(Closed) Groomsman bailed…bridesmaid issue etc

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Do not let her be a bridesmaid, she isn’t close to you and isn’t your friend.  If anyone is being selfish it’s the brother because he is letting a jealous girl stop him from standing up in his brothers wedding.  Stand your ground and stick with the lovely ladies you already asked.

Post # 4
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@alyssaC:  Agreed. If FMIL is upset, she needs to have a talk to her son (the groomsman) and his gf, not you two. You stay out of it. Your fiance should do the talking with his mother and brother. He should tell his brother that he’ll spend maybe 60 seconds walking arm in arm with this girl, that’s it.

Oh, and just about every wedding I’ve been to has been like that: BMs and GMs nearly always get paired with someone who’s not their partner. It’s totally normal. Maybe bro’s gf doesn’t understand that’s how (nearly) all weddings work.

But you just stay out of it and stand your ground. You’ve picked your BMs. If FI’s brother doesn’t want to be a GM, it’s nothing to do with you.

EDIT: FI should also tell his mom, “I’m not the one being unreasonable, my brother is. Almost always at weddings BMs and GMs are paired with people who aren’t their partners. If you really want Tom to be a GM, it’s up to him.”

Post # 5
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Don’t let her be a bridesmaid. This is your wedding and your wedding party should be your closest friends. This girl sounds needlessly jealous and like a lot of drama. Don’t let your FMIL pressure you about your bridal party. If your FI’s brother wants to listen to his gf, that’s his choice. I feel like your FMIL should be talking to FBIL about his choice. Your FI already gave his brother an out – so it’s the brother’s decision on whether to be in the wedding or not.

Post # 6
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

FMIL is directing her guilt in the wrong direction. (Or maybe she’s nagging the brother too and you just don’t know it?) Either way, there’s no reason you should give in on this one. Your FI needs to be assertive here. 

FMIL: GF really wants to be a bridesmaid. 

FI: Sorry, she is not a bridesmaid. We would love to have brother as a groomsman, but that’s his choice. We’re not going to change our wedding to make GF happy. 

FMIL: But brother won’t be a groomsman then!

FI: We would love to have brother as a groomsman, but that’s his choice. We’re not going to change our wedding to make GF happy. 

FMIL: Why don’t you just change things up for GF?

FI: We will not discuss this again. GF is not a bridesmaid. 

Post # 7
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@jinx628:  that is incredibly immature how old is this girl 16? Don’t ask her you will regret it.

Post # 8
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

+1 to everybody above. The girlfriend is being really immature and the brother must have no cahones! I had to let my partner be a groomsman & partnered to a girl I didn’t particularly get along with – they even danced together at the ‘first dance’ but I was there for the bride & groom. It’s about them & not how I feel, so if they wanted these people on their bridal party who am I to complain?

Post # 10
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

uhhmmm NO she should not be a bm at all!!! This is not her wedding or her day at all. You would just be feeding her unhealthy jealousy issues. If the BIL doesn’t want to be in the wedding and is willing to sacrifice standing up for his brother that is his issue not yours. Please don’t add any more stress to your day than needed. 

Post # 11
Member
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree that FMIL is directing her frustration, anger , and desperation in the wrong direction.  She needs to talk to her other son and tell him to grow a pair.  Do not make the little drama queen a BM.  I hope your FI will have a firm chat with his mom to get htis going in the right direction.

I hope FBIL doesn’t marry this girl – she is a trainwreck!

Post # 12
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m always shocked at the entitlement of people. Stick to your guns. I fail to see how your MILs life will be ruined if her son isn’t a groomsman at her other sons wedding.

Post # 13
Member
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@jinx628:  Could you compromise and have everyone announced/walk-in individually instead of in pairs?  I agree with PPs, don’t make her a BM, it’s just asking for trouble.

Post # 14
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@lovelynners:  This was what I thought.

Seriously, just exiting the ceremony and walking into the reception with someone and she’s afraid her boyfriend would bail?  That’s nuts.

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