Groomsman Trouble

posted 2 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
7280 posts
Busy Beekeeper

laurenrenee33: So the groomsman that you want to dump is also the DJ? Yeah that is going to work.

Are you paying him for his DJ services? What exactly are these groomsmen duties that need to be done during the reception? 

Post # 4
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

laurenrenee33:  Asking him to step down at this stage will be really dicey.  Here are the three strategies I think you can consider:

1) Tell him you made a mistake and ask him to step down.  You have to be prepared that you might lose a friendship (although it doesn’t seem like they were very good friends) and a wedding vendor over this.  It may also stir up a lot of drama.

2) Gently bring it up, but be ready to back off.  In this strategy, bring up that since you’ve hired him as a wedding vendor you think you’ve asked him to take on too much by being a GM and ask if he’d prefer to do just one or the other.  Be prepared to follow his lead on what he chooses (status quo, just GM, just DJ).

3) Grin and bear it.  You’ve made your decision, just stick with it and hope for the best.

The right option is really up to you and your FI.

Post # 5
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

They don’t sound like they’re particularly close friends so you could just say “hey we think being DJ and groomsman is too much so just focus on DJ’ing” should be fine. 

Post # 6
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

laurenrenee33 – I see you are getting married next summer so you still have plenty of time…my primary question is if you are comfortable having him as your DJ since that is a very important vendor (besides the music, the DJ is also the MC and handles the flow of the reception). You mentioned he is flaky but do you think that carries over to his professional life? Is he experienced working as a DJ at weddings (if not I would re-think using him)? Have you talked to anyone else who has used his services? As for the groomsmen issue, I would casually bring up the issue of him pulling double duty and ask him how he feels…a lot of guys don’t really care about bridal party stuff or are familiar with what being a groomsmen entails. If he is DJing the ceremony he can’t be part of the ceremony even if you kept him as a groomsmen. Especially because of this last fact, I would have your FH ask the good friend/roommate to also be his groomsmen, regardless of whether or not you keep the DJ as a groomsmen.  

Post # 7
2279 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

laurenrenee33: Regardless of whether you ask this other guy to step down (which should be 100% your FI’s choice, since it’s very possibly a friendship ending move), your FI can have his roommate and good friend be a groomsmen if that’s what he wants. There is no requirement that the sides of the bridal party need to be equal, and I think your thinking that they should be is what got you in to this mess in the first place. Before your FI asks the other guy though, he should think about if they’re going to remain great friends for another year. 

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