re already married and no one has changed a name yet. 

Post # 4
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I haven’t done this personally (FI loves his unique last name), but just wanted to say I think it’s awesome. Anyone narrow-minded enough to have a problem with it probably isn’t someone whose opinion you’d value anyway. F the haters. 🙂

ETA: I’m the main breadwinner, so FI and I decided he’ll be a stay at home dad whenever we have kids. We’ve gotten our fair share of questions and criticism surrounding that. People are always going to have an opinion, unfortunately. 

Post # 6
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m in Minnesota, so of course, it is probably different but here it would be the same to legally change the groom’s name than the bride’s.  On the form, it asked for each of our names, and then asked for each of our names after marriage.  Then, the marriage certificate is the legal name change document you use to update your name at all the various places.

I would imagine at the reception, you just get announced as Mr. and Mrs. X.  The same way you would if you were taking his name.

It really sucks you are getting any negative comments.  I could understand if people are surprised, but no need to be negative… sorry some people are so stuck in their ways.

Post # 7
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

MrsSapphire :  Thanks! Of all people, my dad seemed the most perplexed about me being the breadwinner. He kept checking if that was “what I really wanted” until I asked him if he’d be wondering the same thing if FI worked in software and I was a waitress. He hasn’t mentioned it since! 

Post # 8
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee

MrsSapphire :  That’s what I’m worried about! I was super excited about it at first then all the thoughts in my Vegas about norms and wondering what questions am I going to get? Do I need to deal with people’s crap all the time?

But at the end of the day, we should both do what we want m plus my last name is pretty cool and if I was comfortable sharing I would. But it’s short and neat!

Post # 9
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My FI and I are both hyphenating, so we’ll be Mr. and Mrs. Smith-Jones.  I told him it was his decision, but he actually told his parents the night we announced our engagement! I do wonder what people will say to him, since men changing their last name isn’t too common. But I think the main thing is that *he’s* happy with the decision. (And I know I am!)

Post # 10
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

MrsSapphire :  I have a friend who took his wife’s name. It made sense for them as she is very close to her family and he didn’t share his last name with anyone so it held no great meaning to him. He had a few negative comments, which I find ridiculous, but I think it was more that it’s not common to take the wife’s name. After, the initial reaction it quickly became normal. 

They were just introduced as Mr & Mrs Lastname. I hate being introduced as Mr & Mrs Hisfirstname Lastname anyway. 

Post # 11
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

We’re not married, yet, but from what I’ve researched: being introduced with the name you’re both taking seems to be common, but you need to talk to the announcer first to avoid mixups. The legal process is a bit of a mess. Only nine or ten states have procedures for a man to change his name after marriage, so for the other forty, there’s a ton of workaround. Paperwork, letters of intent, appearing in front of a judge. And yes, filing fees. Totally doable, though. And yes, there will definitely be odd looks! You would not believe the number of “whipped” comments we’ve received. But frankly, anyone who’s an asshole about it isn’t worth your time. 

Post # 13
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

MrsSapphire :  Fellow NJ bee here! My husband and I both took both last names, no hyphen. He encountered no problems or backlash at the SSN or DMV offices. He brought the same documents I did (marriage certificate, DL, passport, birth certificate, etc.) and was treated the same way. I probably read the same resources you did, which caused stress that they might deny him and he might have to go to court for a name change! But it was an easy experience for us. I hope he doesn’t run into more problems since he has already changed his name once.

Post # 14
Hostess
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

bretagne422 :  We’re in a similar situation and DH has thought about taking my last name.  He’s worried about the stigma, but says he’d love to be a SAHD one day. 

Following!

Post # 15
Member
43 posts
Newbee

MrsSapphire :  we are both keeping our names, but I still wish we could both have hyphenated (it would be way too long though). Do most of your guests know he’ll be taking your last name? If not, you may want to introduce as Mr Hisfirstname Sharedlastname and Mrs Yourfirstname Sharedlastname to avoid people thinking the officiant made a mistake. I love that you’re doing this and I hope the process isn’t too difficult!

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