Groomsmen behaving badly

posted 2 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

soontobemrsKB92615:  I haven’t been in a similar situation, but I applaud your FI for standing up for you. It’s going to be hard for him right now becuase he’s torn, but he is doing the right thing. Would it be helpful to get you, your FI, and the groomsmen together to try to work some of this out? They obviously have misinfoirmation (you say), and if that is true, perhaps you guys can help them work through some of that. It might help clear the air and get you all back on track. It might also help your FI to see you are also dedicated to playing nice.

Post # 3
Member
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yikes, those guys sound like a bunch of DB’s and even though they’ve been friends for so long, it sounds like they’re just not supportive/jealous of your FI’s new (better?) life and don’t know how to act anymore.  Maybe they’re actually afraid of losing his friendship now that he’ll be “tied-down.”  He’s better off without them for now.

But to answer your question, I would just be a shoulder to cry on and lend a listening ear for now.  There isn’t really you can say to make him feel better.  Just be supportive of whatever he decides.  Perhaps when these guys grow up, they will become friends again.

Post # 4
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

soontobemrsKB92615:  Is it that they genuinely don’t like you or is it just the mindset that you are “stealing him away” so to speak? If it’s the latter, don’t worry, it’ll pass. I don’t know the details of your relationship but the best thing that you can do for your FI is allow him to split his time between you and his friends, even if you don’t like them. I won’t assume you are like this but there are a lot of women who don’t want their men going anywhere without them and it destroys his friendships. Tell him that you don’t care enough about their teasing to take it to heart, and that all that matters is how he feels about you. 

Post # 7
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

What is it about guys and being so negative about change??!?! You’re FI sounds awesome and I’m sorry you’re going through this but it sounds like your relationship is still staying strong throughout.

My situation is slightly simliar. my FI is very young and the first of his friends to get engaged so it was a big adjustment for them all. he stopped partying with them, stopped drinking (just socially one or two drinks now, i haven’t seen him drunk in over a year) and really grew up fast because of the fast change a lot of his friends think I’m a bad influence on him and my FI “doesnt have any fun like he use to” …. what they don’t understand is we now have common goals, we want to buy a house, we want to start a life together and that doesn’t really include going out and spending $100 on drinks anymore. Some people have a hard time looking outside their own situation and its just too bad.

First off why he’s living with your FFIL?!?!… that is YOUR Future father and mother (in-law)… they don’t need to hear that crap, I definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with that.

Next you need to figure out if this is just a rough patch he’s going through or if this is how he’ll be for the rest of your lives… is this someone who’s going to be negative at every happy event you have?!? If so, I wouldn’t want someone like that around my children.

If its just a faze I’d stick by him as a friend and show him that even if he is an ass you’re still his friends and he needs to get over himself… your FI definitely needs to break up whatever anti-bride thing the groomsmen got going on and tell the other guys to smarten up.  sparate this guy from them and basically bitch him out. That isn’t someone I’d want standing up there with me when I said my vows and he should know how serious it is.

You derserve better from your wedding party.

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