Groomsman death 2 weeks before wedding

posted 2 years ago in September 2014
Post # 2
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have no advice, just want to say how sorry I am 🙁 your FI must be devastated!

Post # 3
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I have no advice either but I’m so sorry for your loss. 

Post # 4
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

Wow I’m so sorry! Just a quick thought, I’ve read this idea for like a parent/grandparent, but in a chair u leave a vacant seat and put their picture on the chair. Perhaps something like that but with the chair up at the front, as the last groomsman In The line. 

Post # 5
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

That’s awful.  🙁  I am so sorry to for your loss, I can’t imagine the pain you and your Fiance are in.  I would suggest having a nice picture of him in a frame at a special table with a sweet poem or notes around it.  I thought some of these notes were beautiful on this link:  http://gravestones.ie/Memorial-Verses/Memorial-Verse/Memorial-Poem-for-Friend.htm  I am teary thinking about what you guys are going through.  

Post # 6
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

No advice either, just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss 🙁

Post # 7
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Edm___JJS:  I am so, so sorry.

If you are religious, you could include a prayer for his family. I have seen that done at the start of a wedding where somone had to drop out due to a horrible family tragedy. (Immediately after the bride walked down the aisle, at the time the officiant usually says a few words of welcome). If not, perhaps a time of silence at the start of the ceremony, as is sometimes done at sport events after a tragedy.

I think either is appropriate. By putting it at the start I think there is an appropriate “divide” – first we solemnly remember, but then life goes on (as I’m sure the groomsman would have wanted).

Post # 8
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Edm___JJS:  I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and his family.

I would suggest having somebody bring a lit candle (in a hurricane glass so it doesn’t get blown out) down at the beginning of the ceremony. That is what we are doing for my two grandfathers who have passed away.

Post # 9
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

Edm___JJS:  Maybe have the bridesmaid he was paired with carry a small pic of him on her bouquet(if you are doing those things)? I also would let the bridal party remain uneven, and let the bridesman walk alone with his pic. I also like the pp suggestion of a prayer, or if you aren’t religious, some words of love about him in one of the speeches.

So sorry for your loss!

Post # 10
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Edm___JJS:  Any of the above suggestions would be lovely and appropriate gestures. I think you should talk it over with your FI (and maybe the Groomsmen’s loved ones) and see what opinion he has about it.

I’m really sorry about your loss. I know that it hurts now, but remember that it’s ok to have a great time at your wedding. Your friend would have wanted that for you guys.

Post # 11
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Doxie7:  I like this idea. You can recognize the tragedy and honor everyone’s grief while allowing guests to take a moment if and when they want to reflect and remember.

Also maybe have someone say a few words or lead the room in prayer. You could choose to do it during ceremony or reception (my preference).

I’m sorry for your loss OP.  Best of luck with the wedding, congrats. 

Post # 12
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Perhaps in your speech to the guests you could mention him if you don’t want it to be during the ceremony.

 

Post # 13
Member
8047 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

that is just brutal, I’m so sorry for his family, friends and your fiancé and you! Its always especially tragic to lose a young person.

Post # 14
Member
8047 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Also, I think a toast to him, reminding people to appreciate your loved ones every moment would be nice as well. A toast still acknowledges but is somehow less somber. 

Post # 15
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

At my first wedding I did picture charms of my mom and grandma in my bouquet and my two sisters bouquets also.  For my (now ex-H) his boutinierre had a picture charm of both his grandfathers whom had passed. 

I like the singularly lit candle idea at the ceremony. I’d have it pre-lit and burning through the ceremony with a small mention in your wedding programs (if you’re doing those) as to what the candle is for but I wouldn’t have your officiant discuss your groomsmans’ passing during the ceremony. It would turn into a memorial by doing that, IMHO.

Also, I’d skip the empty chair suggestion too.  If it were an immediate loved one- parent, grandparent, sibling etc – then yes, I could see how that would work but keep in mind, walking a fine line between a respectable nod to his passing and having it be “your (you and FI) loss” is hair thin.  I wouldn’t push it too far especially if there will be mutually known people at both your wedding and the GM’s funeral.

Another idea….Does your FI know the groomsmans favorite fast/party song? Could you have it played at your reception so everyone can dance to it and celebrate both your wedding and his life at the same time?

 

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