Post # 1
Sadly one of FI’s groomsman dropped out with just a few short months to go. I really don’t want to get into the details of that to remain anonymous (I’m super paranoid as you can see!) and because honestly I’m pretty pissed about it and don’t think anyone is going to change my mind on that part! Seeing my Fiance hurt makes me one angry wifey!
Anyways, where the real issue lies (since we aren’t going to force the groomsman to be in the wedding) is my mother. She thinks Fiance should choose someone else. He (at this time) does not want to. I’m not going to force Fiance to do anything one way or the other. Basically my mom told me he needs to pick someone else because “she paid a lot of money for the photographer and doesn’t want the pictures to look bad” (I’m sure you can figure out what kind of MOB my mom is based off that comment – don’t even get me starteddddd!)
So, how do I deal with her? My mom and I have battled over EVERYTHING about this wedding. I’m not battling over this. It’s FI’s choice. Sure, even numbers are nice to have but I don’t think it is NECESSARY and the pictures will NOT look bad because of it. How can I go about telling her he isn’t chosing anyone else without engaging in a power struggle? I already tried just telling her straight out and she was NOT having any of it! (BTW she told me he can just have one of MY cousins as a groomsman if he can’t find anyone else – yes please lets stick someone Fiance has never met in there for the sake of photos. Ugh!!!)
Anyways, thanks for listening to me vent and any advice how to get through to a controlling, overbearing mother who thinks this is HER party without it getting ugly is much appreciated!!
Post # 3
Sorry you’re going through this – sorry for your FI!
Show her pictures of uneven bridal parties??
Post # 4
@futuremrsk18: Ohh that’s a great idea! Maybe I’ll get in touch with our photographer and get her to send some uneven bridal party pics (she’s got to have some right?!)
Post # 5
Post # 6
Ugh, that would totally annoy me too! I also think it’s a good suggestion to show her pictures of uneven bridal parties. Maybe tell her you don’t like the traditional photos where everyone in the bridal party is just standing in a straight line, and that’s really the only pics where you’ll notice anything. And if she starts talking about when they walk down the aisle, you can have the girls come down alone with the guys already up front, or one guy will have two girls, it’s no big deal (although it sounds like you already know that.)
Look up uneven bridal party on Pinterest – there’s a ton of pictures there!
And if your mom thinks it’s ‘proper’ to have even sides and that’s what her deal is, here’s some advice/etiqueete things telling her you are correct that it’s fine:
Post # 7
@Wonderstruck: Thank you so much for the articles, I will be sure to show them to her!
Post # 8
Well ladies, none of these great ideas worked 🙁 She’s being totally irrational about it. She went so far as to say since it’s MY (not our, mine) wedding, I can pick someone to be a groomsmen – like one of my cousins (I have 3 younger male cousins, NONE of whom I am remotely close to! HELP! What do I do now?!
I hate this wedding more and more every day. I cannot wait for it to be over so Fiance and I can go back to living our normal, happy, stress free life.
Post # 9
Well tell her that since its YOUR wedding you are choosing to not pick someone for him and also that since she feels so strongly about it being yours that she cant make that decision, either. Because your choice for YOUR wedding is to let him pick his own party.
Luckily I have a VERY nonchalant mother and an understanding Mother-In-Law to be.. I havent had this issue (hope to not be speaking too soon).
You also need to let her know that you dont need the unneccessary stress that she is putting on you and neither does he. And if she keeps harping on it, ignore it. I know thats one of THE hardest things to do, but if she isnt going to cave.. its the only answer OTHER than doing what she wants you to. Let her know that you appreciate all she’s done/doing and that you are glad she wants everything to look amazing, but one person isnt going to make or break the photos. And you dont want someone you’re not close to in your wedding regardless if they’re family or not.
And again, tell her that this is your wedding and your choice. She can choose to accept it or not, but youre not going to make him have someone in his party that he doesnt want there. 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@MrsWBS: Wow – that’s crazy! Sorry she’s being such a nutcase. Can you just put your foot down and tell her that your Fiance is very hurt over the whole groomsmen dropping out issue and that you’re NOT going to make it worse no matter what? Are you in a position to say that you’ll pay for the photographer rather than let her dictate the matter?
Good luck with it all. I’m sure the actual wedding will be wonderful and full of love!
Post # 11
THanks for your replies, ladies. THe whole thing really is ridiculous. I just am at my wits end and don’t know HOW to get her to back off. My parents are paying for the wedding and my mom is very “It’s her party”. I think I’m going to just not talk to her about it anymore and it willbe what it will be. I wouldn’t put it past her to ask my cousin unbeknownest to us and we show up at the wedding and bam he’s a groomsmen!