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i think your right for having concerns. his parents will be pretty busy too, taking pictures and preparing for the wedding, they won't have time to watch a child the whole time. i would ask your fi to mention this to his friend. not necessarily say that she shouldn't come, but just make sure that he knows that he has groomsmen duties so it might be hard for him to have his daughter with him.
His friend probably doesn't realize that there won't be other children at the wedding.
My step-son was our ring-bearer, and although we had babysitters at the reception, we didn't think through the fact that he would need to go to bed before the reception ended. DH's parents ended up leaving the reception an hour and a half early to take him back to the hotel and put him to bed, and they missed the bouquet/garter, DH's college a capella group performing, and our getaway. Long story short, the groom's parents should not be responsible for child care - they should be focusing on their child's wedding. What if the kid has a tantrum and needs to be taken out during the ceremony? Should the mother of the groom have to leave to deal with it?
Get your FI on board, it shouldn't be that hard once you start asking him to actually think about what happens if something goes wrong. Then he should talk to your friend and explain that there won't be child care available at the wedding, and that the friend will be busy with WP duties - if he still wants to bring the kid to MD, then you could offer to help him find a babysitter.
I can see why you're not thrilled about the idea, but is there any way you guys can make this work for your groomsman? Tom probably wants to help his older daughter feel special after the new baby arrives, and it's really a very sweet thought. He may also want to get the little girl out of her mom's hair for a while during the post-birth recovery. Having the groom's parents babysit is a bad idea, but could whoever's watching your niece and nephew help with the groomsman's daughter too?
I agree with having your FI mention that there won't be other children at the wedding, and remind Tom that the groomsmen are going to have a busy schedule that day. Even though I think you guys could probably make it work for Tom to bring his daughter, he might rethink the idea when he learns a bit more about your wedding.
Good news! He talked to the GM and before he could even bring it up, it was discussed that he wouldn't be bringing her afterall. Drama diverted!
I was all set to write a response then saw your comment. Great news!
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So, my fiance asked his highschool friend to be one of his groomsmen. Lets call him "Tom" to make it easy. Tom's wife is due to have her baby just weeks before our wedding date. Tom said he would be more than happy to be part of our wedding party, and since his wife's mother will be staying with them to help with the new addition to the family, he will be able to come. Here's the kicker, in the conversation he said that he would bring his 5 year old daughter as his date!
We are not inviting any children to the wedding except for my 3 year old niece, and 5 year old nephew. I dont even know if it would be that big of a deal if his daughter came if his wife was coming also. But my concern is that they are flying across the country from CA to MD and it will be just him and his child. Who will watch this little girl when we are preparing before the wedding, during the ceremony, during pictures, while we're waiting to be announced, etc. I asked my fiance and he said that his "parents could watch her." I said that this is insane - his parent's are there to watch their oldest son get married, not babysit.
He's afraid of offending his friend. I think it's outrageous for his friend to even suggest bringing her. What should I do? Am I overreacting? ugh - wedding drama!+