- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
FI and I got engaged last Christmas Eve, and of course I was excited to asked my bridesmaids right away. Originally, I had wanted 3 girls, but Jon (my FI) had 5 guys in mind that he wanted to ask, and he’s pretty traditional and symmetry is important to him. So I decided on my five girls that I wanted to ask. I asked them all, and they all immediately said yes. So we started dress shopping and all that fun girly stuff. Jon didn’t ask his guys right away, but I figured that was fine, since our wedding isn’t until Oct. 2010. He told me he was planning on asking his 2 brothers, his best friend from the neighborhood, and his two friends from college. Amesome! Knowing he had the people picked out in his head, I didn’t bring it up again until recently.
I’ve been working on our wedding website, and I really wanted to get the bridal party info up and finished. I had cute pics of me and my girls, and stories about how we met and how awesome they all are. i really wanted to get the same stuff up on Jon’s guys too. The website info is on our STD’s, which we’re sending out soon, since all of our families are OOT. I asked him about a month ago if he had asked them yet. Around this time, his mom started asking him when he was going to ask his brothers too.
He got really upset with us and our nagging, and he confined in me that he was scared to asked them, since he was afraid that they would say no. I did my best to reassure him. We have a good relationship with his brothers, since one is 2 years older than us, and the other is 3 years younger than us. We go out together all the time, and have an awesome time. I knew his brothers already expected to be asked, since they’ve both been quizzing me about what they can do at the bachelor party, and wondering if they could plan an after party for us. Jon was also stressed about choosing a best man, since he thought it would be awkward to choose between his brothers. I told him he should just choose his best friend from the neighborhood, since they spend the most time together and have the most in common. He did end up choosing Carl (the best friend) as best man, and his brothers as groomsman last week, and everyone accepted. Yay!
So I thought that this big crisis had been averted and we were all happy. I had to babysit yesterday, so I was out of the house for most of the day. I came home to a totally distraught fiance. 🙁 He finally heard back from one of his friends from college, let’s call him “Joe”. Joe sent him an email, saying he was thrilled to be asked, and totally honored to be considered, but that he unfortunately had to decline because of religious beliefs. He’s a Jehovah’s Witness, and apparently he can’t participate in services in other houses of worship. We’re having a big huge full Catholic Mass. Most of my bridesmaids aren’t Catholic, and they’re still willing to sit through the mass to support us, so it hadn’t occurred to me that other people’s religious beliefs would prevent them from attending. We obviously don’t expect the non-Catholics to do the prayers or actively participate. We just want them to sit there respectfully and watch us get married, then have a blast at the reception.
I suggested that maybe Joe could just be an honorary groomsman, and maybe he could still participate in the bachelor activities and reception, but Jon is still really upset that he can’t come to the ceremony. I’m also not even sure his religion will let him participate in the parties. I don’t know too much about Jehovah Witnesses, and I’m trying to reserve my judgement, but I know they don’t do birthday celebrations, so all wedding celebrations might be out. Joe had said that if we had a civil ceremony, he would be able to participate, but that’s not an option for us.
Jon is totally heartbroken Joe won’t be there, and now he’s worried that the other college groomsman will decline too (haven’t heard back from him yet) . 🙁
I don’t know what to do. I feel awful that I nagged Jon so much about this, and now he’s getting all this bad news. Anyone have any suggestions? Anyone have better knowledge of Jehovah’s Witnesses to help us find a compromise?