Groomsman what to do?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Your fiance should choose people he wants and is close to. I don’t think anyone needs to be asked out of social obligation. If your fiance is not close to your brother, I don’t see any reason why he needs to be asked.

Post # 4
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Personally, I think it is very special to have each others siblings in the wedding. I am having FSIL, and FI is having my brother. Granted, our families live about 10 minutes from each other, so I have become very close with his sister, and he has become close with my brother (not as close as his sister and me, but still). I am newly close with my brother, (we fought like cats and dogs until about 4 years ago) so it means a lot to me to have him involved. I see that you are not as close with your brother, so our situations are definitely different, but I consider it extending an olive branch and a symbol of two families joining together. I’d say, if it doesn’t really affect your wedding party, like making it uneven (not that it has to be even, but most people like that, I think), then go for it. It may mean a lot to your brother, which is never a bad thing.

Post # 5
Member
6506 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I personally think it’s nice to include siblings in the wedding party. Especially in your situation where there are very few siblings. My DH and brother are not very close (and honestly my brother and I aren’t very close either) but DH did ask him to be a GM and it did mean a lot to him.

Post # 6
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MEGandSDP1015:  I asked my fiance’s sister to be one of my bridesmaids. For a myriad of reasons, however, I advised him against making my brother a groomsman. Instead we have given him the option of reading a quote we like at the reception. I don’t think your situation is too uncommon!

Post # 7
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I want to have my sister and brother in the wedding. In fact when I told my brother I was engaged his first question was, “What role do I get?” I said, “I don’t know, guest.” He looked upset. But I don’t want to invite him to be a groomsmen, I want my FI to do that, and I think he probably will as his family is in NZ so he is close with mine. But time will tell. I worry about having FI’s siblings in the bridal party because I have never met his sister and it will be difficult to do the whole dress fittings and arrangements thing – we don’t have the money to travel over there often. I.e. I have never been, the budget allows for FI to go once a year but doesn’t accomodate both of us, although we are planning to both make the trip next time.

I think you just do what you want and perhaps feel people out on it. People will generally make their feelings known when they find out about your engagement, just wait and see how it plays out but remember what you want is what ultimately counts (especially is you are paying for it!!).

Post # 8
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think it would be nice for your brother to be included, especially because you are including his sisters.  He might feel bad being the only sibling not included.  However, he doesn’t HAVE to.  If he doesn’t want to than make him an usher or something.  My fiance asked my brother who he had only met once, and I was super touched that he did, so I decided to ask his sister who I wasn’t that close to.  It actually started a friendship!  The way I see it is that people grow closer and apart to their friends (ask people who have been married 30+ years about their bridal party and almost everyone had people in it they haven’t spoken to in years), but family will always be in your life.  Down the road when we have kids, I think it might be special for them to see their aunt and uncle in the photos.  I think including all the siblings is just a great first way of combining the families

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