Post # 1
My fiance has 3 friends that all said “yes” months ago to being groomsmen for our destination wedding.
Now that it’s getting closer and we’re sending them hotel info and all that jazz, they seem to be getting iffy about going because of airline cost. They knew from the start it was a destination wedding, why did they agree if they were unsure?!
Anybody dealt with this? It sucks because we were gearing up to order the groomsmen’s gifts and shirts and everything. I guess I’m glad we didn’t order them yet!
I told my fiance we can offer to pay for a night’s hotel stay for each of them to ease their financial burder a little. We don’t have enough money to pay for all their travel costs. And it’s not like they even have to pay for tuxes, we’re just doing khakis and linen shirts. They can wear khakis they already own, the shirt is the only new attire.
Is it rude to give them a deadline, like “we need to know by April 1 if you’ll be there or not”?
Post # 3
No, you need to know. I think it is great that you are willing to pay for a night. I hope they make it.
Post # 4
I really want them there! I know I’m not paying for everything and can’t force them to do it, but I hope at least 2 of them can end up coming, ideally all 3.
This is the first time in planning the wedding I’ve felt slightly bridezilla-ish.
Post # 5
It’s true you can’t force them to come but you need to force them to give you a final decision. You have too much riding on this and you need people you can depend on, not just jerk you around.
Post # 6
I think its fine to give a deadline. In fact i think its necessary in terms of a DW. Did you give the GM an approximate of airline costs when they said yes?
Post # 7
It is totally reasonable to give them a deadline. Tell them you understand their situation but you need to know if they are coming or not before you make other financial commitments.
Post # 8
I didn’t give them estimated airfare costs, but they have all traveled enough to know a plane ticket will cost $200-something.
Post # 9
i know how you feel, eventually you just accept thats how it is with a DW. i had one of my BMs back out last week and she already ordered her BM dress AND bought one plane ticket for $250. granted she was coming from New zealand and decided just now that she can’t afford the $2000 it would have cost for her round trip plus hotel. i can’t argue with that. all i could afford was offer $100 towards her dress since it was costing her $100 more than the other BMs. i did buy her BM gift though and almost ordered her flowers. i am able to return the gift (was jewelry). also another BM probably can’t come and we paid for her dress in full (FI’s niece). but again, can’t afford to pay for her trip! sux, but thats how it is. you will still have an amazing time with the people that DO make it!
Post # 10
It is not rude to give a deadline.. I think they probably didnt think about all the costs and are only now adding it up and realizing how much it will be. My FI agreed to be in a DW and I asked him if he could afford it and he said “it just a wedding how much can it be” and after I broke down all the costs involved then he realized he wouldnt be able to do it so close to ours
Post # 11
I’m glad my BMs are both family, so they’re guarenteed to be there. (My sister who lives where my destination wedding is, and my FSIL.) At least we don’t have stress on both sides of the wedding party!
Post # 12
I know how you feel, and it’s extremely frustrating. My fiance and I only each asked a MOH and a BM because we figured a lot of friends wouldn’t go because we chose a destination wedding. Then all of them RSVP’d yes! We added a full bridal party bringing us each up to 5 attendants. That was back in September. Well, it’s now February and THREE of the groomsmen have bailed. All three of them repeatedly assured us that they were definitely coming and thrilled to be in the wedding. Then they dropped out. (via email, aughhh) (AFTER making me jump through hoops doing research and working up mock budgets for them, ugh) It definitely sucks and I feel terrible for my fiance. Honestly I think the most stressful part about planning your wedding is you find out who your real friends are… and sometimes that’s a bitter pill to swallow.
(Just wanted to add – I would have NO PROBLEM if any of these guys said no when asked. It’s waiting until now that I think is inexcusable. And dropping out via email, only after making US chase THEM to see what was going on because none of them were getting fitted for tuxes, etc.)