- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Ok, I know there have to be a million vents but since my FI is really tired of hearing me vent about this guy I’m going to do it here.
When we were really young FI didn’t have a ton of friends and made friends with one of his groomsman. We’ll call him “John.” FI came out of his shell in high school and made a lot of friends but always kept John around, even though John can be incredibly annoying, rude and most of the other friends have trouble spending much time with him. But FI wants to keep him around because he feels that they’re still friends and he’s one of the few people that really understands him. John goes through girls like they’re candy. One after another. There was a stretch of about three in a one year period. But then he brags about it. It’s gross. I don’t need to hear about it, and I try to block it out.
Fast forward to now. FI and I begin wedding planning. John now travels for work. He was engaged for several months to a girl (let’s call her Jane) that I did not really “mesh” with and could never seem to make friends. He didn’t treat her very well and actually ended up cheating on her with another ex, for which she left him. She has still stayed in the picture but whenever we come in contact with one another she gives me and another one of the guys’ fiance very dirty looks, refuses to carry any kind of conversation, and overall is very rude. I try not to hold it against her. I mean, I would probably not be very happy to come around a group I was once part of to see everyone moving on, happy, getting married, while I was the one cheated on. But then again, she doesn’t have to keep coming around. They aren’t together. However, with all of this I do not want her at my wedding. She never got an invitation because we weren’t close.
John calls FI a few months ago (before we sent out invites) and says he’s asked Jane to our wedding. We weren’t going to give John a +1. He is a groomsman but to be quite honest he runs through so many girls and they’re all very similar. I don’t want Jane there, she’s never been nice. And I don’t want his flavor of the week there either. I know it seems mean, but sorry. (Side note: this isn’t just me that feels this way. His uncle told him to stop bringing girls to family functions because there were so many different ones that they couldn’t keep their names straight and it was getting embarassing when they were calling them by the wrong name.)
FI finally told him about three weeks later (after he’d been out of town for 3 months working) that he preferred Jane not be at our wedding because of her overall attitude and behavior. John says “oh Jane and I aren’t even speaking now. I’m actually seeing someone new.”
FI asks who. It’s a girl several years younger than us in our town, that he knows but hasn’t actually taken on a date or anything like that. So, I mean, if history repeats itself she won’t be around forever either.
He then says new girl will be his date. He didn’t ask. He just let us know he’s bringing her. FI gets annoyed and says, “to be quite honest bride’s parents are paying a lot for the wedding and since you’re going to be really busy all day and night we weren’t going to give +1’s to the groomsmen who aren’t in serious relationships.” (Don’t tell me about etiquette here. I know etiquette. John isn’t paying a dime to be in the wedding. We’re covering all costs. He doesn’t need a date he won’t see almost all night, especially one I’ll probably never see again).
John says yes but my parents are invited. FI says…”and?”
“And I thought it would be good for her to sit and get to know them since she wouldn’t be sitting at the table with us. But if you’re really that upset that I would want to bring her just tell me and I won’t bring her.”
FI tells him they will discuss it a little closer to the wedding but would prefer he not bring her as of right now. Fast forward another six weeks and he’s been out of town almost all six weeks and we’ve not heard about her again.
Seriously, is he ever going to out-grow this??????? I know it’s mean but I’m just thankful he’s out of town all the time because I don’t think I can stand him to be coming over all the time. Seriously, has anyone else dealt with a groomsman or wedding party member who is contributing nothing but thinks they’re owed something?? How did you deal with them?